The Library

The most important realization for me, is what I/we are up against. It is not the need to masturbate that entices us to look, it is the looking itself that is addictive, and masturbation is merely a peak of those desires. We desire to let our eyes feed on an image. The be...

"In my youth, I was considered a bright and diligent student. How did I accomplish this? I tricked my yetzer hara. Other children had great plans at the beginning of the school year for the whole year, but in the end they failed. I said to myself, "I am going to plan just...

When the pain of staying sober becomes less than the pain of acting out, you'll stay sober.

We need to develop a mindset that the way the world dresses these days is not only inappropriate, it's sub-human and unusually weird. Rabbi Bentzion Shafier from theshmuz.com gives a mashal to this. Imagine you're hiking in the woods and you smell a nice aroma. You walk a...

Today I thought of an important yesod. After a fall we get self critical and say, "yes we try hard but ultimately we aren't really so good. We end up giving in too easily and don't fight like other tzadikim fight." These are words that seem to ring true but they are the ...

  Guarding your eyes starts internally with guarding your mind. Triggers only harm us if we haven't trained our minds to do what we want. Just as triggers trained us one way, we can reprogram and train our minds to react in a different way. Sometimes it doesn't seem that...

The facts don't change for an addict in recovery. The addiction is STILL much stronger and, as far as I know, always will be. The only way out is never to let the addiction in the drivers seat. Keep the real you in charge, as much as it may hurt. And it doeshurt... and yo...

When the spies came back and declared "we can't" inherit the land of Israel, the entire nation wept that night in their tents. And Hashem declared that "since you cried on this night for nothing, you will cry on this night for generations". The crying for generations that...

In the course of our trip, we had to ride the subway a few times, go through airports and drive through Manhattan. You can imagine the Shmiras Ainayim struggles in those places in mid-summer! A thought occurred to me that helped me in these areas. Wherever I turned, there...

The heiliger Divrei Chayim (or maybe it was the Sfas Emess) said: "Enlightened folks don't desire freedom so that they can do whatever they like whenever they want - like empty-headed fools, but rather so that they can actually succeed at fighting for Kvod Shomayim in thi...

Attitudes dictate actions and then actions can drag the attitudes down with them, but it all starts with the way you frame it in your mind. I have found that if I spend a minute before I leave the office focusing on the fact that I am going to encounter all the denizens o...

You know, there may be different approaches for different people. Some people like to fight the Yetzer Hara with fire. That stopped working for me after a while, because I got exhausted at the prospect that I'd always be fighting. Instead, I've been a little sneakier late...

Here is something to help you think about when you get jealous on the street. Having a beautiful wife does not solve our problem. I find my wife very beautiful and very attractive. I would rather be with her than anyone else, but it doesn't help my porn addiction one bit...

Yesterday as I walked out of my building, there was this lady who lives across the street walking towards her car. I think she's attractive and it's hard not to keep an eye out for her. This, my Yetzer Hara would say, was a prime opportunity. BUT then this little voice ca...

Such times are truly a test, and through them you can reach tremendous growth. Hashem is with you in China, just as He is always. Remember what Dov always says, "no situation can be bad enough that a little lusting won't make it even worse"... The things we are looking fo...

Look at your hand. What do you see? A part of your body, an appendage made of bone and sinew covered with flesh and skin. It is filled with nerves, blood vessels and lymph ducts which run through it and connect it to your body, making it part of you. You can open and clos...