heres my revised third step prayer:

Hashem, I offer myself to You--to build with me and to do with me as You know best.  Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do your will.  Take away my difficulties so that victory over them will bear witness of Your Power, Your Love, and Your Torah to those I would later help.  May I do Your will always!

...that victory over them will bear witness....

that when people see that i have triumphed over this addiction and other difficulties with your help theyll say "wow so this hashem dude really does exist and he is all powerful"

asseh lema'ancha im lo le'ma-aneinu

Hashem please take away my difficulties, fears anxieties angers resentments etc, so that I can better serve you, help others, and be mekadesh Your name.

will.  Take away my difficulties so that victory over them will bear witness of Your Power, Your Love, and Your Torah to those I would later help and the rest of the world.

Just an observation there is a difference between the two.  Yiddle's version focuses on the individual's actions to be mekadesh shem shomayim.  The 12-Step version (or TNB's variation) focuses on the kiddush shem shomayim that comes from Hashem's salvation.  These are two different concepts.

Hashem please take away my difficulties... and be mekadesh Your name.

so im slowly incorporating hashem into my recovery and into my daily life. today woulda been a perfect day to act out. my wifes calling every half an hour screaming that the kids are battering her to a pulp and that theres too much to do and too little time. emergency after emergency had popped up at work; some of it mighty stressful. most of the time that leads to bad bad things. so what did i do today? well this morning, recognizing that recovery wasnt as prioritized in my mind as it should be and feeling like my vigilance is slipping, i called my recovery partner and pledged my daily sobriety renewal. we went over things that i am grateful for and we discussed what steps i will do today to help my recovery such as turning to hashem for help (i prayed using the revised third step prayer) and literature i will read. i also listened to dov and guard's appearance on chai fm.

so im trying not to feel the high. im trying to ignore that im running a little streak into rosh hashana because i am trying to avoid the drama. the drama: the highs i feel when things are dandy and the lows i feel when things slip away are both enablers of the addiction. the addiction trains us to believe that life requires drama; highs and lows; and then the addiction fills the self-created need for drama with porn; yuk! keep me away.

and the truth is like dov said in the chizzuk email a few days ago, the past and the future are fictitious words we invented to represent stuff that does not exist. there is no such things as the past or the future so one day at a time is not only a mantra but its a way to live life like a realist (Holden). and thats the other thing this addiction hates: reality. the more reality we can bring into our lives the less room there is for the addiction to take hold: i really believe that.

so i wont pat myself on the back (i may break my spine). instead, i ask hashem to please look into his purse and pull out another sober day for me today like he did before. thank you, sir, may i please have another.

I'd like to live before I die.