The Library

"StrugglingGuy" asked on the forum: I'm a little unclear. When we say "staying clean" from mast**** on this website, do we mean causing an erect***, or just not ejac**** -? Dov Responds: Dear StrugglingGuy, You are hitting on something wide-ranging that many folks get al...

Someone asked on the forum: This whole looking at porn and acting out is such a big part of my past. It will haunt me forever. I can never be truly rid of it because it is there. How do I face this? And if we can actually heal from this then we aren't addicts, no? Dov Re...

Someone writes on the forum: My name is Yechiel and I just can't believe it has come to this. I pashut can not believe that I have not been able to break this addiction. I quit smoking, I quit poor eating habits, I am extremely successful in everything that I have done or...

Why is it so hard to turn away? Why is there so much pain? How come I can be such a good Yid and daven and learn, yet the moment I see a pretty woman my heart cries in pain and I want to run after lust? Why am I so messed up inside? What am I - a good person or a total pe...

Someone writes on the forum: It has been almost 7 weeks now, & I just don't have any more strength, desire or interest to stay clean. I just want to give it all up. Can you please stop me? Please reply only if you have something wise to say. Dov replies: Are you a...

Someone asked on the forum: Is there a scientific link between acting-out and Shalom Bayis? DovInIsrael responds: I don't know about scientific, but I have found that Rabbi Arush's book, The Garden of Peace, is absolutely right when he says that the wife is the spiritual...

Someone wrote on the forum how they had taken a number of steps to try and stay clean, but after just 2 days an unexpected test came up and he fell. He asks: I just can't understand why G-d would add on this test after he sees I'm making the effort and setting up fences? ...

Someone asks Dov: The Whitebook seems to imply that we have no control over ANY of our defects. One of the main points of our purpose in this world, as I see it, is to struggle through life working on our defects. Are they saying that this is not the case? Dov Responds: ...

Question: Hi, I'm suffering from an addiction to porn and I'm searching for articles I can show my wife about what it means for men to be addicted to porn, i.e. that would help her understand my situation. Answer: We have a special forum on our network for wives of addi...

Q. I've tried quitting porn and masturbation before, but a funny thing happened - I got irritable and snappy toward my partner and surroundings. I then relapsed back into viewing porn and masturbation, because I didn't think becoming a nervous wreck was worth it. A. ...

Q. "I wanted to ask you what you thought about the fanatical separation of men and women in Arab countries. Is this the ideal for Jews as well in terms of separation of the sexes?" A. The approach in Judaism is not one of extreme separation from the temptations of this ...

A question we received: When I was young I watched lots of bad things. Later, I became frum and got over the whole thing and married a very nice frum girl and we have a great marriage. But a couple of years after I was married it started to bother me that she was flat-che...

An excerpt sent to us from a website on breaking porn addiction Answer: Most people who are addicted to pornography claim they are more sexual than the average person thereby rationalizing their need to rely upon porn. In most cases their sexual batteries are charged up b...

Someone asks Dov: Just a half hour ago, I was in the store, buying challahs for shabbos, and the married woman behind the counter was making my life very difficult! I hope I wasn't too rude, I just basically avoided eye contact. Is that the appropriate eventual end result...

I've read the first step and admitted powerlessness. But I am finding that this is dangerous for me. Once I start falling I just give up and say, "well anyway I'm powerless"! GYE Replies: This is a common misunderstanding in what the word "powerlessness" means. Powerless...

Someone wrote in to the GYE Helpline (gye.help@gmail.com). Hi, I read your article in the Jewish-Press about addiction and the fact that it's destructive. I'm a 21 year old yeshiva bochur and I don't know if you can call me addicted but I watch porn sometimes. I know it'...

Question: I have tried many times and I don't believe it is possible for me to fully stop masturbation until I am married. My therapist agrees, and he also said that I should not feel religious guilt about it, as this just makes it worse. Response: Dear Jew, As far as gu...

Someone wrote to Dov: Often when I ignore an opportunity to act-out the image keeps popping back, coupled with resentment that I didn't act on the opportunity. It's as if I'm only postponing it in my subconscious. How do I surrender it totally, 100% with every fiber of my...