i wroth this up yesterday but for some reason it didn't post. sitting down to rewrite it now.

hi everyone! my name is horizon i'm a 23 yo yeshiva bochur. i created my account about a year ago, but haven't been active until about a week ago. in the little time i'm here iv'e met some wonderful chevra, and was encouraged to write about myself. i hope it will takeh help me, specifically w meeting and connecting with the chevra. although my 'story' is as cookie cutter typical as they get, i'm still sharing. partially to unload, but mainly to make connections with others. so if you came for chidushim, i'm sorry to let you down . here we go...

i grew up in a typical frum yeshivish home. my father is a respected rebbi, and my mother teaches in the local school. although my parents are good people, i never connected w them or felt understood. emotions were also pretty much nonexistent in our home. my father is very reserved and cold, and my mother was always a hard woker, and expected the same from us. (recently my siblings and i started discussing how this affected us. bh i have a pretty nice relationship w my siblings)

from quite a young age (probably like 10) i had a sexual rush. but i'd rather not elaborate on that. when i was 13 years old i went off to an out of town yeshiva ketana. although it was a nice yeshiva, and the chevra were nice, i had a hard time fitting in cuz i was a year younger then the class. i kinda felt like i don't belong and also had to prove myself. i was also embarrassed to share my age with orhers. it was a tough matzav.
during the first year in yeshiva i started to become a very 'erinste bochur'. taking davening seriously, waking up early to learn, i would get upset when guys were sitting around and chilling or talking loshon hara... you get the pic. it was kind of a distraction from social life which i wasn't very good at.

the next year i went the other direction. i started sleeping in, chavering zich with the more chilled guys in yeshiva, and being in beis medrash less. 
one day i came across a store not far from yeshiva that sold (drumroll please) adult magazines. i took one. (i don't want to say stole). i was utterly shocked by what i saw. i was a naive sheltered boy, who didn't dream there was such a thing as women exposing themselves. i didn't either know about sex. that magazine really changed me (one of my rebbeim at the time pointed out that he sees i changed). it was at that point that a started to m* (i hate the word, so a * will have to suffice). over the next two years i only took another two or three magazines, and occasionally when i'd be home i'd watch porn.

when i was 17 i went to eretz yisroel for the summer. seeing the attitude they have in israel towards the internet had a big effect on me, and it caused me to make strong gedarim for myself. i was clean from porn and m* for 3 years (!)
after that the YH creapt in in the most ingenious of ways. i decided to be a ka'nu'ee and check to make sure our family's computer was kosher. it was not. ... .... ...

about a year ago i came across gye, and was convinced it was the end of my struggles. i now had a place to keep myself in track by using the success tracker and i'll live happily ever after. i was clean for 8 days.
i recently gave up my access to porn, and now have a phone that is really restricted (no really). bh it was a HUGE gamechanger. iv'e wanted to do it for the longest time but it was very hard. and that first night without it was very, hard. but surprisingly in the days since i was very much ok and didn't feel like i'm missing much. (although i'll admit that it gets annoying sometimes heving restricted access).

i'm gonna try for the future to be more involved in this community, and hopefully i'll meet some nice chevra:) 
wishing everyone continued hatzlacha in everything,
horizon

Welcome to GYE!
Amazing story!
You sound like a real strong person and it's visible from your writing that you'll get places with Hashem's help!
Please keep on posting about your great progress. Klal Yisroel (and GYE) needs more people like you. 
Looking forward to sharing in your amazing journey! 

WOW

What a story.
You are a real hero, you stopped for 3 years and you start when you are young and single.

im impressed  

Hi! Welcome to the family! Here we are brothers, we care about you and we want to hear from you, so please share with us, post whatever is on your mind. There are a lot of wonderful things to learn, and good people to get to know. You sound like an amazing person and I'm so excited you joined here. Keep posting, and keep trucking!

Welcome! Stick around! 

Looking forward to seeing more of your posts.

Hatzlacha! 

Welcome!

Great first (second?) Post!
Courages move to get a restricted phone. 
I hope to see more positive posts like this!

Keep it up chabibi

Welcome and thank you for sharing. We are all here for you and rooting for your continued Hatzlacha. Putting in the proper Gedarim by filtering your phone is always the first step. Connecting and reaching out to others here is the next step. Hope to hear from you and I wish you all the best.

thanks a bunch to everyone who took the time to read my post, double thanks to those who responded so warmly.
a special shoutout to everyone who reached out to me directly, i really look forward to connecting w you all.
it's comforting to see how welcoming this community is, and the chizuk means a lot as well.

hatzlacha!

hi chevra, checking in after a very nice yom tov bh. some of my siblings came over w their family's and we got to spend some nice time together. hope you all enjoyed yom tov as well.
bh i'm making nice progress in this fight, i'm currently at 17 days clean!!
although for me that's tremendous, i'm not getting excited cuz i know from experience that i can't let my guard down, and also cuz yom tov was kinda easy l'maase. didn't take much work if any.

i'm davening for a continued zman chairusainu, for myself and all of you around here, hatzlacha!

hi friends i feel at risk. worried about tonight. anyone wanna make a deal?
please pm if interested

Yes

i dont have pm 

thanks!
check on your profile there should be a tab on the top right for private messages (pm). 
or if you'd like, you can email me at horizonstein@gmail.com (just created that email)
btw, i sent you a letter in pm, i guess you never got it...

Thanks for sharing. Really vulnerable for a first time post.