The Library

One of the draw backs of GYE - as opposed to joining a live group, is that we are a virtual community. Even if we consider that 'connecting', heck - most of us are using fake names, for crying out loud. Ironically, in my own case, I used a fake name on the phone whenever ...

Many people come to GYE with a "looking at porn problem". I assume their worthy goal is mainly "to not look at any porn". This is limiting for two reasons I can think of. First, the goal itself is only negative - so there is no inherent personal change necessary - it is j...

When lust 'strikes', it is to be expected that not listening to our desire will seem a very stupid option, indeed. Stupid, and truly not at all in our best interest (as it is felt right then). As long as we cling to self-will, it will be impossible to listen to that voice...

Someone asks: I'm kind of at a loss who to pick to call, I feel it needs to be someone who knows fully about my addiction, I have to be able to explain exactly what's bothering me at that time and what my issues are and then the guy has to be someone who can talk me aroun...

As for me, the question is not whether you need a twelve step program, but whether you are beaten yet. If you believe that there is still hope for you to quit by your own willpower (with occasional chizzuk, of course), then I see no reason to quit trying. I kept trying fo...

Someone asks Dov: You often talk about working the steps so we learn to "talk and behave differently than in the past". Would you please elaborate? Dov Answers: There are many ways we feed our problem. Physical ways, for example: looking at things that are damaging for u...

When I came to recovery, it was after many years of hiding and running and desperate lust behaviors that were getting progressively deplorable, embarrassing and out of control. Thank G-d I found what I needed and latched onto it to save my life. Only now, years later, do ...

I daven for her to be spared the pain and suffering of illness, car-accidents, and violence; of seeing her children go off to jail, death, or a life of evil; and I daven for her to come to know Hashem and be protected from disappointment of liars and men who might use her...

Most nisyonos require (as the ba'al haTanya and many others say) a bit of suspension of our Da'as. We seem to lose our brains at the point of nisayon - and are left to proceed on what feels like blind heart, alone. I cannot count the times I went without the lust temptati...

Shmilu wrote: Dear Tatte, Please give me the strength and perseverance to see this thing through. Without your assistance, I'm like butter in the hands of the Y"H. I'm sick and tired of carrying around all this guilt, and the feeling of inferiority that envelops me after ...

The more you are attached to Hashem, the less you will be attached to Lust. The problem really is that the Torah we learn, the yiddishkeit we live, and everything else we have, simply does not teach some of us wackos how to do that! It just teaches us that we are obligate...

Someone asks Dov: Asking Hashem to save me and remove my lust has not seemed to work; I still masturbate once a week. Why is it not working? Maybe Hashem just wants us to fight this ourselves? Dov Replies: Far be it for me to say, "your missing ingredient is this, or that...

Someone wrote on the forum: I realize now that I need to start being the hero of my own life and defeat all obstacles in my path. If we can learn to see our lives as a dramatic struggle, it can be easier... And that's exactly what it is; we just have trouble seeing oursel...

Getting caught by my wife didn't stop me. It was just a stepping stone till I finally had enough, about a year later. If you remember Captain Kirk in Star Trek... He had a "double" once, cuz he went back in time. But all was OK - as long as the two never, ever met. If the...

Lust usually feels great... and horrifyingly 'emptying'. It is very powerful, especially because it creates bodily sensations, and that kind of thing is incontrovertible. The body is convinced that it is truly good and that we need it. And you cannot argue with a body... ...

Ok. It does a few things. First and strangest, I owe something to the person I am lusting after because lusting is always an act of "taking". I am using their image for selfish ends. (And saying that "They are obviously begging for it cuz look at how they are dressed!" is...

Give the power to Hashem only - and make sure you give the credit to Him when it works. I do not need any pats on the back for not being an idiot by screwing myself up with lust.Ask Hashem to bless and help the "candy" you see with health, a true connection with Him, prot...

Hatzlacha with whatever you are doing, my friend. BTW, I have never really understood the idea that I have heard many times on GYE that, "I'll try x, y and z... and - if they do not work, then my last resort is the 12 steps." The fact that one who is not deeply motivated ...

I'm also too weak and have given up - not on myself, but on the fight. As long as anyone feels they can live like this, there is obviously no personal reason to stop. So we won't, period. So why add guilt? I've never seen guilt (which is just more self-centeredness) work ...

Someone wrote on the forum: I am trying to rely only on my wife, but I can't find the satisfaction in her, it's a big problem. I am having a urge to just drop the new me with her, & go back to self pleasure, it's just much more fun. Dov Replies: As an addict, I real...