The Library

It's been frequently noted that to tell anyone, "I love you," we need first be able to declare the "I." And only when we develop a personal identity may we respond personally to life. So identification with another and with life is an art that starts with identifying ours...

Question to the Rav: I struggle with lust for many years. I have been going out with a girl for a while now and I am deeply attracted to her personality. I enjoy our time together, our conversations of deep meaning. But I have little physical attraction to her. I am not s...

You're not going to believe this, but here goes - If not for this addiction, I would not have learned the concept of surrendering to G-d and the Torah, which all Jews have to do. The way I learned this crucial concept was, in trying to find what works in fighting an add...

After 3 1/2 years in 'the struggle', here are a few thoughts: 1. There are no chidushim - as the mesilas yesharim writes, we already know most of the things we need to know, it's a matter of reviewing them and putting them into practice. 2. Be patient with yourself - t...

What

You asked about davening for women you see on the street or work with at your job who you have a hard time getting out of your mind. The first business I have with Hashem's pretty women (and shiksas are of course His humans, too) is to have the right relationship with th...

Is It Helping or Enabling? You see a disheveled person asking for tzedakka: Is he an alcoholic or drug addict, or just a person down on his luck and in need of a helping hand? Your friend asks you to help him find a job, but to tell the truth, you don’t think your...

When struggling with this issue, most people think they are just dealing with a much larger than usual Yetzer Hara, or simply a lack of self-control. It is neither of these. It is vital to understand that this is an addiction. An addiction is a spiritual and psychological...

By Naomi Wolf in The Times, London   Andrea Dworkin, the anti-porn activist, rose to fame in the 1980s arguing that if we did not limit pornography most men would objectify women more intensively and treat them less as people than as porn stars. The floodgates would open;...

Suppose I were to call one of you on the phone and say the following:Hi, here’s what needs to be done today:First wash my car – scrub it well and rinse thoroughly.Next, my shoes need a perfect shine – make sure to buff them evenly.Third, my laundry needs to be done today....

There are three different mind-frames that one can use when he is faced with a strong challenge in Shmiras Ha'ainayim or Shmiras Ha'bris . Each person can choose the one that works best for him. There also may be times when one way will work better for you than the other ...

The middah of humility is one of the most powerful tools in dealing with sexual desire and obsession. When you are feeling weak, vulnerable and needy, and everything inside you in craving to just give in, one of the best ways to overcome the test is to just let go and say...

Rav Nachman says, the name of the Yetzer Hara in our generation is "Dimyon" - "imagination". This is very deep. That's truly all the Yetzer Hara is, a big bubble of "imaginary" pleasure that just pops in your face! Think about it. Sexuality is really 97% desire and only 3...

Never underestimate the value of each and every time you say no to yourself. Sometimes a person is feeling weak and says to themselves, "what's the difference if I look now at something that I know I shouldn't - I'm anyway not feeling strong now". You must believe in the ...

The Yetzer Hara's biggest tool in getting people to sin, is depression. One way to always remain happy is to remember that everything we go through in life - including all of the "unfulfilled" desires that we think we need and all the suffering that we endure, it is all o...

Do not EVER let the Yetzer Hara make you sad or dejected if you stumble. This sadness can be worse than the sin itself. The Yetzer Hara is hoping to get you depressed and take you away from Hashem and from yourself. We must always serve Hashem be'simcha. This is one of th...

"I have tried to stop over and over, but just can't seem to. I have even gone like 3 or 4 months without porn, but always the desire grows so strong that life seems too dull and worthless to live without being able to indulge in the viewing of women... " We would like to ...

Bitul (self-nullification). Learn to think "Who am I to want anything? We are not here for pleasure. I am doing the work of the king every time I say "No". What more can a Jew want in this world? Along these lines of Bitul, R' Nachman offers a powerful suggestion. Whenev...