The Library

Someone asks Dov: I am trying to understand the psychological factors in sexual acting out. I am, as far as I am aware, a popular, respected and emotionally balanced person. I grew up in an emotionally stable home and environment, and I cannot recall anything specific ...

The first 3 Steps of the 12-Steps state: 1. We admitted we were powerless over lust--that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to ...

Someone asks Dov: The second step says: "We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity". Isn't that obvious for a frum Yid? Dov Replies: Sorry. It's not so simple. Take lust, for example. Do you believe in lust - or do you believe in Ha...

Someone asks: I know that the first thing that will get me out of this is wanting to. And I just don't want to badly enough. I'm so furious at myself. Why don't I want to recover?? What's wrong with me? Dov Responds: Boruch Hashem I am sober today, a fact that is more i...

Someone on the forum asks: Dear Dov, you often say, "You are thinking way too much, stop it". First of all, I think this is a very dangerous statement, in and of itself. Second, generally our emotions are controlled by our thinking, if we like it or not, so you may as wel...

How can I go to these SA groups when most of the guys there are thinking of their higher power as Yushka? Let's say there were people who believed god was a 12 foot purple bunny that can do magic, turn cool aid into whiskey and walk on water, would that work as their "Hig...

"SouthafricanJEW" (a Bochur) writes to Dov: I can't stop masturbating completely, so I'm using a gradual approach. For now I chose "no masturbation days" so I can start cutting down. I feel a deep desire and longing for the day when I am strong enough for every day to be ...

We received an e-mail from a Bochur: I am dating seriously, and I know that this has been talked about on the forum and Dr. Twerski thinks you should share your addiction with your prospective marriage partner, but I am wondering, if I seem to be stable when I stay on top...

Someone asks on the Forum: To lust is something very normal, we just over do it. So why are we carbon copying AA and saying "don't lust"? In the SA book, it even mentions complete abstinence. Why? We aren't allergic to lust in a physical way. We just have to learn not to ...

Someone posted: BS'D I haven't posted much over the past months. After I made that one time fall after 21 days on the 90 day chart, I felt like a nobody. I kept falling and things got progressively worse over time R"L. Then I started reading the AA-book and now I really...

Someone asks: My only issues are masturbation and pornography. I never acted out live. Should I join an SA group? Dov Responds: "The only requirement for membership is a sincere desire to stop lusting" - White Book, page something-or-other (amud beis) The question I'd ask...

"I am 22 years old and have struggled with being shomer habris ever since I can remember. I am going to be living at home for the summer where there is unfiltered internet access. I already am slipping more. I do not feel comfortable asking my parents to install a filter....

Someone wrote: Bh I'm still clean, but I don't feel clean. I have practically not been nichshal in two weeks, even in shmiras haynayim. Of the hundreds of opportunities to look and see things in the street, I only sneaked a peak five times in two weeks. Amazing, but I sti...

"Struggling&StrivingBT" writes: So, like all, becoming a Bal Teshuvah has by no means been easy, and I'm by no means there yet. One of the hardest parts has been in the area of "self gratification". While intellectually, I understand what is so bad about wasting seed,...