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Chizzuk Needed

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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

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TOPIC: Chizzuk Needed 22181 Views

Re: Chizzuk Needed 10 Jun 2025 06:23 #437140

amevakesh Current streak: 761 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 441 Karma: 62	Hurts like hell to read. Here's a hug, and to hoping that the great warrior within you is brought out and forged by this terrible battle. Feeing for you my friend. Please keep us posted whether the tide turns, or even if not, please stay in touch.
	Feel free to email me at amevakesh23@gmail.com

Re: Chizzuk Needed 10 Jun 2025 15:04 #437150

upanddown
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simchastorah wrote on 04 Jun 2025 16:38:

Thanks for checking in friends. I'm sorry to report that I have not been clean. I fell a few days in a row last week, each day multiple times. I didn't fall on Motzei Shabbos or Sunday or Motzei Shavuos and had a great and uplifting yontif with strong learning through the night. But then yesterday and today I fell a bunch of times. I feel totally out of control.

Like I've mentioned before the main thing for me in being clean is just being clean. It's a switch that I switch on or off. And when it's on then all the eitzos help to make it go smoother, or to maintain. But when it's off it feels like all the eitzos in the world are for a different person.

But ein shum yeush, I will keep on fighting and b'ezer Hashem I will get clean again and win the battle. I will be clean so I can be close to Hashem and have a healthy relationship with my wife. And build a holy home. And learn with holy eyes. And not be part of the cause of ושב מאחריך. I will keep fighting this terrible battle beh.

Dear Simchastorah,
You're a true inspiration! Your ups and your downs are so full of honesty and real avoida. Keep strong and keep inspiring us!!

I may be wrong, but I have a feeling (from following your thread when you counted day by day; and based on what you wrote here) that "the clean streak" is very important to you. I wonder if this is something that's holding you back from getting back up properly. For me, the clean streak has been beneficial but also often very destructive. Every time I fell after a long clean streak, I had this fear of getting back up and tried to utilise the downfall. It took me time to realise that the counting must be a total side point. Totally irrelevant. It's just a slight incentive, nothing more than that. The main thing is the inner change, finding the root of the issue and techniques/thoughts that speak to you.

I may be totally off target.

Either way, we're looking forward to hearing from you more about your journey...

חזק ואמץ,
UpAndDown

My favourite resources:
1. "זאת בריתי". hebrewbooks.org/56572 (PM me for a sharper version)
2. "שערי גדולה". hebrewbooks.org/48344
3. guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation

My journey: Emunah struggles, Celebrating a fall, I'm fed up(main thread), I'm drowning, Tips for Shmiras Einayim.

Last Edit: 10 Jun 2025 15:07 by upanddown.

Re: Chizzuk Needed 12 Jun 2025 05:23 #437254

simchastorah
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Day 3 ב"ה

@upanddown I appreciate the insight.

I agree that streaks are a double edged sword.

Something else that I have mentioned, including in the post you posted in response to, is that the main thing in being clean for me is being clean. I don't know how much more I could do in terms of recognizing the underlying issues. I have exhausted that, and continue to work on it. And techniques are helpful, but only for someone who wants to be clean. I think my issue is falling into a darkness where I don't really have the ratzon to be clean. When this happens, having a streak can be enough to get me through for some time until I regain that ratzon. But all the urge surfing in the world will not bring the ratzon, and rehashing my inner issues and mistakes for the 1000th time may not either.

Re: Chizzuk Needed 21 Jul 2025 18:56 #439213

simchastorah
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Day 14 ב"ה

BH doing well. Reviewing daily the pros and cons of engaging with or abstaining from acting out. Without that I seem to forget that it's just not worth it.

edit - after posting this I reread my last post from before this and I see that I was talking about ratzon over there. Clinically and coldly contemplating again and again the negatives compared with the positives of viewing etc as well as the positives vs the negatives of not doing help me to have that ratzon not to do it. Or the ratzon to be btahara. Depending on what's speaking to me more.

Last Edit: 21 Jul 2025 19:00 by simchastorah.

Re: Chizzuk Needed 21 Jul 2025 21:23 #439222

upanddown Current streak: 105 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 324 Karma: 33	It's so good to have you back @simchastorah! We've missed you... Wishing you continued Hatzlacha!
	My favourite resources: 1. "זאת בריתי". hebrewbooks.org/56572 (PM me for a sharper version) 2. "שערי גדולה". hebrewbooks.org/48344 3. guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation My journey: Emunah struggles, Celebrating a fall, I'm fed up(main thread), I'm drowning, Tips for Shmiras Einayim.

Re: Chizzuk Needed 23 Jul 2025 20:27 #439336

chancyhk
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simchastorah wrote on 21 Jul 2025 18:56:

Its a simcha for me to see you here Rabbi Simcha!

Did you ever read my posts in the Logic over Lust thread? I think they could be very helpful for you.

Re: Chizzuk Needed 24 Jul 2025 04:51 #439349

simchastorah
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chancyhk wrote on 23 Jul 2025 20:27:

simchastorah wrote on 21 Jul 2025 18:56:

Its a simcha for me to see you here Rabbi Simcha!

Did you ever read my posts in the Logic over Lust thread? I think they could be very helpful for you.

Of course I read your posts! I'm your #1 fan

Re: Chizzuk Needed 28 Jul 2025 17:31 #439546

simchastorah Current streak: 5 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 565 Karma: 23	Day 21 ב"ה

Re: Chizzuk Needed 28 Jul 2025 18:17 #439550

chancyhk Current streak: 1155 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 129 Karma: 25	simchastorah wrote on 28 Jul 2025 17:31: Day 21 ב"ה Dear Simches Torah, I cant wait to meet you already and dance with you all night!

Re: Chizzuk Needed 24 Aug 2025 01:21 #440719

frank.lee
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Rav Simcha, you've been a bit quiet. How all is ok. Are you going through a stressful time?

Have you read The Battle of the Generation? If yes, does it help you? Instead of trying to convince yourself to want to be clean and not fall, and trying to white-knuckle, it can energize you with excitement to have the opportunities to succeed in overcoming your challenges? Sorry if you've discussed this already.

Last Edit: 24 Aug 2025 01:21 by frank.lee.

Re: Chizzuk Needed 24 Aug 2025 19:17 #440752

simchastorah
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Thanks for checking in. I am indeed going through a stressful time, though less because of external stimuli than my life long (so far) struggle towards mental health.

Regarding BOTG, I have listened to the whole book in audio form, and it was definitely helpful. I'd like to continue reviewing it, but I got really tired off the AI audiobook reading, though admittedly some of the pronunciations are hilarious. I have the ebook on my computer but I don't like reading it from the computer. I'm not sure where to get a physical copy