@yitzchokm Found it!Thankyou

Mindfulness, and breath work might help with the hyperactivity. Look up super-brain yoga also. Also strength training and aerobic excersice to get rid of all the excess energy. The urge surfing videos can also help with the excess energy if you can replace the word urges with the hyperactivity you feel.

I hope Hashem helps you feel calmer soon. I can identify with the feeling of being overly hyper, it certainly isn't pleasant. You can be be aware of your current surroundings and breathe deeply and be aware of the breath.

You can try to identify something you can see, hear, feel, and smell to slow you down.

Interesting feedback and good points. I do think I've always been more attracted to porn than masturbation and that may have something to do with it as well. Hmmm.

Said interesting feedback did nothing to stop me continuing watching some porn today. 

Boss contacted me that we got hacked. That threw me into a panic that I went on some shady porn site which infected the office network, or even if I didn't, that the investigation into what happened will turn up my porn use. That did scare me straight for the remainder of the day. . . 

I have a little bit of doubt if this is what Hashem wants from me RN, or I should get some mental health counseling first.

Also, i have a very mind intensive job for an hour every day. I told my rav that I'm focusing on other things now and I want to give up the job. He didn't let me. I have ZERO focus, I'm as restless one can get. How do I frickin work? I just can't! I'm punching the couch in my house jumping around like a maniac. Is this what Hashem wants from me?!?

Should I not listen to my Rav and give up the job?!? I'm so confused!!!

daverose2 wrote on 08 Jul 2025 19:38:

Can relate so much... Thanks for sharing

I feel like I have the energy to move a mountain RN.

Had the same tthing Shabbos night after the seudah, but didn't make the connection. 

I'm hyper AF! Need help.

Just watched Beating the 2-3 Week Hurdle. I found it very normalizing and helpful. Check it out.

Hi
I had an interesting observation today. My whole life I had a closed personality. I never felt the need to share my personal life with anyone family friends... I never shared if I was going through a hard tekufa if I was stressed or even just tired. I always thought it was my personality. And truthfully I didnt mind giving the impression that Im just a chilled relaxed happy guy. 
It just hit me that over the past couple weeks even though im far from an open book. I started sharing much more of my feelings with my wife and friends and even having conversations about topics that I usually ran from. Whats apparent is that it wasnt my personality that made me so closed. It was my struggle I had a fear of sharing of being vulnerable. I let my feelings shut down completely. Either because of the shmutz in my head or the guilt of what I was doing.
After only 2 and a half months of growth and recognizing and understanding what im struggling with and working on myself to change. I find it pretty amazing how much can change in such a short period of time. 
Theres still a long way to go but theres nothing like the feeling of not just believing but SEEING that change is possible and within reach!!
Thank you!

sytv2002 wrote on 08 Jul 2025 16:56:

Hi sytv2002,

I log on from time to time, and I'm reading some of your recent posts.

1- Congratulations on your commitment to check in every day for 90 days straight, and for you honestly.
Its much more exciting to share after 90 days that you are clean/sober for 80 Days, than share your honest struggles.

2- My experience when i started my journey was very similar, i would checkin each day with the same post " Today is day 26 and were going to do it " ..... " Today is day 27 ..... "

I remember someone making a comment saying that I keep posting the same cliché  posts everyday ( Which of course hurt me). But honestly this is was got me sober. Honesty is the key.

I got  a sponsor on GYE, who recomened me to the 12 step conference calls, and eventually I went to SA. 

I'm grateful to Hashem and GYE that I'm sober today.

thompson wrote on 04 Jul 2025 14:44:

Oh lord.
My stomach is already hurting from the popcorn. 
Too much trauma for me on this one. 
Thank god this is something from the past (With a lot of work) 

hopeful yingeman wrote on 08 Jul 2025 17:11:

נודע ביהודה - תניינא או"ח סי' לה'
You can see form his response that he didnt think it was weird. And yes, he had intercourse with his mother in law (it began before he was married) for 3 years. She was married the entire time.....

Ah I see I'm busted. Here I was, flying low, maintaining radio silence.. Very well, if you insist. The truth is, the 2nd 30 days were good, days of cleanliness and growth! But day 61? Not so much. A setback. A fall. A failure. Call it what you will. Definitely disappointing. Seems I was flying a bit too close to the ground. So I'm back in the single digits. I'm still doing the post-mortem, but here are a few facts retrieved from the black box:

1) The few days before, I slacked off from my daily reading of TBOTG
2) I really haven't posted much here, unlike with my first (extremely optimistic) streak a few months back
3) The fall coincides with some (preplanned) stressful items on my to-do list, I'm quite aware that that's why I ended up watching porn
4) It started the same way as the last few falls, the YH's 1-2 punch: first with poking, and 'accidentally' seeing something dangerously close to porn, then iwantlife thinking "that's basically porn, you're screwed anyway, just finish the deed"
5) Though I have 2 layers of accountability, I didn't quite reach out to one of them in time.

Now for some thoughts:

1) Must read TBOTG, every day. Full Stop. Accountability w/o motivation only goes so far.

2) I should post more often. Firstly because it's healthy and productive for me to feel engaged here on the forum. Also, although I BH have acquired many great friends and mentors, and engage offline with them, as time goes on, our lives get busy and we don't communicate as often as we once did. I need all the help I can get, and that means you guys!

3) As chaimoigen (and many others) have pointed out, I don't really have a "lust problem" (generally speaking), I have a "living problem". Harsh but true. The fact is, watching porn since you're 10 to escape stress creates some pretty strong neural pathways re escaping when the going gets tough, That said, I've gone for 6 months before, and 2 months now, I certainly can  do it; I need to be better about managing life, because its a ride that I can't (and don't want to!) get off of. How exactly, I'm not sure, open to suggestions..

4) I BH have a great accountability partner for not poking etc.. but once I did, almost mindlessly, I struggled to rebalance and pull back. I must work on that. Not sure how to, open to suggestions..

5) As mentioned, and mentioned in an earlier post, my situation a tricky one, simply that I can, with minimal effort, get around my filter & webchaver. Not good at all. I have, to that end, accountability partners both for when I go on and offline (I'm on for a few hours daily), and another, aforementioned partner for not poking/inappropriate searches. The idea being that it's easier to be accountable for gedarim than for 'not falling'. These have worked great till they didn't, and like I said, when I broke the geder, I mean I turned around and there was very clearly a hole in the fence. I do think I need to be better about reaching out immediately when I make such a hole. That's probably the only way to mend it. Thing is, I've mentioned this after previous falls, and haven't progressed much it seems. Open to suggestions..

Well there you have it. I would've hoped to have better news; at least I went 60 days, so BH for that accomplishment! Now, let's do better. I hope to share more thoughts and positive actions over the coming days that I'm adding to my toolbox, and I welcome the oilam's input above all. It's been about a year since I began my first 180 day streak, iy"H looking forward to matching that and beyond!

With love and hope (and change?),
iwantlife

Hi. Just checking in.
TY"H, already at 20 days.
Motivation starting to fade out.
In touch with a great mentor. 
Life feels dull.

Just realized, I'm already at 9+ monthes clean of P (275+ days). For some reason I thought only 6.

Spoke with my Rav. He told me to ease my Shmiras Einiyim and walk like a normal person on the street. 

So long, fellow fighters!

hopeful yingeman wrote on 08 Jul 2025 17:11:

It likely means exactly what your fantasy thinks it means.

I don't think it's important whether the Noda BeYehuda thought it's weird or not, but rather, here you have a guy who was to all external appearances a choshuv guy and his shvigger was his trigger (and then some).

what do u mean by "slept with his shviger for 3 years"? (btw how can u see in a teshuva if he thinks its weird or not?) where is the teshuva?