The Library

I don't know about you, but my yiddishkeit went through it's first serious development between the ages of 10 and 20. That was the same age during which my sexuality and dependence on schmutz and masturbation first developed. Coincidence? I think not.To me, my yiddishkeit...

Someone asks: The RAMBAM asks, who is a real baal teshuva? One who is in the very same position, same circumstances, same desire, but this time he controls himself. So let's say a person starts to have a fall (really slipping) and in the middle he stops himself, what does...

There's a nice Chazal about the fact that appreciation of a spouse is contingent upon faithfulness in the heart: "kol hanosein eynov b'mah she'eyno shelo - ma she yeish lo, notlin mimenu - whoever puts his eyes on that which is not his, even what is his they take away fr...

Someone writes on the forum Lately, I'm practicing looking at my wife and smiling for a moment. In almost nine years of marriage, it's something I've hardly ever done. It sounds like a weird thing to 'practice' - but for sick people like me... what can I say? Dov Responds...

Is your surrendering done all by your lonesome, or do you have a few choices of folks you can call to quickly do the surrender with and then move on? It is important for us to surrender together with other people - and my favorite reason for that, is quite cool: The only ...

Lust addicts have a disease called "love sickness". They are in love with every good-looking person of the opposite gender that they see. And no matter what they do to convince themselves of how empty and silly it is, it still plagues them. Their heads are often filled wi...

For practical problems we can learn a lot from Chazal, of course, but what is indispensable for an addict is counsel from real live people.... not quotes from great people (even neviim) who are long gone. I learn a lot from Chazal, sure, but for my recovery issues, I'd m...

You are not alone, no matter how alone your addiction may tell you that you are...you are not. Thank-G-d! There are other people who can relate to you on a very personal level. Seek them out and share with them to help them, and you will be helped even more, in turn. ...

We cannot afford to run from our lust, just as we cannot afford to give-in to it. We run to G-d and let Him take care of it for us - or we'll never get better at all. And we often learn just how to run to G-d, by running to people (other addicts) and shamelessly sharing...

Before recovery I was wracked with daily, frequent angst - I was sure I had married the wrong person because my wife's approach to sexuality and ruchnius are so different from mine. It drove me crazy and I had two panic attacks over it. By "over it" I mean that it was wha...

Recovery for a sex and lust addict is not about g'darim, but about sanity. G'darim, and boundaries in general, are indispensable for allowing G-d to give me freedom from lust, but they are not recovery itself. They are only a tool. It's like breathing is to living: Sobrie...

If I do whatever it takes to remain sober (like: admit to myself that I want to do something dangerous and stupid, surrender my right to do it, make a call and admit the goofy idea to another [safe] person, ask Hashem to take it away from me, and then let successfully go ...

Our acting-out our own lust ends up becoming the very source of our refuah, itself. Of course, it starts out being our very best, most precious best friend - even though we also hate it - and we protect it vigilantly with our lies, hiding, faking being decent frum guys. I...

It is just plain truth that the drunk laying in his own vomit in the street after being thrown out of his home for so long that he cannot remember his kids' names, is actually one of the luckiest people in the whole world - at the moment that he clearly and finally realiz...

Through the day I often just say "Help me" to Him, and speak to Him a few times over the course of a normal day, at least in short phrases like "Help" and the random, "Thank-You". Anything longer is not practical for me 'in the trenches', so I keep is as simple as possib...

Ashrecha! You have an ongoing, open-ended license to 'fall'. That will not go away. Even cutting off body parts will not take it away, cuz there will always be a way...So, ashrecha v'ashrecha that you are reaching out in time of pain or trouble... What else do you expect ...

Just a suggestion, to a sweet yid who is obviously moving in the right direction but still hurting a bunch (like most of us here on this heiligeh network):Maybe instead of throwing down anything like a 'gauntlet' to lust, consider getting more help than before, with the u...

It is not the woman's body, her face or whatever that is the problem - the problem is in me. So I need to ask Him to help me with me. With what my priorities are and to help adjust what it is that I find precious in this world. I might ask Him to please give me what it is...

I do not equate having a desire for lust and sex with 'addiction'. I believe that probably most of the men and women out there who struggle with occasional desires of this nature are not addicts, but just normal. Even in the context of yiddishkeit, where there is no room...

I haven't met more than one or two well-intentioned Rebbi's who actually know anything about addiction - at least enough to make a distinction between what is normal and they can explain, and what isn't and they can't explain. Those few are aware that inspiration does not...