The Library

Hi Reb Guard, My therapist mentioned to me that repression will lead to self hate and loathing. I was just interested to know your response.   It seems to me that your therapist is obviously not trained in addiction. As any addiction therapist knows, an alcoholic is aller...

Dear Reb Guard, Is there any connection between working on ones self in regard to lust and one's feelings/belief in Hashem? There is something that is probably the most basic fundamental of yiddishkeit that I have never truly felt or believed until these last few days. It...

One guy wrote about his fall: I had a great few days, but I was feeling weak today. I just convinced myself that I needed one quick peek and then I lost control. I need to install K9 on my computer. No more half measures. How can I get someone else to hold the password fo...

Question by "Not-Alone" Before I started on my road to recovery, I was pretty numb to reality. Words and actions spoken and performed by others and myself mattered little to me, since any bruises from the bumps in life could be numbed by an unhealthy painkiller. Now that ...

Someone emailed us: While leaving my house late Saturday night, my father asked me to log him off from his Facebook (as he had just started an account and he is not exactly a computer whiz). Something dawned on me. Why does he want me to log him off? I pretended to log of...

Married 20+ years. Was never attracted to my wife from literally day one. I married her because she was easy to talk to, intelligent and kind-hearted. I was also a BT, and frankly felt pressured to get married. I'm still shocked that it was all over and done in eight date...

"YishuvHadaas" asks I've seen various mentions on GYE about the difference between lust and love. One person mentioned that lust is Hashem's tool for encouraging marriage, but after marriage, lust should be relegated to the side and be replaced by true love. After 2 1/2 d...

I know you are not a Rav, but I have a question: What do you think of one who stops being shomer negiya in order to eventually get married? If he doesn't engage in anything that is not permitted, is this an acceptable compromise for a chozer betshuva? I simply don't think...

Why do the 12-Step groups call the addiction an "allergy" or "disease". Won't that absolve people of responsibility for their acting out? The idea of this being an "illness" has nothing to do with absolving ourselves from responsibility at all. And to prove this, let me b...

I was continually molested as a child, and to cut a long story short, I have been seeing a renowned therapist for the past year who has helped me tremendously. My therapist said I need to use a therapy called "masturbatory reconditioning". He said that this technique has ...

"B'ahava" asks on the forum: I am struggling with depression and I can't pinpoint what's causing these feelings. From an objective perspective, my life is just fine. In fact, better than ever. I'm 70 days clean! That was unimaginable for me for the past 8 years. I feel li...

A Non-Jew, who has been getting the Chizuk e-mails for almost two years, wrote me an e-mail today: Dear Guard, Recently, I have been thinking to myself that God wants us to fulfill our full potential. However, how can we do that if we've been weakened, bloodied and scarre...

I see myself as a not-yet addict but extremely prone to become one (I have all the causative factors that everyone writes about). And I have already began a downward trend, "acting out" twice recently for the first time in my life. How does one prevent a potential addict ...

Question: I can't believe I keep falling for the Y"H's tricks. A couple of days ago my wife insisted we see a movie. No nudity, but of course it had an attractive actress. Of course I couldn't get her out of my head. And that was a slippery slope downwards for me. Yes, my...

Why is it so hard to turn away? Why is there so much pain? How come I can be such a good Yid and daven and learn, yet the moment I see a pretty woman my heart cries in pain and I want to run after lust? Why am I so messed up inside? What am I - a good person or a total pe...

Someone wrote on the forum how they had taken a number of steps to try and stay clean, but after just 2 days an unexpected test came up and he fell. He asks: I just can't understand why G-d would add on this test after he sees I'm making the effort and setting up fences? ...

Question: Hi, I'm suffering from an addiction to porn and I'm searching for articles I can show my wife about what it means for men to be addicted to porn, i.e. that would help her understand my situation. Answer: We have a special forum on our network for wives of addi...

Q. "I wanted to ask you what you thought about the fanatical separation of men and women in Arab countries. Is this the ideal for Jews as well in terms of separation of the sexes?" A. The approach in Judaism is not one of extreme separation from the temptations of this ...