Dear anon,

You are smart and brave for facing these issues early in life. Waiting until you are married and a father will only exaggerate the problem and cause untold anguish to you and your future family.

About the computer, I can tell you with almost certainly that there is no way you will successfully break free of the addiction to porn without either getting the computer out of your room and / or installing a fool-proof filter, preferably server based and whitelist. For more on filters and understanding the terms, please see our filter section here. A person can't have a prostitute in their closed up room and hope not to sin, even a Tzaddik, all the more so someone who has been addicted to this for a while. If you are serious about change, which you should be now while you are still a Bocher (and before it affects others as well), you must must get a very strong filter and get that computer out of the room if possible.

Again, I commend you for facing down your problems. If only others would be willing to face them while they are still young, our world would be a much happier and better place!

It's 4 AM in Israel, which is where he is...

Niceguy, you need to join our weekly "Jewish Healing Group", even if it means getting up at 4 AM once a week! I live in Israel too and I got up and was on the line last week - and it was just incredible! If you do this, you may even save yourself the need for the --mostly non-religious and even mixed-- SLAA groups, and also save yourself the need to travel to Jerusalem, which is unhealthy for you. It is truly best if you can stay home as much as possible (assuming your computer filter is strong) and avoid going out into crowds of mixed people, especially non-religious. It is very difficult to guard the eyes properly when in "the street" and often one slip needs to others and, like you said, the arrows are shooting through the heart. We all know how it feels. Give your pain over to Hashem as a "Ishe Rayach Nichoach". The word "Ishe" means also woman, and there is no greater "burnt offering" for Hashem than giving up the piercing desires that we feel to him, and crying out in our hearts "Hashem, I WANT TO LOVE YOU - NOT women, not flesh and blood"! And tell Hashem "HASHEM, YOU ARE THE SOURCE OF ALL PLEASURE, ALL BEAUTY, ALL DESIRE, ALL GOOD!!!" Cry this out even if you don't believe yourself. One day you will TRULY start to feel it.

Dear anonofcourse,

Elya K, with his "no-nonsense" approach to healing, is definitely your best bet. You can talk to him anonymously once a week, and he is also the moderator of the Jewish Healing Group. Join the group today and you'll be well on your way to a new you!

May Hashem be with you!

Elya and Mevakesh, I can't tell you how much I value having you guys as moderators on this forum. Mevakesh always has the spiritual / Chassidic point of view, and Elya always has the "healing" and "psychological" point of view, and both of these views are necessary and so important!

Menachem, you are in great hands! Do as they say and you'll be on your way to a new you!

Did you make the Friday meeting NiceGuy?

Nice Guy, contact SLAA and ask them when, where, etc... at this e-mail address: jerusalemslaa@yahoo.com

Thank you for sharing that. It is very nice, I may send it in a chizuk e-mail :-)

You are a brave man! And you can't imagine how much love Hashem is really showing you by bringing this out in the open between you and your wife. It's a bitter pill to swallow, and it's hard for you both, but it is this very pill that will bring about your salvation. You are definitely a candidate for SLA and I commend your courage. Just bite the bullet and make the phone call. (I found an old cell number in my research files for someone religious in Jerusalem who can give you advice about SLA. His name is Shaul and his number is 050 7930130. It's from a few years ago so I don't know if it will still work).

As far as fool proof filtering, here in Israel I would suggest eNativ or Internet Rimon, with the white-list option. See this page for contact info on the Israeli filters, and see this page for our answer to someone that kept finding ways around filters.

If you join the SLA groups, please keep us updated on what you learn there. I am sure many of us could benefit from the tips they teach there and the stories you will hear. One tip in recovery is to keep a log of your progress each week and send it to a sponsor. You could send it to me at eyes.guard@gmail.com

May Hashem be with you!

Dear Niceguy,

I indeed sent you to the feature story because I noticed a few parallels

When did your wife get upset and put you on a white list? Was it recently? Sometimes, these type of things are precisely the incentives we need to make serious changes in our lives. It is a Bracha, and putting you on a white-list was a very important step for your recovery.

You are definitely a candidate for group therapy. The forum is one type of group therapy, but I would suggest possibly joining SLA as well. If you have a problem with that, you may have to get up in middle of the night and join the "Jewish Healing Group" on the phone, 9 PM, U.S hours, every Tuesday I think. Contact yidvre@gmail.com for more info, and see this page. I also think you may be a candidate for psychotherapy, and I sent you some contact info yesterday.

I don't think you are a candidate yet for the shots unless you are not seeing progress in any of the other ways and feel that you may end up doing something that may harm someone else or land you in jail. The problem with the shots is that you don't end up working on yourself and leave the bad stuff there, only closed up. As soon as you're off the shots, the bad stuff comes back. Also, it will reduce intimacy and sex with your wife to zero (although after a half a year or so they can try to reach a "balance" to allow you to still be with your wife).

Before considering the shots, I would try group therapy, psychotherapy, and even possibly SSRI medication, as you saw in the story, especially if anxiety brings about the addictive behaviours. And if you take your recovery seriously, I would go through our "tips" section carefully, trying to implement the tips, slowly but surely, until you are healed. And for chizuk, browse through the hundreds of previous chizuk e-mails we sent out, starting from the first page here.

You have read stories similar to yours, people who have been there and gotten out. You have learned that it's an addiction and that there are clear-cut ways to deal with it. You are a frum Jew, a holy Jew. The time of excuses is over. We are all here for you, to help you and give you support. It's time to make the jump.