The Library

Teshuvah is great for non-addicts. Incidentally, I believe that many GYE readers are not addicts. But for the real addicts - that is, those who have suffered enough and are essentially ready for step 1 (of the 12-Step program), I'd avoid and remove and reference to Teshu...

We write down the details of our acting out history on paper (keeping it safe from other eyes, of course). Start with the first discovery of schmutz pleasure or sex in general, and what happened afterward, our next acting out habit behavior, the next ones, and how we went...

Someone writes to Dov: I'm not totally at peace with lust during the day. Sometimes, I do feel like I'm holding back a beast that's ready to explode out of its prison. When I meet a girl I like, it's very difficult for me to ignore the sexual attraction element, just be n...

Someone wrote to Dov: Sometimes, when I'm going through a stressful period, I can find myself masturbating in bed at night semi-consciously. Sometimes, I can stop myself before it gets too late, other times I don't fully realize what I'm doing and go the whole way. Did ...

Dov Replies: The way I look at it, I am not powerless over trying. I am only powerless over succeeding. If I am smart (which I sometimes am) I will try to see things in a way that I will not need to resent and act out emotionally inside or outside - but that is not the ...

Thanks, the Rav's words are so yesodiosdig to me, too. So thanks for reminding me how important it is for me to tell the truth to myself and everyone else today! But there is something I want to share with you and the Rav. At the very beginning of Ch. 5 of AA Bill wro...

You asked about davening for women you see on the street or work with at your job who you have a hard time getting out of your mind. The first business I have with Hashem's pretty women (and shiksas are of course His humans, too) is to have the right relationship with th...

My sponsor used to use that lingo a lot and SA's White Book has it somewhere, too. I use it because, to me, it means that my biggest problem is when I think I can afford to partake of lusting (and eventually also other things like feeling sorry for myself, burning jealou...

Tehillim, kedusha, and even the 12 steps with meetings, sponsors, written stepwork, and regular phone calls whenever in trouble, etc - none of them work at all if we still do not really need to stop. See, right after we masturbate, everybody wishes they'd stop! So us fr...

A sweet GYE guy who has been going to a few SA meetings, too, asked me to try and explain what "powerless" means and to try and clarify what "working his program" means in every day life. I did not do a very thorough job on #2, but #1 seems pretty clear to me... 1) Powerl...

A guy asked me: "First, the 12 steps seem so goyish to me, especially the idea of step 6, "became entirely ready to have G-d remove these defects of character". It just sounds so goyishe to me. Second, I keep feeling like G-d is screwing with me cuz so many obstacles and ...

There is nothing in the 12 steps program that I and the dozens of other frum sober sex addicts I know use that is not found in Torah and Chaza"l. I would be happy to spend the time on the phone discussing the particulars of how and what. But this topic is actually not for...

Dear Chaver! It sounds like the two of you communicate quite a lot, sharing some feelings, and the bitter comments saying "she feels I ignore her", or that she is "exceedingly angry with me that I do this, or don't do that," that she lets you know she feels depressed, etc...

Dear PFN - It was sweet reading your post, though the pain it brings up in my memory is horrible at the same time. I also told some of my story on this site in an earlier post, and I also went through the therapist and medication route. Before that, I went through the tes...

One of the most frequent causes of failure at actually getting better - is forgetting. It would be quite natural for me to consider myself "fixed up" as soon as I turn my back on the first temptation! "It's been three days - I feel better!! I am better!" You'd think that ...

Dov wrote once in one of his posts (which we quoted in a daily e-mail): Saying that "I am lusting after those women because they are obviously begging for it cuz look at how they are dressed!" is BS. I am reasonably certain that the average slutty female out there intends...

There was a discussion on the forum recently about using Mussar and "Sifrei Yirah" to break free of this addiction. Although this may work for people who are not deeply addicted, it rarely works in more serious cases. "Dov", who has 18 years of sobriety through SA, wrote ...

Rashkebahag asks on the forum: I find that people under stress are very prone to this addiction. They use it as an escape. I am under stress in many areas of my life. I used to think that maybe the stress is a divine punishment for my bad habit, but now that I am genuinel...

There is nothing in the world as beautiful, precious and insightful as the experience of old-time strugglers like Dov, who have seen the truly ugly side of the addiction, hit bottom, and yet come all the way back as heroes in shining armor! And when we can learn from thei...

We would like to welcome a true soldier and hero to our community today. He calls himself "Dov" and one of his first post's on our forum where he shares his own personal story spanning 25 years, is one of the most "eye-opening" stories I have ever read. I really must shar...