There are a few things you need to know as you start out on your journey to recovery, sobriety and new found freedom in your life.

The first thing you need to know is that the phenomenon you are dealing with is not necessarily because you were born with larger desires than other people and can't seem to be able to deal with them. Rather, you are dealing with a strong "addiction" which was built up over the years. Yes, it may be true that G-d led you into this because of sins from previous gilgulim and because you had a great tikkun to make. But don't look at it as if you have stronger desires than others, but rather that you were led by G-d into a strong addiction. It is important to understand this because once it is recognized as an addiction; it can be dealt with in many tried and proven ways and methods.

There are two prerequisites to being helped.
1) You must truly believe you can be helped (reading the recovery stories on our site can help you with this)
2) You must truly want to be helped.
The fact that you have taken the first steps means you already have mainly these two conditions - but they must be strong and finely tuned.
Take heart. Haba Le'taher, Mesayin Lo.
Be ready to give your addiction and disease over to the care of G-d. Be ready to trust G-d that he will care for you, as you heal.

Know, that the first few weeks are the hardest. Once you have put some distance between yourself and the addiction, it gets a lot easier.

And, like mentioned above, it would be very helpful for you to join the weekly hotline for 1) group support, 2) therapy by professionals and 3) accountability.

Thank you for this awesome post. Your story is the story of SO many people. You have made great progress, but are you free now? Where are you today in this vitally important journey? Tell us please so we can suggest to you what the next step might me...

Once you have made this extremely important decision to give your wife the code, you really should have a stronger filter than one that can be opened with a code. That would also solve your problem of finding loopholes the whole time. Often, the yetzer hara will tell you that you are looking for loopholes to block them, when in reality he just wants you to see bad stuff again... We suggest for people in this situation to get a white-list filter, not a black-list type. And it should be server based, not just client based. And on top of all that, only your wife should have the password (to be able to make changes at the server level - by phone). To understand the terms better (blacklist, server based etc...), see here. To learn more about what is available for the Jewish community today - see here. If you MUST have black-list filters because you need open internet for your work, at least install accountability software. When you know that someone you respect will see every site you visited, it will help you control the urge to stray.

We commend you on your progress on sharing your story so honestly. However, never trust yourself. Here are some more steps that will help you achieve full sobriety:

1) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail list on our site. Like drops of water on Rabbi Akiva's rock, over time, the e-mails can make a serious impression.

2) Read one or two of the tips on the website every day and try to implement them if possible. (Don't read too many at once; bite too much and you won't be able to swallow anything).

3) Join the weekly hotline on www.guardureyes.com. Group support is very important, and this hotline is the first time that religious people can get the benefit of group support and trained therapists in an anonymous way! The counselors on the phone are trained, (religious) and they "get it". And you can probably also find a "sponsor" in the group for accountability and help when you're feeling weak.

May G-d be with you, and never stop praying!

Dear Mevakesh Hashem,

Your story is a true inspiration to all of us. It is precisely for such stories that we started this whole forum. For your story alone, it would be worth it!

Please share with us more details of your recovery and what truly brought you to decide to change, and what worked for you in breaking free. This way you will be able to help many people and be mekadesh hashem's name.

I posted your story on the "Stories" section of www.guardureyes.com.

You are doing a great Tikkun. Sometimes Hashem waits for years, patiently, hoping a person will do Teshuvah. For in the end, when he does a true Teshuvah, he is able to uplift his whole past and bring G-dliness to the world!

Dear Crakerjak,

We are with you in this struggle. The first few weeks are the hardest. See here. Once you have put some distance between yourself and the addiction, it gets a lot easier. Read the tips on our site - one or two a day, join the chizuk list, join the anonymous telephone hot-line. Don't just assume you'll be able to overcome it all on your own. It is not easy, and group support is very important.

May G-d give you strength!

The fact that you were able to stay clean for over 100 days and put such a distance between yourself and the addiction, this is very powerful. With this knowlege, you will never be able to go back to your old self again. Also the fact that you didn't go all the way even when you fell, shows you have great inner strength!

Don't let the fall of the past week get you down. You haven't slid back to first base, you are still just where you were before. Only you have to get up, brush yourself off and continue the journey. Sometimes heaven makes a person fall so that they should get back up and become even stronger than before.
 
I don't know if pre-cum is as serious as real semen. I don't think it contains actual sperm cells but I am not an Halachic authority. In any event, this is besides the point. It is the 'porn watching' which is the root of the problem, and it is those types of behaviors that are truly addictive and dangerous to your soul. Also, bringing oneself to an erection intentionally is seen as very serious in the eyes of our Sages.

But it does not matter anymore. The you of yesterday is not the you of today. What was, was. Jewish philosophy and Chassidus teach that a Jew has to look at the past and future as out of their hands. Whatever was already, G-d wanted to happen. Only the present is in our hands. For more explanation on this seemingly strange concept, see here.

To make sure you don't fall again, try to learn to guard your eyes everywhere you go. Not just on-line, but even in the street. Shmiras Ainayim can take years to perfect, so be patient. Every time you turn away from something bad, it is like you are putting a coin in the box. Even if you fail many more times that day, that coin remains. When the box is full you will have perfected your Shmiras ainayim. And I can't tell you what great reward awaits those few, select people on this world today who have overcome this great battle. You will be worthy to behold the Shechina when Moshiach comes and in the next world!

Keep posting your progress on this forum so we can give you encouragement and be encouraged as well

This forum's goal is to provide a platform of recovery for believing Jews who finds themselves struggling with pornography addictions, addictions to masturbation or other sexual problems. Here, one can post anonymously about their struggles with shmiras ainayim, shmiras habris or sexual addictions of any type, without fear of anyone finding out who they are.

Get advice and tips from the experts who will be monitoring this blog, as well as from fellow strugglers who will be able to offer encouragement and ideas about what worked for them.

May Hashem be with us all on our journey to Recovery, Nachas Ruach and Teshuvah!