Good morning, all.

Sadly, I gave into the struggle and had an M fall last night. Oh well. Clean eyes though.

Sticking to my gedarim regarding leisurely Internet use when no one is around. Not going to get into a rut again.

Day Count: 0 Days
No 'P' Count: 11 Days
Cumulative Count: 1670 Days

Love the two counts !! It helps keep us in perspective that it's not all or nothing!
   Your friend lamah!

Hello, all.

Thankfully, I had a clean day yesterday with no post-fall downward spiral. Keeping my guard up.

Day Count: 1 Days
No 'P' Count: 12 Days
Cumulative Count: 1671 Days

Good morning, all.

Unfortunately, I had an 'M' fall yesterday. Clean eyes. I am sticking to my gedarim about leisurely Internet use. Keeping my guard up.

Day Count: 1 Days
No 'P' Count: 13 Days
Cumulative Count: 1671 Days

Hello, all.

Thankfully, yesterday was a clean day. I am working on increasing my resolve to refrain from P&M. It can't be an option.

lamaazavtuni wrote on 23 Jun 2025 18:25:

The day count alone is an insufficient assessment of one's progress. A day is an either-or. Either you are 'on track' or you 'had a fall'. That doesn't capture the smaller wins. The amount of times that one said 'no' or that one stuck to boundaries/gedarim to avoid being triggered in the first place. I have far more wins than I have falls. Today, I can report two weeks since looking at P. 

Day Count: 2 Days
No 'P' Count: 14 Days
Cumulative Count: 1672 Days

Good morning and a gutten chodesh.

Expressing gratitude to Hashem for another clean day yesterday. My plan is to keep my guard up and stick to my gedarim.

Day Count: 3 Days
No 'P' Count: 15 Days
Cumulative Count: 1673 Days

Good morning, all.

As I have written about in the past, now is the time when I feel confident and start breaking through my gedarim. Not this time. I am going to refrain from leisurely Internet at work today and make it another clean day with Hashem's help.

Day Count: 13 Days
No 'P' Count: 25 Days
Cumulative Count: 1683 Days

Hello, all.

I am grateful for two weeks clean of M.

As I begin my work day, I am not struggling at all around P or M. However, I am struggling with allowing myself a few minutes to casually use the Internet. How bad could it be? I have a meeting in 15 minutes, I won't be נמשך.

Still, my decision is a resounding 'no.' I have a גדר that I will בל"נ not use Internet recreationally unless others are around. I am alone now and, therefore, it isn't going to happen.

Day Count: 14 Days
No 'P' Count: 26 Days
Cumulative Count: 1684 Days

Just watched Beating the 2-3 Week Hurdle. I found it very normalizing and helpful. Check it out.

Good morning, all.

I am grateful for another clean day. Yesterday, I stuck with my geder of no recreational Internet use when no one else is around.

I started the work day today reading Lesson 2. Are You Ready for This Level of Support? and watching Turbulence in the Brain. Both in the 'Daily Plan' on my GYE Dashboard. When I joined GYE, that content was yet to be part of my experience. Even if it was available, it wasn't front and center on a dashboard. When it first appeared, I ignored it. I come here for the day count and the forum. For some reason (read: divine assistance), yesterday, I decided to start reviewing the content. It has already made a big difference. I feel like my struggle with P&M is more serious. I feel more motivated.

Day Count: 15 Days
No 'P' Count: 27 Days
Cumulative Count: 1685 Days

Hello, all.

Grateful to Hashem for another clean day. I stuck to my plan to refrain from leisurely Internet use when home alone. I also found that I spent less time on my phone. My phone isn't one of my problem devices as it has the GenTech filter that only allows whitelisted apps and no browser. Still, I noticed that I am slowly moving away from always turning to a screen.

Started my work day reading Why This Changes Everything and watching Urge Surfing. Good stuff.

Day Count: 16 Days
No 'P' Count: 28 Days
Cumulative Count: 1686 Days

Good morning, all. 

I am grateful for another clean day. I am continuing to stick to my geder of no leisurely Internet use when no else is around and I don't plan on changing any time soon or ever. I have plenty of other things to do.

I started the work day reading Finding Your Partner and Starting Right and watching Embracing the Messy Truth About Recovery. These readings and videos have helped me.

I don't think a short forum post will do my thoughts justice, but I do want to share one point that I don't think I have ever shared on GYE. My sister has been in NA for close to 20 years. She is an inspiration. The question of 'am I an addict?' has plagued me for my entire struggle. I always remind myself 'addiction runs in families.' I tried so hard to stay away from alcohol and drugs because I didn't want to end up with the issues that my sister had. Is my pornography and masturbation use my addiction? I have never had a ruined relationship, loss of employment, loss of money over it, so maybe not. I don't build up a higher tolerance nor do I have withdrawal symptoms, so maybe not (although according to Turbulence in the Brain, I do have withdrawal symptoms). I don't think I am in denial as I acknowledge the struggle and have been part of GYE for over five years.

The real question though is 'what difference does it make?' This week, especially through watching those videos, I came to an understanding. Convincing myself that I am not an 'addict' has prevented me from having a stronger resolve to stop. Despite the negative religious implications, I have led myself to believe that my struggle is not that big of a deal.

This is for me: IT IS A BIG DEAL! Watching pornography and masturbating are not options. The answer is 'no'. I can never do them again. 

So, am I an 'addict?' Whatever answer will help me to never again view porn or masturbate is my answer today and always.

Day Count: 17 Days
No 'P' Count: 29 Days
Cumulative Count: 1687 Days