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Re: Testimonials for TBOTG 19 May 2025 19:04 #436055

  • yosephhatzaddik
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Lets start with my (short) backstory. Since I was 6 years of age I already started to have thoughts that are better left unsaid. I grew up in a home where my father did/does have a tempter/a very short fuse who'd get triggered by my naive innocent remarks/questions as a child and he'd be angry at random so I was usually in fight or flight mode my whole life. My home was hell now that I think about it although no one was being physically beat up the need to always be on edge was very hard on a child always scared. My mom was passive "submissive" to my father who didn't defend me from my dad's verbal abuse/public humiliation although he apologized he constantly did it again and again I remember yelling into my pillow as a child after feeling completely broken as a human after once again another episode of public humiliation at the Shabbos table sometimes with guest around. I had zero to bare minimum emotional intimacy growing up as well and conditional love like being shown disdain from my father if missing shul even though I had no idea what I was praying for or understood what I was saying. Why am I saying this if this is a review for Hillel's amazing sefer? The reason is because most addictions I've learnt (if not all I'm still learning) stem primarily from unresolved (especially childhood) trauma (and isolation/loneliness/lack of purpose from my experience). After learning this p*rn and other unwanted s*xual behaviors are a thing of the past for the most part. Of course that doesn't mean I don't work on shmiras einayim or shmiras habris but the challenge has reduced itself significantly since I've learnt this and started gaining awareness on trauma. At the time before I knew this and was fighting off of willpower mainly Hillel's book was extremely helpful and highly recommend it and will revisit it for sure because the amount of temptation out there is literally everywhere and we should fortify ourselves so as to not fall into the slippery endless cycle of raw desire which is all too easy to do.
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Re: The Awkward Moments Thread 19 May 2025 18:31 #436050

  • balancedfox70
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When you piss someone off on the road and then you find yourself idling side by side with them by a red light.

Ugh! Awkward times!
"Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
Today is a gift,
That's why they call it the present"
#ODAAT!

Here are my threads:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/433015-Just-starting-out

guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/433933-Tired-Wife

Feel free to reach out.
My email address is: balancedfox70@gmail.com
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Re: 90 Day Goal 19 May 2025 18:22 #436049

  • hashemisonmyside
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Today is the day, I b"h reached the 90 day goal. i hope to reach this goal over and over again, hopefully every time it would easier 
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Re: Let’s give it a shot 19 May 2025 17:40 #436047

  • sytv2002
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Day 55 posting… Day 1 clean…

bh no porn

Re: Daily Dose of The Battle of the Generation 19 May 2025 16:04 #436041

  • yitzchokm
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Schedule for this week:
Sunday: Pages 39-40
Monday: Chapter 4: Pages 43-44
Tuesday: Pages 45-47
Wednesday: Chapter 5: Pages 49-50
Thursday: Pages 51-52
Friday/ Shabbos: Catch up if behind.

Re: Want to use Chassidus 19 May 2025 15:20 #436040

  • yesoidshebiyisoid
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Another idea I had is to have a Tanya group.  I believe that Tanya is navigating us through a process that is to be worked on one step at a time. By getting together to discuss one Perek/step at a time and how we can apply it, I think is a practical way to make Tanya a way of life.
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Re: Testimonials for TBOTG 19 May 2025 15:18 #436039

  • david26fr
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This book is a real gem!
It helped me a lot by giving me a global perspective on the problem, and to see the challenges as opportunities to grow and not as proof that I am a bad person.
It also shows us that we are not alone in being affected, not alone in having to fight, and that there is hope.
The many techniques covered in this book are very well explained and very useful for progress.
I recommend it !
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Re: No Despair Allowed 19 May 2025 14:36 #436038

  • kavey
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Hear hear!

Re: I'm Fed Up 19 May 2025 14:34 #436037

  • kavey
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We're all rooting for you. I think the key is to keep iterating and davening.

If it takes time to find the Emmess that works (and baruch Hashem shiv'im panim laTorah), please keep on searching and trying. HKBH's Torah is broad enough for all of us.
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Re: hopeful but cautious 19 May 2025 13:14 #436035

  • daverose
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Thank you @Vehkam for meeting me last night. I dont think ive ever met someone as great as you. Someone that was in such a low place and grew through connecting to hashem to the place you are now. It was amazing to hear your perspective on this battle (ive already used some of your tips). I hope that I can follow in your footsteps and use the past to bring me to greater heights.
Thank you!
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Re: No Despair Allowed 19 May 2025 12:47 #436033

Hello, everyone.

We all have different experiences with our P & M struggle and, of course, we all have a lot in common. Over the last year, it has become so clear to me that my struggle with P & M is a 'symptom' of my actual struggle with Internet use. Time-wasting browsing. One article/video after another after another after another. My growth has to be there. The ongoing maintenance for me to successfully be clean from P & M has to be work on my Internet struggle more than my P & M struggle.

I sit in front of my computer for work and that, of course, opens up the possibility of having a struggle with Internet use on a daily basis. I am reminding myself this morning that I need to stay focused. I need to work and be productive. I need to avoid the trap of the World Wide Web.

Day Count: 12 Days
Cumulative Count: 1645 Days
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Re: Nothing to lose - Update 120 19 May 2025 11:37 #436032

  • notezy
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Maybe a new thread is in order. I haven't been on gye in a while have add some ups and downs phone broke I was on and off in working on it all I am still in touch with hhm via email but not much else I am going to set fourth on a new effort. I'll add I will also be away working in a camp in a few months which B"H will be a clean slate for devices and I intend to use it as such. The day on day off thing fell apart when my phone broke I was using a temp phone for a few months that wasn't filtered the best and I had falls and went back and fourth untill I got the new one now that I can filter better. Anyways but now I am back on YouTube and I think I might try something else we will see I guess I just wanted to get back on here and get back into the community again I think that will help me be more committed also checking out the new home page tools on gye.. 
"Excuses are the tools of incompetence" -My Friends Friend. 

"Change will lead to insight far more often than insight will lead to change" -Milton H. Erickson
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Re: On the way... Again 19 May 2025 03:09 #436021

  • chosemyshem
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hopefulposek wrote on 18 May 2025 23:51:

Meanwhile some of the suggestions he gave I am going to try for a week and see if I can keep up with them:
1) start writing a history (this is not suggested for everyone, it's in order to better understand why I need help and cannot just rely on myself to recover).


Sorry you had a rough day

Writing a history (pen and paper and all) is a fantastic way to get a real handle on what's going on with yourself. 10/10 recommend for anyone (imho).
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Re: Starting for over hundredth time 19 May 2025 02:33 #436018

I hear you person. We are pretty much in the same boat. I hope the mods don’t remove this. I am just being honest. Nice of you to post .
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Re: Chaim's Oigen 19 May 2025 01:01 #436016

  • chaimoigen
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The Churban We Created And The Shadows We Cast 
By: Chaim Oigen
One year before Tisha B’Av, Choosemyshem started a provocative conversation about our own personal Churban. He called it “A Corrupt Conversation Between Body and  Soul. Here’s an excerpt :
chosemyshem wrote on 08 Aug 2024 19:20:


…I truly feel that the posuk of b'chol eis yiheyu Bigadecha Livanim is the scariest posuk in the Torah. And that feeling is maybe the paradigmatic example of the churban beis hamikdash.

Derecheha darchei noam. Chiko mamtakim v'kulo machmadim. Yashkeinu minishekas pihu ki tovim dodecha miyayin.

A life of non-stop avodas hashem should be a delight. Not a pressure, not a payment we begrudgingly shell out to G-d in exchange for another day of life. Not something right-but-painful that we force ourselves to do.

How many of us have tried to go to sleep but somehow stayed up till dawn clicking, clicking, clicking, impossibly drawn after something so fake, so meaningless, and so empty? How many of us have ever meant to go to sleep but somehow stayed up till dawn lost in a sugya??

Torah, mitzvos, our relationship with Hashem. These things of endless depth and beauty should be so much more attractive than the nothingness we fill our lives with.
But we don't feel that. We feel the opposite of how we should feel.

And all we can do about our backwards life is bend down and progress like slugs. [Which is what we are supposed to be doing in our current state and for 353 days of the year we should be delighted about.] But we could've been born with wings.

We could've been born with Abaya and Rava being more fascinating than politics, sports, hock, lashon hara, or women (choose your preferred flavor of narishkeit). Instead of every day being a painful journey of one foot forward, two steps back, we could be purely motivated to become as close to Hashem as possible. Instead of pain we could have had delight.

Ignoring the pain this distance causes Hashem (the highest level of mourning), the physical tzoros that brings (the lowest level), and the lowly state klal yisroel as a whole has descended to. The churban of the individual is so complete and so pervasive that we don't even realize how destroyed we are.

Please do me a favor. Don't say Hashem wanted us down here in the mud. Because while that's true, how can we not cry while we choke on dirt?


Powerful and thought-provoking. Here was my response: 
chaimoigen wrote on 09 Aug 2024 00:03:

Shem, 
great, excruciating point. 

I’ll share my thoughts. 
I don’t know about others. But at the risk of sounding arrogant, I have actually had many times that I stayed up lost in the Sugya. Those were/are the best nights of my life.

Falling asleep in the embrace of Eiruvin or Nidda or Chezkas Habattim, with drool on my desk, these have been the sweetest nights of my existence. 

I’ve had times where the words of Tehillim or Tefilla suddenly open, incandescent and alive. Times when Shabbos or Yom Tov are aglow with an otherworldly sense of Kedusha. Times on Yom Kippur night that were rapturous. 

I don’t think the problem is with G-d’s gift of life.

The problem is with us. We ruin ourselves.

We get lost.
We waste the gift of life, by exchanging the currency of our interest, enthusiasm, pleasure and passions. 

We develop the taste for: Sports, politics, video games, movies, endless scrolling, dumb news, empty literature, foolish and foul music,  lusting over not-so-naked or naked curvy corpse-flesh.

The demon lurking in the shadows at the corner of the study laughs to see us burn the currency of our interest and delight for empty shards of broken pottery. 

We burn out and corrupt, we pollute the pleasure receptors in our living, and then we want to know why our Yiddishkeit is a difficult drag.

It’s much like how we can engage in behavior that eventually trains ourselves to ignore the warm, loving woman waiting in the bed upstairs while we betray her for the ghost of a two dimensional false fantasy image that gives us nothing but empty self loathing back. And then we wonder why our marriages aren’t working, why she doesn’t initiate, why it’s not satisfying….

Laugh, Lilith- how much have you taken from us? What have we paid you? - for what?!?!

Yeah, I cry over the nauseating Churban.
I think it is we who have made it.

Yeah, living in a world of Churban sets the stage for all this. 
We live in a world of Hollywood, Washington, the city street, and the damned phones and tablets and computers and whatever. But the edge and joy of life has been ruined by the false version of life and living  we have adopted. 

See the Ramban on Vichai Bahem. חיי האדם במצות כפי הכינותיו בהן…. מיני חיים הרבה… עי״ש ואכמ״ל

That’s why I choose the Shem of Chaim Oigen. 
Because i am learning to look for and see what life is really all about. 

And it can be beautiful, if we don’t cast shadows all over it.
Please feel free to reach out anytime at chaim.oigen@gmail.com

Perhaps you'd enjoy seeing Chaim's Oigen
Last Edit: 19 May 2025 01:06 by chaimoigen.
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