The Library

Rav Noach zt"l used to say how interesting and sad it is that people are preoccupied with movies and TV - our own lives obviously aught to be riveting - or at least very interesting! Certainly more interesting than a show - all the more so, cuz our lives are real, hello! ...

The Gemara says that sakanta - danger, is more stringent than issura - prohibition. That is how I view step 1. Lust has changed - for me - from issura to sakanta. I take it exactly literally. Sakanta is more stringent and thus more germain to me (more important) than whet...

Someone who has been in SA groups in the past yet is still experiencing frequent falls, posted some of his story and ends with the following: How can I think this way after so many years of pain and humiliation? It seems that anyone else who has experienced the pain that...

Swimming in the Problem is not a great idea. It gets us muddy and yucky. Many here on GYE are fighting with their addiction - or if they are not addicts and just have a bad habit (cuz porn feels good), they insist on wrestling all day with their lust and keeping it in the...

Your note reminds me of a lot of stuff my wife and I have been through. I will try to share everything I have about this, be"H, with you. Please read it over and please bear with me. Forgive me if I say anything that sounds judgmental or critical of you , as I mean n...

I do not expect any uplifting feelings or enlightenment when I "give up" looking at a lust image or whatever. I do not expect any spiritual growth, at all. All I expect is for Hashem to help me stay sober today and not use lust very much. I will try not to use it at all, ...

The experience I have is like this: If I don't do the behavioral things that teach me to be free of these things (like shutting my eyes or removing my glasses when needed, praying caringly for the woman whose image I want to lust with, making the calls I need to make to o...

Someone asked Dov: If our addiction is a result of a void we feel, then theoretically, someone who has filled the void should not at all be affected by triggers, right? So why is this a daily struggle still, even for those in recovery? Why does it seem that even you, Dov,...

To someone who writes that he finds it much easier to stay clean when feeling close to Hashem, Dov writes: If feeling on a spiritual high is something you are dependent on, then I fear that when trials and tribulations come - and since the cheit of Adam Harishon and Cha...

Someone wrote to Dov: Steve said something yesterday on the morning call that really hit home with me. He said that when we get triggered, at that moment we need to say to ourselves, "OK, G-d, You've got my attention! Where are we going with this? What message do you ...

The only benefit you will get from the program is from working it yourself. Step-study is fun, but practically useless. In fact, it can be poison, if it gives one the perception that they are "working these steps"... no, they are only thinking about working them - not wor...

Someone asks Dov: Everyone keeps mentioning how they "work" the steps everyday. Can I have specific instructions on how that is done every day? I know the steps and try to work em, but clearly I don't get it... Dov Replies: Working the steps is exactly what it sounds li...

Truth11 writes: I take the subway in the city every day and it's soo hard not to let the eyes wander around. I try taking a sefer around with me, but let's just say - thank G-d I need glasses, b/c I usually just take them off, but other times I get lazy. Oy tough. Dov Rep...

"Truth11" wrote: A few weeks ago I told myself that "I want out of this" - I just can't handle going through this all the time and I need to get help. Ironically, just saying that to myself, i.e. giving up in my own mind, helped me out a lot, as I felt relieved. Almost fo...

Someone wrote: Although I am clean just three weeks, I feel like this whole tumah thing is a million miles away. Like it was just a bad dream. I try to imagine it and I think to myself, "what, I did such things?". So I guess I am ripe for the Yetzer Hara to catch me off g...

Even some things that are technically by definition "Good" (like Torah and Teshuva) can cause problems if not used according to the Owner's manual. And in my opinion, the ultimate rule of the "Owner's manual" is: if it actually results in me finally living a sane and usef...

Dov responds to someone who claims that we need to change our attitude and realize that looking is also part of the addiction: I do not argue with this idea, but I know of not one addict who ever permanently "stopped himself" from using his/her drug because of any reason ...

ZD writes: My life as a lust addict: I spent three hours on my computer typing every obscenity in just "to see" if I can bypass the filter. I actually was able to bypass it in the end and access porn. It was as if I needed to know that I could access it. At that point I j...

Someone asked Dov: Dov, they say you've been clean in SA for 13 years. Does that mean that you did not make even ONE mistake? Dov Replies: No, it does not mean that. I use the sobriety definition of SA as explained to me by my sponsor and others. My sobriety date only mea...

We all sing Rabbee Akivah's ma'amar about "Mikveh Yisroel Hashem" on Lag ba'Omer... don't we hear what we are saying? Hashem is our Mikvah - not the mikvah, but Hashem. Now, what's that supposed to mean? To me, it means that our mikvah of water is an embodiment of Hashem'...