The Library

To someone who wrote about his intense teffilos after a fall, Dov writes: The davening being more intense I see as a part of my sickness after using lust. Not c"v to imply at all that davening with unusually much kavonoh is a bad thing in any way. It's just that in the co...

I do not subscribe to an emphasis on consciously working toward self-esteem as a way to get out of addiction. Perhaps it is a great idea for non-addicts to help save them from getting entangled in dependency... but once I got in, working on self-esteem was like spitting i...

Dear yid, you are not alone, no matter how bad you think you have become or what horrible stuff you have done and whatever ugliness you see in your own heart at times... you are not alone. I know that Hashem is with you 100% and loves you so much that he gave you this che...

Someone asked Dov: I keep asking myself why it's so d-mn hard for me when I see a woman pass by in the street. I feel like crying every time I pass a decent looking woman, that's how painful it is for me to look away and just let go of it. Dov replies: If you try to move...

Someone wrote to Dov: Someone mentioned to me a way to bypass my filter and I was dumb enough to try it out. I guess I haven't had enough pain yet. G-d help me. I'm not in such a great state now, it's not easy knowing that even the good filter system that I have is basica...

I'd love to share more of the garbage going on between my ears - but every time I do that, the unimaginable occurs! Namely, some semi-newbie posts back and says something like, "Holy mazolee! Dov! You mean that all this recovery work and abstinence is for nothing!? You ar...

Sometimes when I have felt like things are just not good enough for me (or really suck - often the same, though) and the thought of "why bother staying sober?" popped into my mind, the answer I used was:"What the hell. I'll stay sober even though it's stupid. I've done st...

Someone posted: Before first joining GYE, my wife discovered that I had been chatting with women online. That is how I ended up on here. My wife is not happy about this. She is asking me a lot of questions. I, on the other hand, am starting to be happy that she found o...

Someone wrote: Hashem really loves me and knows what is truly best for me. Once I truly internalize this I will be able to live more cleanly. Does anyone have any tips on how I can lower my ego? I literally have a HUGE ego. It's sickening. It is probably the single most d...

Once upon a time, my wife convinced me of something that came as a bit of a shock. I always thought that what she doesn't know won't hurt her. Well, OK, I always knew it was a bad idea for me to 'go off' and do whatever... and that it'd be a very bad for her to find out a...

Struggler: As you probably know, there is a woman from before I became a ba'al Teshuvah who is constantly available to me. I have had periods of being able to stay away and not have urges, but lately, I've gotten into the other kind of phase, the kind where I look at wome...

The differences between the average sweet yid who occasionally looks at porn and masturbates when he wants to (and then regrets it), and the sweet suffering yid who is an addict, is that the addict repetitively uses the schmutz, is obsessed with it, and masturbates even w...

Ahron wrote: Help - I just started to look at shmutz and by some miracle, I was disgusted by it.... I think I'm going to take a nap. I gotta get away! Yesterday's chizuk is helping me now I think. DesperateJew responds: Ahron, you did well. You caught yourself, and stopp...

When we give in, rather than reach out of ourselves for the help we need to stay free (and with Hashem), we are worshiping that power. Folks like us can understand why avodah zaras are called "elohim (acheirim)", too. They really are worshiped. Of course, their power is a...

My wife and I like the approach of the Kirk, on his website called Celebrate Calm. He empowers both parents and children, and he focuses on teaching all parties responsibility for themselves. It may not be easy, but we see that 'the failing way' is how we got here with ou...

Each one of your days are:Definitely precious.Indispensable for living the good-life.Live spontaneously with your Only Best Eternal Friend. Be all you can be: yourself!Each day is the only day that really, really matters now.Recovery uber alless.Truth with ourselves about...

Q. Guess where I believe eliminating all emotional 'triggers' would lead me (and maybe others, too)? A: To completely abandon Hashem. Yup. I wouldn't need His help at all! C'mon. Hashem is smart, no? You think he really arranged us to become this sick for Him to save us -...

Precious things are not gained overnight. Yetzias mitzrayim was a big, fat, jump - a completely undeserved gift to us 49th-levelers. After the free jump, it was almost completely lost to us and we had to grow slowly from zero for 49 days before getting the Torah... then w...

Anyone else who is sober can help you with weak moments, by calling them, admitting it as plainly and clearly as you are able, and letting go of it with Hashem's help so that you can get back to whatever the heck you were supposed to be doing before the stupidity. I calle...

Someone wrote: I feel like I am lacking the commitment to change and to improve. I know logically that I have reasons to quit - primarily because I don't have control over my life. But since I am not experiencing any consequences from this lack of control - and please G-d...