I've often thought about the aveiros I've done, and I've never really properly turned round to HKB"H and said sorry properly because it sounds so meaningless due to the number of times I've fallen and said sorry, only to fall again. But this time, after joining this forum, I really want to turn around to Hashem and make a proper apology. But how? When it comes to it, I'm at loss for words and always just say, "I'm really sorry Hashem and I'll try not to do it again". But how can I show Hashem that this time I really mean it and that I really want to change?
From my experience on GYE, it seems that the best way to ask for forgiveness is to simply show that you're still fighting! Maybe you don't take a second look at the attractive woman walking by or perhaps you take a different route to work so you don't have to see an immodest billboard or advertisement. If you can convert your desire to please Hashem into positive thoughts and actions (and even helping others), I think that's the best that you can do.
And another thing is to just keep at it. Honestly, eventually things are bound to take an upturn, and as long as you never give up, that's yet another sign to Hashem that you're sorry for what's in your past and you truly want to make a change. Remember, the sign of a true warrior is not one who never loses a fight. A true warrior is one who can pick himself up and dust himself off and be ready to keep battling!
Forget the apology for right now, just stay clean!!
Yes, we all want to do Teshuvah.
But here on GYE you will learn how to live life.
You will grow. You will be happy and at peace.
So if you will ask me, 'Bards, what's so bad about a little regret - and a huge "I'm sorry"??'
I will answer you, my dearest chaver.
You are in a cesspool. You got your Yom Tov suit dirty.
Does Mommy need an "I'm sorry" now, or does mommy needs you out of the cesspool??
I heard a story from the Tzaddik, Reb Nosson Vachtfoigel, the Lakewood Mashgiach ZT"L...
A bachur did a sin.
He asked the Mashgiach for a kapparah.
The Mashgiach said, "Come back in a few weeks".
Some weeks passed...
He came back.
The mashgiach said, "Come at the end of the z'man".
"Come next z'man"...
"Come at the end of next z'man"...
The bachur was getting antsy...
He came Elul...
Selichos...
Rosh Hashanah...
Finally the Mashgiach said, "Come to me on Yom Kippur".
On Yom Kippur the bachur said, "Rebbe, what should I do??"
The Mashgiach replied, "Gribble nisht" (don't delve into it)...
Move on!!
Often times the Yetzer Hara wants us to be busy with the kapparah as a way to keep us HOLDING ON to the sin.
Just Keep On Trucking!!