Hi friends, its been some time. im in yeshiva and seldom have access to come around here.
bh im on day TOV, and will continue trucking bisyata dishmaya.

gut shabbos!

31

Day 40. bh

horizon wrote on 16 Jun 2024 20:22:

Wow, amazing! I’m right behind you brother!
you’re so fortunate to be taking on this damned beast at your age, and not waiting until mine… 

with my bestest wishes for much hatzlacha in trucking for many years to come!

Muttel

thank you!

i've been watching you a little, but am not here often enough to stay in the loop.
keep it up, and let's continue doing this together!!

Keep it up. 

Keep it up tzaddik. The horizon is glowing with a rising majestic powerful warming sun.....

A gutin erev shabbos tayere yiddin.

Today is day 45. half way to 90. big stuff are coming!

Boruch hashem!!

horizon wrote on 21 Jun 2024 18:07:

Great news!

you should go mechayil El choyil!

right behind you bro !

Muttel

day 52. boruch hashem!!

good things are coming on the horizon

horizon wrote on 28 Jun 2024 21:00:

אם יהיה לבן חיל….

קאמט!!!!!!

חיים

Dearest chevra,

this week i made it into the high 50's. it was a huge accomplishment for me. more then the number of days - the longest streak i did since joining gye about two years ago - what those days reflected was tremendous growth. a little after pesach i decided w true commitment, that the time has come, i'm done w this nonsense. i'm sick and tired of the ups and downs, doing a week or two and then falling out for a couple days just to repeat the cycle. i called a few chevra to make it official, got some chizuk and ideas and was off to a new start. BH i am truly grateful that the results showed.

this all came to an end two days ago. unfortunately, the other day i slipped. i was dealing w a lot, including a very upsetting setback, and ultimately succumbed to look at r'iyos assurim. i wish i was stronger. i also wish i wouldn't have access. oy. this is very upsetting. besides for the feeling that i became weaker, it is also very annoying. as i have quite some to do in the next couple days, and this just gave me such an ichy loser feeling. it sucks.
my response to that is, that although i may have gotten weaker through falling, i will resolve to find new strength to be misgaber these next couple days. i am recommitting to keep gidrei yichud w an unsafe device till after next shabbos. regarding the negative feelings, i will own up to my actions and suffer the consequence. i did something that made me feel stupid, and i will now continue life undeterred.

an interesting reflection: i'ts crazy how just the other day i came across a non tznius billboard and thought it was disgusting. that society advertises that we are all hopeless when we're shown some fleshy curves. i was nauseated by certain acts people do. but that all faded out so quickly. the second i looked up a couple things on the internet it was over.

BH i didn't go too far off the deep end, please hashem help me have a safe landing, give me the koicos to be STRONG, and to land safely on the other side of this speed bump.

gut shabbos to all,
there is light on the
horizon

Correct me if im wrong but it sounds like the way your looking at it is that your no longer "clean".
I would like to point out that it's not that you ate no longer clean its just that you no longer have a streak and now you have to restart the streak.
Yes having 50+ days in a row is stronger and healthier than day 1 of a streak, but it's not only about the streak it's about the overall outcome.

Also I'm not saying ODAAT is obsolete, I am just giving a different perspective on the concept of a streak and fall. ODAAT is how you accomplish cleanliness but what is overall cleanliness, what makes you clean?
It's the overall outcome, if you fall after 50+ days that's a great accomplishment, but think out of the 2+ yrs how many of those days were you clean and how many of those days did you slip up? 
I hope you understand what I'm trying to get at. Also Mazel Tov on the new highest streak and may you pass it with flying colors this next go around.

Good Shabbos!!

I see a new day on the horizon,
The sun peeks through give us strength of אייזען
Though we've fallen, and hard, we must see
How this is a fight for eternity.
Our insides slowly developing
To see things the right way and enveloping
Our mind in good thoughts and actions
that bring out the best and קידוש שם שמים

You will succeed just wait and see
The requisite work you'll put in and be free
Though your counter is a bagel
Growth will come and you'll be stable.

Hashem should give you the כח to overcome this disappointing fall, and IMY"H we will yet here of big numbers, with big עלי' בתורה ויראת שמים !

באהבה רבה
Muttel

Alright folks, so much for the big strong man i said i'll be...

last night i fell deeper, darker and longer.

אנא! בכח גדולת ימינך, תתיר צרורה