silentbattle wrote on 09 May 2021 21:08:

Hi. Great to hear from you, and so happy to hear about your living in recovery.

If I understand correctly, you're working the steps? I seem to remember you had a "Torah Approach" back in the day... Can you share with us your story? I'm sure it could be very interesting and helpful to a lot of our members... 

military613 wrote on 28 Apr 2021 16:32:

That's interesting, because I got an email from "someone" last year who wrote:

Hi Yaakov,
You've been such an amazing help to me over the years. 
I just want to give you some nachas.I got married a couple of weeks ago to the most incredible yiras shamayim beautiful girl I can imagine. May we only share in Simchas.

Suddenly when we're married and discover that our wife is a "real person", she's no longer so attractive anymore, right? 

Many people who come to our website for help claim the same thing: that they are not attracted to their wives and feel they need to get it elsewhere. But I will let you in on a little secret: when someone gets addicted to these things, even the most beautiful woman is not enough for them.

For example, here's an excerpt from an e-mail we got from a frustrated spouse:

"... The situation is getting from worse to terrible. These days, my husband doesn't only look at women, but he also tries chatting them up, even when we are together. He starts joking around with them and even made a couple of inappropriate comments. I don't know what I have done to deserve this! I'm tall with an amazing figure, and I always make sure to look stunning for him (and tznius). Am I not good enough for him?? I once asked him, 'If I walked around one holiday with you in a very immodest way, would you only look at me!?' He replied, 'I would be looking at you and all the other women around.' I asked him to explain himself, and he said men always want new things!"

I suggest reading some of these articles:

• I love my wife – But I’m not “IN LOVE” with her!
• https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/tips-suggestions/item/its-never-enough
• https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/rabbi-twerski/item/shekker-hachein?category_id=295
• https://guardyoureyes.com/12-step/item/misinterpretation?start=1
• http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ41.asp
• http://www.guardyoureyes.org/?p=1733
• https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/questions-and-answers/item/not-happy-with-my-wife-s-appearance?category_id=283
• https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/questions-and-answers/item/the-difference-between-lust-love?category_id=283
• https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/tips-suggestions/item/einav-hita-aso-what-is-the-ikkar-of-marriage

Hatzlacha

Grant400 wrote on 28 Apr 2021 16:44:

Is there an easy way to do this?

Grant400 wrote on 28 Apr 2021 14:16:

Status is like 30 seconds no? so for a 5 min video we would have to cut into 6 pieces?

Wouldn't it be great to have a Whatsapp group where you could reach out for help 24 hours a day, or post chizuk - just like on the GYE forums and chat rooms?

We just launched a GYE Whatsapp group where you can:

• Connect with others and get out of isolation,
• Have some accountability with your fellow members
• Reach out for help in a "weak moment" and get instant chizuk
• Share inspiring memes, short video clips and articles.
• Give chizuk to others

We hope to have be"h a few moderators as well, who can help with chizuk and support.

DISLAIMER: Whatsapp is less anonymous than the GYE forum and chat-rooms. People can see your phone number, and often your name and picture can come up as well. To help protect everyone, we will only allow verified GYE members to join.

If you're ready to take your recovery up a notch and join, send an email to gyewhatsapp@gmail.com with the word "Join" in the subject with your phone number (with the country code) and your GYE username in the body of the email.

See here for terms and conditions.

This latest chapter is amazing! It expresses so well the pain of the wife, and at the same time the Rav's advice is PRICELESS, both to her - and to Moe.

I'm really looking forward to making an eBook out of this story when it's done, which I believe can help a lot of people one day!

Thank you Grant!

Fear doesn't generally help for addicts, but for people with normal struggles it can definitely be helpful (hence, the Tochacha).

Mo613 wrote on 11 Apr 2021 21:27:

Maybe try this tool. For some people it works wonders!

YG, why'd you dig this up? (just curious)

I think the oilam is more interested in the story of Moe :-)