The Library

To me, "getting out of His way" is something we slowly begin to do in recovery. Using schmutz is our way of staying in control. Arranging to get exactly what we want when we want it, avoiding pain whenever we wish, and manipulating the environment to make it exciting ...

The fact that a particular addict arose in a dysfunctional family is played-down a bit in the steps. The steps are focused on accepting the simple truth about me as I am today. Many of us move easily into whining, blaming and self-pity when we focus on our families and th...

Is it sanity and sobriety that you are striving for, or is it 'understanding' that you feel you need? What would satisfy you, really? Do you think that sobriety without understanding "why" will make you look like a fool? Well, why is it important to you not to be/look lik...

Someone wrote: My day was stressful, with occasional bursts of desire. Life carries on. I just wish there were simple answers. Dov Replies: In dealing with bursts of desire, Davening and getting busy are the main on-the-spot tools I know of, but slowly having our motivat...

Whenever I get resentful at my wife, I react by cleaning something in our house, vacuuming, doing laundry, or spending quality time with our children. I need to do it right away without thinking about it... there's just no other way for me to stay sane sometimes than givi...

I have been going to SA for over 13 years and have not been "found out" yet. Neither have any of my frum and non-frum - and for that matter - non-jewish - associates. The problem that most folks who I meet really have with going to meetings is that they know it'll be unco...

Someone wrote on the forum: Nothing is going right for me financially...I'm at my wits end... I have been davening for my addiction, and now for my life... Maybe I'm being punished for what I have done and looked at?? Dov replies: Punished? Why would Hashem need to "puni...

Someone wrote to Dov: I recently fell after a clean period of 40 days, and it hurts. How can I finally beat this thing so that I never come back to it? I want to do a real, permanent Teshuva rather than having the difficulty to build till I just lose again! Do...

If we really appreciated the preciousness of a single day sober with Hashem and His precious people, things would be different for many of us. We wouldn't let the past color the good times vomit-green. We wouldn't feel like giving up when we fell. This perspective makes a...

Someone asked on the forum: How can we give to G-d? G-d doesn't get anything when we do a mitzva..... (See this link for an interesting take on this question) Dov replies: The entire issue seems a boondoggle to me. Just like figuring out exactly why and to precisely what...

Please forgive my frankness, but there is no one I know who has himself at the center of his universe more than me in that trance, staring at schmutz or masturbating. And I believe that anyone who has done that r"l, knows exactly what I mean. Do you? The entire desperate ...

Whatever I have in terms of a relationship with Hashem is "home-grown", meaning: born naturally out of living sober, rather than anything I specifically or consciously "worked on". And my tools are using the steps in a chevra of others using them, to bumble through Life...

Yes. There is an attraction (to the opposite sex). It's natural. It's overwhelming. Nu? So what? Are you saying that in the long run it's hopeless? Good! If so, you may qualify as an addict, like me. Cuz it's hopeless for me, too. Completely hopeless. Left with my own res...

'AryehTahor' asks on the forum: Since my last fall and my general life situation at the moment, I have decided I would like to start working the steps. Can the steps be effective if you basically print them out and study them a little each day and think about them? Or do ...

The Medrash Tanchuma (Pekudei - 11) relates how the yidden tried to put the Mishkan together after making all it's parts. They were not doing it through their own understanding (the mistake of Nadav and Avihu) rather, they were doing what Hashem had commanded them to do. ...

Someone wrote on the forum: I don't feel clean and I feel like I need to go to the Mikvah but I don't know how to go by asking without people becoming suspicious. I feel really bad because a few times I have watched porn right before learning. Dov Responds: I'm for g...

Some folks should just get a bumper sticker that says: "Whoever dies with the most Madreigos wins!" We are winners if we are with Hashem - period. That's the attitude that I have seen works best for addicts. All the rest (paraphrasing Rebbi Akiva) is commentary. Serving H...

Eye.nonymous wrote on the forum: I had a disappointing set-back yesterday, even though it wasn't really a fall. But I really got down about it. I managed to pick myself up this morning though. I said to myself, "what happened yesterday is behind you, and there's nothing y...

Someone writes on the forum: The reason I would like to avoid the 'addict' label is because if I am an addict, it involves 10 times more work and a lifelong commitment. I do realize that this requires tremendous work and a lifelong commitment, but I am still in the early ...

Many, many folks I know had to go through a long period of time where they had ups and downs and struggled, lost and won. Nu. We are each an olam malei (a complete world) and it feels like everything, inside. It's hard to see how lucky we are even when we are not sober. H...