I was never officially diagnosed but i don't doubt that i suffered from at times paralyzing anxiety and doubts. I broke my longest streak of over a year  during my first encounter with these extreme anxiety feelings.  I'm definitely not a therapist but you said as long as you suffered you can offer advice so ill just say that what finally worked for me was acceptance. Tell yourself you accept everything even the anxiety itself. Say welcome anxiety so glad your here. O h your afraid of fiil in the blank? Yes that's definitely very possible your right that blankblankblank might be true or might happen. I'm just fine with that thought lurking in my mind i don't need you to leave.. whatever you get the idea. Also another thing that helps is that sometimes not always its possible to quickly switch topics in your mind, not to fight your current thought but start thinking about something else preferably that interests you. Cant say I'm perfect( and i accept that too! i accept that i may live with this to a certain extent) but I'm bh very far along after some effort with this stuff. Hatzlacha raba this is a really hard fight but i really believe you can get past it

yours truly jwbf

jewizard21 wrote on 18 Jun 2025 05:52:

Thank you for the detailed follow-up.

It could be quite reasonable for you to say that never looking is too much to expect right now, but, the huge difference will be (and what you seem to be saying you are doing) that you are working on shemiras einayim, just starting with a stable beginning. If you focus on those shemiras einayim wins and appreciate the meaning of those accomplishments, over time, you should BezH be able to build on that foundation as you progress.

Have a wonderful Shabbos!

Hi I'm new here but just wanna say I'm inspired by your journey sounds like you're getting somewhere despite a really hard situation.

I once had a somewhat similar situation regarding the emuna issues you mentioned at points in your thread. I don't want to generalize or assume anything because I know everyone is different. Just saying that with me it was definitely anxiety/obsessive thoughts related and once i realized that it was the beginning of me getting out of it. Hatzlacha and kol hakavod may your perseverance be a lesson for me and all of the rest of us on here 

Thank you very much for your advice and for breaking it down I found it clear and helpful. And yes of course I will stay in touch with Reb eerie.

Just to clarify because I thought I addressed some of your points in my question. Truth is that I didn't write it so clearly so I'll  make a few points to clarify.

1. I am not talking about discarding shmiras einayim. I mean to tackle it after I am in a stronger position with M.
2. I am ready to be mindful of it even now and try to improve.

My question is like this. While I appreciate your point that if you are using your eyes to feed your lust that means you are still feeding the lust mania inside, I do not feel like I'm ready to say I simply will not look at all every time I go in the street or the store. As opposed to my battle with M and P where I'm ready to say you know what I'm done with this. In addition I think that if I would try to get myself to do that it would feel to me like the whole fight is too overwhelming. Also in addition is that I think based on past experience when this mehalech actually worked for me that once I've cleaned myself from constant sex obsession  by breaking out of P and M I will find the battle of looking much easier than taking it on together as one big battle.

I think I made my question more clear and thank you benhashembh for helping me do that

chosemyshem wrote on 20 Jun 2025 17:09:

 Well put! Love it.

vibrantdolphin18 wrote on 20 Jun 2025 07:36:

I promise you that viewing 90 as the ticket is an excellent way to binge on day 91.

90 is a great goal. So is 30. But day-long streaks are a short term measure.

In the long term it's about leveraging your "want to want" to set up systems and tools that keep you going on the journey. Eventually, if you put in the hard work, inner change happens at some point.

A good place to start is the book Vehkam mentioned. Another good place to start is with a mentor.

Hatzlacha!

Day 86 posting… day 2 clean. 

baruch Hashem had such a great day yesterday. tonight will probably be very hard. Childhood crush and her husband will be in my house. I’ll hopefully leave before they even get there. But iyh I’ll stay clean through shabbos

I suffered terribly from OCD after I got married pertaining to the halachas of family purity, as well as general marriage anxieties, such as whether I was permitted to be married and if the kiddushin was valid. This was compounded by a misplaced and immature sense of kedusha. While I had issues with OCD before marriage, it intensified significantly after I got married. Every time my wife counted and went to the mikvah, it was sheer terror for me.

This had a severe, negative effect on our relationship. Every time we were together, it was fraught with extreme anxiety. The Rav I was in contact with at the time had no understanding of my condition and unfortunately made things worse by frightening me even more. I am incredibly lucky that my wife stood by me during those turbulent times. It took about two years for my healing to begin. I'm not entirely sure how, but things eventually calmed down.

However, the experience left a lasting stain. I still resent the fact that I didn't have a normal start to married life. This also contributed to my struggles with lust; once the dam of my anxieties broke, a sense of apathy took over, and I went to the other extreme.

Boy, am I late to the party!!

JWBF, just seeing your thread here inspires me!!! Boy does your story with your kindergarten teacher resonate - I remember getting triggered by my 1st grade teacher bending down in front of me with a loose blouse.... nuff said.....

Your persistence is encouraging and here's my sincerest hopes for you to grow, grow, and grow, and beat the beast!!!

With a ton of brotherly love,
Muttel

Shalom Brother JustWannaBeFree and welcome!

I think it may help to break this up into individual points, and then discuss in more detail from there.

When you say kabala on shemiras einayim, do you mean to work on it, or is this like an all-or-nothing for you?

Can you focus on one area at a time? I think absolutely, but you need to have the overall goal and mindset that nothing is hefker, it's just a work in progress that requires manageable and truthful steps.

You can externally work on not masturbating, perhaps white-knuckling, but if you're using lack of shemiras einayim as a lust/tayva outlet, that will make it much more difficult to achieve the internal change. 

If you are being mindful about shemiras einayim and seeing improvements, be proud of that. Check in with yourself honestly when you can continue to make progress whilst maintaining your work on staying away from p and m. 

No one is deciding that they need to stop speaking lashon hara and poof. It's daily learning, practicing, being mindful, and growing as a process. You can take large steps at times, but the ultimate results will always be a life's work of continuous refinement.

Do what you can be, and just be wary of letting excuses slip in. Stay in touch with Reb Eerie and make sure that you are finding the right balance for you at this time, and pushing as needed, where needed, in a stable, honest, and manageable way.

Hatzlacha and Kol Tov

SisonYishecha wrote on 20 Jun 2025 04:11:

We should have a platform for people that this (myself included). I've crept back into the system to fight back with love and care for my talmidim. A quote I once heard: "if you're going to shecht talmidim, just open a shlacthoiz........"

Unfortunately I've encountered such a shochet in my Yeshiva experience, and 25 years later it still hurts......... The only Nechama is that we need to believe that Hashem controls the world and no-one can hurt us without His permission....

SY, next time we meet, we can cry together for those innocent, bright teens hurt by mosdos........

Muttel

So impressive!

vibrantdolphin18 wrote on 20 Jun 2025 07:36:

Welcome buddy and good luck! as per your post your not the first one, doesn't it say about the yidden in the midbar ויתאבו תאוה, and they got their wish......., so if that's what happens when someone wants to want bad, כל שכן when it comes to good, stay in there and you will see that your wish will come true,

with a warm understanding heart,
The alteh

do you have a copy of The Battle of the Generation?