I got the following e-mail from SiyataDishmaya who is looking for choice 3, i.e. To sponsor someone else, and for someone to sponsor him:

In a nutshell: I recently fell and finally admitted complete and utter powerlessness and have a strong will - buried deep inside, but working on bringing it to the surface.
I fall...get up....fall....get up....I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I want to break the cycle more than anything (well if that were really really true, would I be struggling as much as I am...so I guess I want to get to the point where sobriety from this disease is my top priority)

1) How many days you've been clean (at least 3, but no more than 30):
On Friday I have 3 days clean IY"H.

2) A brief summary of your recent status (successes and failures):
Kind of summed it up in the opening paragraph. Success: Blocked my computer with K-9 (about 4 months ago). That was a big step for me. A friend has the password so I can't get around it. I got Light of Ephraim and started reading it.
I joined Elya's call group a while ago but fell off it. I plan start again very soon as it was a big help. I have a really positive attitude and believe in the power of Hashem and know He is rooting for me.

Failures: I'm so addicted. Such a shmutz ball. I make every rationalization in the world. A million excuses but not one good reason right? Every time I fall I regret it so much. Say tikkun haklali, go to the mikvah...and i'm right back in the grips as soon as I get my hands on a computer. Even as I write this, I'm lusting. I'm super sick and I need GYE, but I know I can do it. I am the furthest away from "meaiesh" that one can be.

3) Whether you have an Internet filter without access to the password:
Yes.

4) Your pledge to post honest reports of your status at least twice weekly on "Wall of Honor" section of the forum:
I pledge to post twice weekly throughout my 90 day journey

5) Your game plan for making it to 90 days without falling (you need one - otherwise, GYE stands to lose out on the $90!):

MY SUCCESS GAMEPLAN
1. Elya's phone group once a week.
2. Read Daily Chizuk every morning on GYE. On Fri morning, take a double portion :-)
3. Share on GYE forum twice a week
4. Read the GYE handbook. Finish it all in 3 weeks and start again.
5. When I reach 90 days, PAY IT FORWARD and get myself someone to sponsor.
6. Journal every night about progress...i do this already.
7. If i miss any of these things I MUST give $25.00 to tzedaka

Please Choose one of the following 4 choices:
Choice 3. I want to sponsor someone and I also want to be sponsored.

Two years ago on Rosh Chodesh Elul "Kedusha" suggested an ingenious plan to help others reach 90 days - while helping GYE at the same time (see chizuk e-mail #561 on this page).

Sponsors: Choose someone from this forum who wants an incentive to make it to 90 days, and commit to donate $90 to GYE if that person makes it to 90 days clean. This will give your sponsee an added incentive to make the effort (because he won't want GYE to lose out on much needed help!)

Sponsees: If you want to have an added incentive to make it to 90 days yourself and take up this challenge, please post the following information on this board:

1) How many days you've been clean (at least 3, but no more than 30),

2) A brief summary of your recent status (successes and failures),

3) Whether you have an Internet filter without access to the password,

4) Your pledge to post honest reports of your status at least twice weekly on "Wall of Honor" section of the forum.

5) Your game plan for making it to 90 days without falling (you need one - otherwise, GYE stands to lose out on the $90!).

Please Choose one of the following 4 choices:
1. I want to be a sponsor (I want to donate $90 for someone else's 90 days)
2. I want to be a sponsee (I want someone to donate $90 to GYE for my 90 days)
3. I want to be both a sponsor (for someone else) and a sponsee (someone else should donate for my 90 days)
4. I want to be my own sponsor (i.e. I commit to donate $90 to GYE if I make it to 90 days)

In the merit of motivating another person, you will surely see siyata di'shmaya in your own struggle as well. And what more beautiful way can there be to enter Elul than to encourage another Jew to purify himself - at the same time as helping GYE continue to inspire hundreds of others!

Le'taher eschem mikol chatoseichem... Lifnei Hashem Ti'Taharu!

Start your 90 day journey TODAY!

You may have been right in mentioning this to her... but... see this piece and you might decide against it next time 

www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Images/galanti.gif

ATESHUVA1 wrote on 22 Aug 2011 07:41:




Rabos Machashavos bilev ish, va'atzas Hashem Hi Sakum!  :D

Hashem gave you this struggle because that is how true greatness can be reached. As the Zohar says, it is only through darkness that the light can shine forth.

You're in the right place!




P.S. You wrote:
I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on this, since we try and help people with prevention issues as well.

Tzadikel Yossele wrote on 22 Aug 2011 17:32:


I think our welcoming post here will give you the basic starting steps for beginning your journey.

And please read our handbook for the full range of GYE's approach, in a clear step by step order.

Hashem is with you!

Please distribute the following flyer, le'zikui harabim. Click here to download it.

If you would like a slightly less "explicit" version (instead of "Caught in the Shmutz?" it says "Caught in the Dark Side?") Click here to download it.

Please help us save lives, marriages and Yiddishkeit - and earn a zechus for your own recovery - midah kineged midah!

Tzadikel Yossele wrote on 19 Aug 2011 00:46:


I once heard Harvey speak. He is one of the founders of SA. And he spoke about what you mention here. It is a mechanism of addiction that makes us remember the good and forget the bad. It's called euphoric recall. The eitza is that we need to try and remember the bad parts as well, and associate the memory with the bad parts. And the bad parts are the real truth, because if it was so good, why did we need it again so soon afterward? When we eat a good steak, we don't feel desire for another good steak for at least a few days! So why do we need it again so fast? Because the bad parts, like the time we wasted, the smells, the money, the damage we caused, that is the REAL truth. Remember the smells of the feet, the smells of the semen, etc... And most of all, remember how BAD and DISGUSTED you felt AFTERWARDS.

[quote]there are people who struggle here about not looking on the street on a frum woman who is dressed top to bottom, and I AM the one who is CLEAN ? so yeah, GUE YOU RUINED MY WORLD for me, i take a look at myself now i see a guy who is living in a tiny little bubble, satisfying himself with self destructive behavior while patting himself on the back by saying, HEY buddy you are doing a great job because at least you are not actually having a relationship with a married woman ! pathetic :-[, i know.  :-X[/quote]

We take pride in ruining people's worlds in such ways  ;D




You mentioned that you were in  therapy and meetings. Why did you stop the meetings, did you think you are "cured"? Unfortunately, the nature of addiction is that the neuron pathways we blazed into our brains may never go away. While we can learn to close the door on them, they are still there. When we start taking the "first drink" and opening the door, the pathways revert back to the same strength as before.

The concept of using porn so "I don't do worse things" is a common mistake that addicts make. Unfortunately, it is the exact opposite. By "feeding it" through porn, we are just making it stronger. The more we feed it, the more we need it - as chaza"l tell us. And using these images and having "sex with self" just makes the monster grow bigger and we can c'v find ourselves back at square one, even with the worst behaviors that we thought we were trying to "stop ourselves from".

To get back on track, see our standard welcoming post here.

I also highly suggest you read our handbook - and get back into meetings!

YMG wrote on 17 Aug 2011 19:02:


Someone once taught me how to view PM's. (I wonder who?  That person used to do it all the time  :o)

And yes, everyone on this forum should know that we periodically scan the PM's being sent on this site. (Just 3 days ago we had to block a girl that had found a way to PM men somehow on the site.)

Dov, your posts are such a breath of fresh air and bring so much clarity to the confusion and befuddled mind of addicts!

Ashreinu that Hashem sent you here.

There's a reason we locked his thread.