The Library

My experience bears out that sharing our insides, our hearts with each other, is precious. In fact, it is likely the only thing that matters. That can't be done though, when we have something to "prove", no matter how pure our intentions are. The heart just doesn't seem t...

After I first got sober, I had nothing to do all night long (when I'd have been out messing my life up acting out, of course) and just couldn't get adjusted to actually sleeping at night. We had a little TV "just for the olympics" at first, that my sister bought us. To ma...

I am a broken k'li. I used to be molei busha uch'limah (filled with shame and embarrassment) while acting out. In recovery, I have come to see that I am a k'li sh'vurah (a broken vessel). That's when all my busha and ch'lima leaked out. Now I'm empty. Only Hashem can fill...

I have come to see that there really is something broken with me and that I need Hashem's help to be saved from it. I am an addict. That is the 1st step, as I do it.And I do it every day and all the time, whenever I remember. It's no big deal, it's just the truth about me...

You asked about SA's use of the term "Lust". You are bringing up chazals to understand the term, rather than using examples from your own personal experience - with your own problem. I'm all for chazal, but if we are trying to uncover what is really going on within us, ...

"Bardichev" wrote on the forum: So yes, I am past 90 days - but believe it or not, I also need a little Chizuk! 1) It's not fun any more.2) There is no WAR.3) The "C" bomb: Complacency 4) I want shmutz, but I really don't want it, but I really do, yet I really don't. Whil...

I feel that this entire discussion is nice in theory, but the missing "context" is very loud in its absence. Please bear with me on this... A Rebbe of mine, who was a great gadol b'yisrael (and my mesader kiddushin) told us in a shmuz that being in Yeshiva is all about se...

The issue of "addiction" vs. "Yetzer Hara, Aveiros and Teshuvah" has been discussed many times before on GYE, with me as a participant, too. I love these issues, as they touch on the core of recovery for me and what it has done for my life, my wife's life, and the lives o...

Just last week I was on the way home on a bus and had a similar experience. It was a good thing I called a few folks including an addict who I used to sponsor, my wife (who thinks she sponsors me sometimes), and just a friend out of the blue - all just to reconnect with r...

I have not knowingly lusted today and b"H have not acted out in a while, but when I share in meetings I still say things like "when I act out, I... blah, blah, blah... but b"H I don't need to do that today", because I believe that the day I start saying stuff like, "way b...

Holy Jews, Please consider getting hold of a copy of "Alcoholics Anonymous" and reading it, especially chapters 2 and 3. Just substitute the word "Lust" in place of "alcohol". If you actually read what it has to say and like it, then I'd suggest looking at the last two p...

You may be completely different than I, but maybe not, so I'll share: Facing the facts about myself is basically the only thing that has been of value to me in getting free - one day at a time. And to do that, I need to be explicit and totally open with other (safe) peop...

The reason a person whose life is being messed up by using porn 'should' stop - is to be a human being, rather than to be 'good' or 'frum'. This is simply because as long as such a person keeps his goal 'to be frum', he is blissfully oblivious the fact that he is no...

"Eye.nonymous" writes: When I first joined this forum I was thinking, "I don't have such a big problem. I just have a lot of trouble controlling my eyes on the street. But po** and mast** I just slip up on once in while, and it's really not my fault because I'm trying so...

Chuck C. once said: "What you are looking for, you're looking with; and what you found, came here with you." We've all got Hashem with us, period. When Hashem told the Avos not to fear, "for I am with you," He was not informing them of anything. They always knew he was wi...

Am I a tzaddik for not shooting myself in the head by looking at a magazine rack on the street, or for not clicking on a dirty pop-up ad? Or am I just not a dummy? I choose the latter. Halevai Hashem should call me up after 120 and announce: "Here comes Dov... and he's no...

Yetzer Hara: You're such a shaigetz, you need to go to shul and daven the entire thing. If you don't go to shul, your worthless, and even if you do go, you have to be zoche for your teffilos to reach Hashem. Shaigetz. Me: Right, I am a shaigetz, I give up, I hate myself. ...

Someone wrote on the forum: The issue is regaining control of your life. Religion/faith/the god question has nothing to do with recovery.   Dov responds: My personal experience 'begs to differ' with you on this. And mind you, I'd be the last guy to refer to my addiction a...

I am an addict, and this problem took me for a ride for over 20 years, always getting worse. I learned, studied all about the Yetzer Hara, went to Rebbis, shrinks, and read books, learned harder, and did tons of teshuvah.... Here is what I learned: I masturbated for years...

Someone writes: I know that I have a partially warped image of G-d, and I am trying to figure out what a non-warped image of G-d would look like.... Dov responds: My sponsor told me something funny once. He said that if he could change the Steps he'd make them read inste...