Good luck. Maybe taking melatonin will help you tend to sleep through the night more often. Do you have a thyroid problem? Do you have any idea why you wake up at 3/4/5 in the first place?
If it is just to masturbate, then I am sad to say that all I can think of is doing something not to masturbate 2-3 times and then your body will probably not wake you up for the cheap prize in the cracker-jack box any more. 

funny i took a ton of melatonin last night and i only read this just now. didnt help much. im afraid it is for the fix that i wake up so often in the middle of the night. the fix and worry/stress.

The Never Believer wrote on 28 Jul 2010 19:08:


Try emailing someone, even if they don't respond right away, it may help. 

Does your mind race alot during the day too, when you get home from work?  I have that alot.  It may be that you need to find ways to calm you mind down prior to going to sleep, excercise, treadmill, reading a novel come to mind, although I can't read a novel when my mind is racing that way.

well i took triple the dosage of melatonin last night hoping to get two nights sleep in a row. instead, i woke up at about 5 am. i struggled a little bit but some of my major files were handled this week so my mind was not as busy with work and i was able to get to shul an ish shalem.

mosheF, yes, my mind races a whole lot all day and when i get home from work i cant seem to shut it down. i probably drink more than i should as a result. i think my suicidal thoughts also come from a desire to shut off my brain which i cant seem to do at all.

between chavrusa and helping out a little with the kinders i dont have much time to unwind. i watch a little baseball; try to get a little of my novel in or run on my elliptical but i cant seem to find the time to do it.

when it comes down to it, i lack serenity. i lack peace. i lack menucha. i think, bottom line, this is what causes me to turn to porn.

last week i had this train of thought that i thought kanesher would enjoy:  its funny, because on motzei shabbos we pray to be able to have shabbos permeate throughout the week.  that is what i am lacking: the shabbos effect on the rest of my week. how can i get shabbos to affect the rest of the week. the 12 steps? perhaps. perhaps i need to ask hashem to allow me some shabbos on tuesdays. hey, wiat a minute, didnt chazal say that learning a mitzvah is like doing a mitzvah? maybe the best way to get shabbos during the week is to learn hilchos shabbos during the week (hey, i wonder if subconsciously i have been learning maseches shabbos for the past 4 years for the same reason). so, yeah, hilchos shabbos will help me stop masturbation. what do you think of that, kanesher?

How about a sefer hilchos shabbos near your bed to study when you wake up in middle of the night?

Step 1: We are powerless over lust and out lives are unmanagable because of it.

Step 2: If I cannot help myself then only a power greater than myself can help me

Step 3: Turn my will and life over to the care of God.

Where a re you on that NB? You sound like you really believe step 1. Even maybe step 2. But step 3 doesnt sound like it so much. Everything is in God's hands. Ou lives are dangling by strings that are directly connected to God. I cannot be worried about things that I cannot control because once I do that, I start thinking I am in control of other things, mainly lust. I am not in control of most of what goes on in life yet I still worry about it. Even the slightest things can show lack Emunah. Dov gave me this example. He said he cant even look ahead to see if the train is coming if he's at the train station because why does he need to worry if the train is on its way or not? Dont take this to an extreme and say: "Oh so I dont even need to get up in the morning (um, bad example for this thread..) because controls what happens to my money." Although that's true that God controls your Parnassah, there's a comcept of Hishtadlus. Hishtadlus is doing what you can where you feel comfortable saying "I did what I can the rest is up to God".


Have a good Shabbos.

Is the melatonin you take cherry flavor?

If not, there's your problem right there.

OK. If you do not believe that, then here's something a bit less believable - but a lot more practical:

Before you lie down shluffy, say to G-d that you do not want to act out that night, or in that morning. Tell Him that you plan to go to sleep and that you would like Him to help you out with this night. Then consider asking Him to help you get OK with the fact that if you still wake up and act out this night/morning it seems to mean that you are not yet ready to be any freer from it at this stage of the game, and ask Him to please help you get better soon. No shame in front of Tatty - He knows all the chazerai already anyhow!

I have done this in the past, that is why I am suggesting it. (and posted about it a bit once, too, but can't remember what it was exactly about. But I digress...)

When I do this, I do not try hard, though saying byodcho afkid roochee is particularly meaningful then...staying calm is important, and realizing that it may take a few days or weeks, or may happen right away ans keep on happening. It's kind of a 3rd step thing as Dovid suggested, David.

Thank you dov I will certainly do that btw it is cherry flavor

Bard will give you some Woodford flavored Melatonin, I am sure...

Ahh bards! He has the solution to everything right there in a bottle of woodford. So I don't know if this is the best place to put this but I need to write out a dream I had last night and I don't have a blog, a diary or anyone else to share with. So despite taking a lot of melatonin again last night I woke up at 4. This time it wasn't stress from work. I don't even really know why I did. So I did what dov told me to and asked the Big Fella to get me through. I know dov told me to do it before I went to sleep but whatever better late than never I guess. I then went on GYE a bit read some threads and fell asleep. So I have this recurring nightmare about this imaginary bridge between the bronx and manhattan that is too steep and narrow. This morning I dreamt about it again. In my dream I am at home when all of the sudden all of my devices start pulling up porn pics. I start freaking out but no matter what I do all the pics I ever looked at began coming up like a slideshow on the screens of my laptop and ipod and so on. When I try to figure out what's going on I learn that my daughter did something to my computers and this is happening now. I start to cry out her name but instead of calling out her name I call out the name of someone I lusted over as a child and who was part of my step one. I then realize that I am in the bronx and I need to get to manhattan. I run out of the house and towards this imaginary bridge. I realize I am barefoot. When I get to the bridge I see someone left me my crocs. I put them on. I then walk into a waiting room where I see lots of people that I know. It seems they are all sitting and gathering in this room and noone wants to cross the bridge. I decide I am going to go. I walk to the bridge and after walking out a few steps I see how steep it is and I panic. I can't move forward so I fall to the ground. I am frozen in fear looking down at the water. a bridge employee who is chassidish then comes out to help me. I keep telling him I want to go back but he pushes me forward instead. I am so scared and I fall off the side of the bridge. The chassidish guy leaves me dangling and goes on to help someone else. I am so scared and about to fall off when I wake up. I better lay off the melatonin huh?

Never be a trapeze partner with a chossid.

I always say that.

Yeh, sorry about that Rage, I had to help that other guy. Sheesh. I don't know how they think I can do everything!

The whole world is a very thin bridge... and the main thing is NOT TO FEAR.

As they say in the 12-Step groups, "Fear is the absence of faith"

and

F.E.A.R = False Evidence Appearing Real

You have an amazing soul.

The bridge is obviously Olam Hazeh (kol haolam kulu kesher tzar maoed).  The water represents torah (ain mayim eleh torah).  We are all hesitant to go down to Olam Hazeh (the waiting room was the otzar aneshamos in shomayim as was the apartment (v'chul massecha bsefer nichtavim)).  But Hashem in His wisdom sent down your neshoma.  The yetzer hatov (the chosid) is telling you to get off the bridge, i.e., let go of Olam Hazeh and jump into the waters of Torah.  For the most part you're almost there, holding on by a couple of fingers.  Like most people you want to still hold on just a little bit.  But its time to loosen your hold and just let yourself fall into the water of Torah and Kedusha.  So just jump already.

Thanks guard for your kind words. Dov last night before I went to sleep I asked hashem to help me through the night and baruch hashem it was a good night. Urajew I think there's a lot of truth to what you say. I am going to try once a day to just talk to god. I want to worship him instead of my false gods. I so desperately need him as a real presense in my life.