The Library

The rest of today is worth a lot too. A lot of good can happen in a short time. And then there's tomorrow. Say Adon Olam slowly, with kavana. Maybe you'll have less fear, as I do when I say it, especially in my own words. Fear is a real nasty killer.

The reason that the 12 steps are not about our lust problem (beside for the simple admission of our lust illness in the first step) is because our avodas Hashem/sanity/approach to life cannot be about fighting lust either. Focusing on fighting lust means we are probably t...

Someone wrote on the forum: "I feel drained right now. I feel like I've been fighting the whole entire day. I just hope and pray I come out victorious. But it aint over till it's over. Please daven for me. I wanna get over this thing so badly. I feel that if I can get pas...

When my wife and I started communicating more directly and clearly about this stuff, things really started getting better. Pressures and resentments were reduced significantly, and we were - and are - both happier, b"H. It took a few bouts of this "pain, then calm, then m...

Dear holy person - it sounds like you are reaching out for help. If you feel that you are not just a sinner, but are actually out of your mind - meaning: out of control - and have come to believe that you are pretty much hopelessly self-destructive, you may be in luck. Mo...

Ask yourself if you still really believe you are unable to use the behaviors you used to depend on, and if you are unable to control them at all and are really finished with them. Then, ask Hashem to help you stay clean today. I never ask for His help to tomorrow. (Ok, re...

When I feel that way, I get me to a meeting. We gotta get out of our heads and take actions of love whenever we are too filled up with self-concern, even good self-concern - and it's too much self-concern if it is leading me a direction like giving up, sadness, or anythin...

Until today, my oldest son and I have deep difficulties in communication and basic lack of faith in each others' love that I trace directly to the fact that he was an obstacle to my lust back then, before I started in recovery. It actually gets more obvious (and more pain...

Dear friend,You may need more support than you are getting, particularly the non-virtual kind. After all, our problem isn't just "virtual"...I am absolutely positive that, in my case, there was no substitute for biting the bullet and meeting to talk in person with other g...

Dov writes: "The only thing worse for an addict than bad fortune, is good fortune." - Chuck C. "Nobody ever got sober over profundity... it's a program of love and action." Hey, you know I love the profundity at least as much as the next guy does. But to really succeed,...

Dov wrote on the forum: As long as they keep trying the same exact thing and expecting a completely different result (it'll work/I really mean it this time!), they are doomed to keep having taynos (complaints) on Hashem, thinking "why is He not helping me?!". The things t...

Someone wrote on the forum: I've been avoiding shabbos naps ever since the time change. You're better off staying up through shabbos, learning and spending time with family and friends - and then going to bed at a normal hour. Otherwise, you end up awake and alone at the ...

When I hit bottom and first started real recovery, I made my priority doing whatever it takes to stay sober today. I wouldn't call it "working on my addiction", because for me, that puts too much power into my ego. After all, my addiction was really working on me. I did m...

You are Hashem's deeply loved child. He looks at you from inside your own eyes and heart, even in your painful inner struggles, and smiles. Because He knows you are already a winner. We are winners because we are loved by Him and everything is going to be alright, no m...

As an addict, my life was basically taken over by lust. My life was in the toilet. and that means that so was my davening and learning. Not a nice place for those things, right? Getting clean is simply the #1 priority for an addict. Nothing else really matters. No, my lea...

The first step to recovery is to stop using your drug and to do whatever you need to do to stay clean. Then, as the pain of living happens, have the help you need to live through it usefully. And that pain will come, for the stuff that drives us crazy in life (about ourse...

Something I've noticed lately of myself, maybe you're the same...When my mind is trying to convince me to act out, white will seem like black, up will seem like down, etc. I have found that I am powerless against this addiction. It doesn't matter how strong any kabbalah I...

B"H, a recovering drunk (his name is Sandy Beach. Really! :-) taught me that in sobriety he eventually came to see that his real problem actually isn't drinking. His actual living problem is - sobriety! Living sober "really drives him to drink"! :-) Yup. Through his strug...

My own experience has been that self-knowledge is a double-edged sword. It can draw me deeper into the Problem, deeper into my fantasy that I have the power to "make" myself better on my own, and deeper into mental isolation from others. For me, the gift of self-knowledge...

We tried to offer advice to someone who posted for help on the forum and suggested things like phone groups, therapy, partners, etc... He replied as follows: "My wife knows nothing of my addiction, so any phone group really wouldn't work. Going to a therapist is also a pr...