The Library

I believe that the main reason we cannot find one eitza that works is because an eitza is always, that means without exception, nothing more than a gimmick. Gimmicks are tricks that are used in order to bypass real change. They may prevent the behavior, but consider this...

Want a clear answer to these common questions? How can it be that the Torah doesn't provide the answer for me? Why can't I just do Teshuvah, why do I need the 12-Steps? Why do some Rabbanim and therapists discourage the 12-Step program? (Although the vast majori...

The goal of most addicts I know, when they start reaching out for real help, is just to get out of trouble. And the trouble is usually getting caught. So, although we really do want to stop and be clean, we simply do not believe we can live without it - nor do we have any...

For most people, there is nothing bad about a little quiet time, as long we are not sitting in our brains. Thinking is often stupid and dangerous for many of us, especially when the good old 'religious' wheels start to turn and "constant vigilance, watch out, don't think ...

Perfectionism has no place in sanity - many people can see that. But then why is it that when we inject the words 'avodas Hashem' into the equation, all of a sudden perfectionism becomes sane? And why is it that so many obviously sick people (who are often addicts no l...

Dear Desperate Yid, here are some ideas I'd like to share with you:1- This 'powerlessness' idea is actually all about taking personal responsibility for one's actions - if the person is an addict. It simply means that we finally recognize that all the good (or not so good...

How does it make sense that recovery does not grow? When I use porn it always progresses, either in intensity or style - the old schmutz eventually stops doing the trick, and I need a bit 'more' to get the job done. When I use porn it always progresses, either in intens...

The "Nuclear Reset Button" idea is about how we unfortunately thrive on that very honest state we do feel after masturbating ourselves, and that no matter how holy we feel in that state, it is all part of the same sick cycle. It suggests further, that since we sincerely c...

Please bear with me and I'll tell you about Captain Kirk in a minute. First, I will share that I have seen dozens of guys who have had the hardest time just saying their right name on a phone call. I have heard the hesitating, quiet voice on the other end of the line fi...

Here is the confusion as I see it, be"H:Am I saying that feeling close to Hashem is not the answer?! Of course, being with Hashem is the answer. Not feeling close to Him, but being close to Him. And His main requirement seems to be self-honesty. Chasamo shel Hakodosh boru...

When Klal Yisroel sinned so much that it was a real big mess, what did Hashem do? He took away the Beis Hamikdosh. Not only that, but He took away the nevi'im, the nissim, and many of our Torah sages and good people. And He even took most of us outside of Eretz Yisro...

Member: I feel drained right now. I feel like I've been fighting the whole entire day. Dov: Airbag and seatbelt time....uh-oh. Either the outer environment needs to change, or the inner environment does. One of them has to go. If you believe it's from inside you, I do not...

Dear Confused! Of course, it can be related to your involvement with GYE! The problem we have is obviously increased when we keep thinking about it all the time. It does not matter if we are thinking about naked people - or about not thinking about naked people - either w...

A reality that I have shared before in many ways: Forum talk is cheap. That's why it will not work. For some it is y'kar erech - they simply cannot type it out at all...so when they do, it is meaningful and hence brings with it a new level of recovery for them. But for th...

I feel very guilty when I do something really stupid. What's wrong with that? Yes, the guilt pain of masturbating does require many people to medicate all over again. So? Too many newbies make what they think is a 'recovery call' - but really they just want the 'older' gu...

I am an addict, so my truth is far more machmir than all the religious folk are. Misah bideai Shomayim, coreis, whatever... For me, it is misah bidei Odom - me. I really kill myself when I lust and act out, R'l. It's not "spiritual" death, and no violins are needed, thank...

Chuck said, "We can't think ourselves into right living. We can only live ourselves into right thinking." He was not pontificating, darshening, whatever. It was his bitter hard-learned experience that he was sharing, like what I write here on the forum. It's the only humb...

I hate wet dreams and do not wish them on anyone. But here is what I have been given on that: I think it is a pretty much just silly pride for me to ever really buy the belief that a guy like me - no matter how much recovery work I ever do - really deserves to sleep free ...

ChaimYakov says: "I did ask this question in person no less than 4 times to 4 different Rabbanim. The answers I got in order were: 1) You need to get married 2) You need to get rid of the Iternet 3) You need to talk to your Rav about this 4) You probably won't be able to...

"Powerless" has nothing whatsoever to do with 'ilmolei ozro, eino yachol lo' and is not the flipside of 'hakol bidei Shomayim chutz miyir'as Shomayim', at all. Whether I am in control or not is a simple fact: if I cannot stop having sex with myself (most folks call that ...