The Library

Someone asks on the forum: I've often thought about the aveiros I've done, and I've never really properly turned round to HKB"H and said sorry properly because it sounds so meaningless due to the number of times I've fallen and said sorry, only to fall again. But this ti...

Someone asks Dov: Asking Hashem to save me and remove my lust has not seemed to work; I still masturbate once a week. Why is it not working? Maybe Hashem just wants us to fight this ourselves? Dov Replies: Far be it for me to say, "your missing ingredient is this, or that...

Lust usually feels great... and horrifyingly 'emptying'. It is very powerful, especially because it creates bodily sensations, and that kind of thing is incontrovertible. The body is convinced that it is truly good and that we need it. And you cannot argue with a body... ...

Aharon emailed us: Hi Guard, From my experience, it's clear that long term recovery can only be achieved by "living right" one day at a time. "Living right" can mean different things to different people, but a relationship with Hashem is a core component by any definiti...

"Aaron4" wrote: I think the expression "stopping cold turkey" is misleading.What does it mean?Not acting out?But what if you fantasize each time you see a trigger, yet still manage not to act out? Are you really sober? I don't know... So where is the line that defines sob...

"NoWhereToTurn" writes: Sholom Aleichem warriors, I am a regular 15 yr old yeshiva bochur in a top yeshiva in Monsey, but I have internet at home. Besides for my own problems with watching my eyes and controlling my hotzoas zera that has been with me for years, I noticed...

A member wrote on the forum: I fell twice again today, I really can see that I can't afford to take that 1st lust hit, because once I open it up, I'm powerless, I have to put the break on before that point. But what if my partner is unavailable? I haven't quite got the k...

Someone asked: I don't really know where to start, I'm pretty much crying over here... I am 19 years old studying in a Baal Teshuvah Yeshiva, I bet this sounds weird - a kid in yeshiva coming to you with this issue, but I am so lost in life, I don't know what to do. I am ...

"We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves" Someone posted on the forum: Usually I am a very calm person. Now I feel like a woman. I am very aware of my moods and I feel that I have very bad days and very euphoric days. I also feel very angry a lot ...

"FightingYid" writes on our forum for the first time: My struggles with lust have plagued me since my 15th birthday. Since then, it's "all day every day". Now I'm never of fan of asking questions on Hashem, but I truly don't understand why he did this to me. I was given a...

Someone who has been in SA groups in the past yet is still experiencing frequent falls, posted some of his story and ends with the following: How can I think this way after so many years of pain and humiliation? It seems that anyone else who has experienced the pain that...

Your note reminds me of a lot of stuff my wife and I have been through. I will try to share everything I have about this, be"H, with you. Please read it over and please bear with me. Forgive me if I say anything that sounds judgmental or critical of you , as I mean n...

Someone asked Dov: If our addiction is a result of a void we feel, then theoretically, someone who has filled the void should not at all be affected by triggers, right? So why is this a daily struggle still, even for those in recovery? Why does it seem that even you, Dov,...

Someone asks Dov: Everyone keeps mentioning how they "work" the steps everyday. Can I have specific instructions on how that is done every day? I know the steps and try to work em, but clearly I don't get it... Dov Replies: Working the steps is exactly what it sounds li...

Someone wrote: Although I am clean just three weeks, I feel like this whole tumah thing is a million miles away. Like it was just a bad dream. I try to imagine it and I think to myself, "what, I did such things?". So I guess I am ripe for the Yetzer Hara to catch me off g...

ZD writes: My life as a lust addict: I spent three hours on my computer typing every obscenity in just "to see" if I can bypass the filter. I actually was able to bypass it in the end and access porn. It was as if I needed to know that I could access it. At that point I j...

Someone asked Dov: Dov, they say you've been clean in SA for 13 years. Does that mean that you did not make even ONE mistake? Dov Replies: No, it does not mean that. I use the sobriety definition of SA as explained to me by my sponsor and others. My sobriety date only mea...

Someone asks Dov: I had a question. What do you think about tefillah? Where does asking Hashem to cure us come in to the process of recovery? I assume you would still say that we should do/need the 12 steps... But why isn't Torah and tefilla and remorse good enough? Dov...