dov wrote on 26 Jun 2012 21:44:


Rebbe, we know, we know... this is for lower levels of addiction...

We launched the KBA System (K'nas Based Accountability) about 10 days ago. See www.gye.org.il/kba

We offered it free for GYE members, and we were sure we'd have a big demand very quickly.

Unfortunately, in spite of the fact that we mentioned it in a few chizuk e-mails (to 3,500 people), and in spite of the fact it was spoken about at a kennes in Jerusalem before 500 people (and in the filter guide given out to 1,200 people) so far only 4 people have signed up!!

I am looking for feedback about why people are so reluctant to join. After all, we all want accountability, it's the first free system of it's kind, it's mistake proof, the billing info is stored securely and no one is charged unless we're sure there was a bad report. So why is no one joining??

Can you please share your sentiments with me below?

Thanks!

Dear Bochur,

See our "First Time Here" page for 10 suggestions to help you get started on your journey to recovery.

Every situation Hashem puts a person into can be used as an opportunity for growth. You are fortunate that you are willing to work on your problem at such a young age. The earlier one learns control in this area, the easier it will be to stop. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to stop. Although this is a tremendous nisayon that many people are falling into today, it is very dangerous and it can spiral out of control and do a lot of damage in this world and the next, chas veshalom. These behaviors are very addictive, and an addiction is a disease that only gets worse. If a person doesn't work on this, it can also damage their future marriage chas veshalom. It is causing many people to get divorced today.

Here is something very important for you to know. Chazal say: "There is a small organ in a man, if you feed it - it is hungry, if you starve it - it is satiated". Basically, what that means is the Less you Feed It, the Less you Need It.

Hashem created many things, which all have a purpose. Each creation is made out of different parts, and each part has its particular purpose too. Hashem also created the human being. We also have different body parts with different functions. So too the genital area has also its purpose (to urinate) but it also has a different purpose, which we are told in the Torah comes into function after marriage. The shulchan aruch tells us exactly how it works, and when you get older and especially when you get married you learn exactly how and when to use them in a tsniusdikke and Torah way so we stay holy and pure always. If you start using these parts before marriage you will not know how to use them and you will make mistakes and therefore do things that will harm your body and your neshomo. That is why Hashem told us not to do anything in this area until marriage, and tsnius helps us to achieve this purpose. Unfortunately goyim don’t have the Torah and that is why many of them don’t know how to use these parts of their body and they do it very often in an untsniusdike way. Unfortunately sometimes (frum) Jewish people learn from the goyim. That is one of the main reasons why so many goyim divorce, although there are other reasons as well. It all has to do with knowing about marriage and understanding all parts of your body and how to use them. Once you get married, you will know how to use every part of our body in a tsniusdikke Torah way, exactly like Hashem wants us to. And then you won't have anything to hide, you will always feel tsniusdik and know that you are doing the right thing and have nothing to be ashamed of.

Your parents will understand if you tell them that you once saw some things on the computer that you shouldn't have seen, and now you feel a nisayon and you think it's important they should put on a filter.

See also this page: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ2.asp />
Be brave and show your parents this page: Why I need a Filter

They will be proud of you for telling them what bothers you, and about your tests. Everyone understands what a big test this is today, and your parents will want to help you in any way they can.

See this page also, for chizuk on stopping shichvas zera: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ1.asp />
Download the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" for detailed hadracha on how to break free of this addiction. It has 20 tools in progressive order - as well as 30 attitude and perspective principles. If you want to break free, you will find all the information you need in this handbook. (You can also read it online here).

Be strong, Hashem is with you!

Mazal Tov Elya. You've been an inspiration to us all for many years already.

May Hashem continue to work his miracles through you!

teenstruggle wrote on 20 May 2012 17:12:


www.venishmartem.com

About 20% of the guys on GYE struggle with SSA issues as well. We have a special page for SSA resources over here.

If you are in Israel, here's an important announcement:

Upcoming very soon in Israel for the first time ever is the Journey into Manhood experiential healing workshop. This workshop is advocated as one of the best and most important steps a man can take today towards healing unwanted SSA. The workshop will take place in the South of Israel on a secluded private campsite in the Negev on June 19-21 2012. Check out www.peoplecanchange.com/israel for more details.

Have2changeNOW wrote on 10 May 2012 21:50:


Yes, this is a famous question. So let me explain in short.
Going 90 days without the "drug" is like slamming the door shut on our addiction.
It's still there and it will be there for life, but your brain has had enough time to regain its equilibrium of getting used to not needing these "chemical rushes" to maintain it's balance. That simply means that it becomes easier for you to remain clean. The door is like slammed closed on the old pathways.
HOWEVER, the moment you start OPENING THAT DOOR AGAIN to lust, it's still there - and it rushes back with a vengeance.
So it only helps us keep the door closed, but it doesn't get rid of the addiction.
Am I being clear?

By the way, Kudos on your 100 days clean. That's truly a miracle. Hashem will help you, just never give up!

I don't post very often on the forum these days, but I think this is a special occasion... I'd like to wish our dear friend Gevurah shebiYesod a Big Mazel Tov! We're still in the week of Yesod, and we should all take chizuk from his inspiring story and journey!

I had an SSA expert today in my office, he wants to help GYE and maybe start a phone conference for guys with SSA issues. I showed him our SSA resources page (www.guardyoureyes.com/resources/ssa) and I went to your first post where you tell your story, and we read the whole post together. He was very impressed with your story, and was telling me how he has an approach to help guys with SSA issues that they shouldn't need to white-knuckle it, but that they can actually change the way they think and feel, and diminish the SSA cravings significantly.

When he starts his SSA phone conference (probably once a week) I will announce it for everyone.

Thank you for inspiring us all!

I like the idea. We are about to redesign the 90-day chart, so maybe we'll implement it.

I think it should be seen only by the user, because when a person describes how he fell - or even just what he plans to do to prevent it next time - it might give others ideas...

Great idea. Thanks!

I didn't mean to hurt you and I apologize, however, you must understand that to come onto a forum where hundreds of yidden are trying to stop these destructive and addictive behaviors, and to post advice from an anonymous Rav who is quoting anonymous sources that there's nothing wrong with it, do you really think we will leave that on? This advice may be what you needed to hear, and after reading your story and what you went through, I doubt many others have been through so much. So it is doubtful that the advice meant for you was meant for others. Secondly, Rabbanim generally don't have an understanding in addiction. If you want to know what works for destructive addictions, join a 12-Step group. Quoting Rabbanim will not help us here. 99% of the guys here had spoken or asked advice from Rabbanim before coming to GYE and it didn't get them very far. It takes one to know one. Read the GYE Handbook, listen to those who have been there and gotten out, and please use discretion when posting on this forum.