B"H. Day 18.

My partner came back into town so I am not alone for long stretches of time at the office... so that has helped me tremendously.  I had been beating my addiction, but it had made each day a struggle when I would be alone with my addiction, my thoughts, a computer and not a lot of accountability for how I spend my time.  Because I get a lot of things accomplished quickly... I can have some time at the end of the day when I don't have to do anything and when someone else isn't here, it can be hard.

It really goes to show us that we need to get out of ISOLATION!!!!

Eye, you are absolutely right... the phone conferences are amazing!  I am currently trying to do Dov's, Duvid Chaim's, and Elya's calls.  It is a little bit too much for me to handle all of them along with other shuirim, work, etc... but G-d willing I'll be able to continue them all (somehow). =)  B/c, these calls are saving my life, marriage, and family.

Thank you everyone for your support!!!  May Hashem send you much brochos!  And may we all succeed in creating a beautiful world together!

-Tuvia

Tuvia wrote on 17 Dec 2010 01:39:


Amein!! May it be so

Tuvia wrote on 17 Dec 2010 01:39:

I'm glad the suggestion was helpful, and your enthusiasm is impressive.  If I may suggest, you might want to speak to Dov, Duvid Chaim, or Elya about pacing yourself.  We need to make sure we can keep up with this for the long-run.

--Eye.

Good to hear your moving forward! Good thing you're getting out of isolation. This seems to be a very big stumbling block for a lot of people (me definitely included).

Keep up the Good work!

Keep on Trucking!!


B

Hey there - how are things going?

B"H.  Day 24.

There is something deep inside me that still has secretly said, "Tuvia, your a good person... you are beating this on your own."

Today, I realized that the above is not true.  Maybe for the first time.  I am really, REALLY an addict.  And on my own I can not stop.

HKBH saves me every day, but today I was saved by someone else over in the Accountability Group "ahavas hashem."  You can read it here: www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=3095.120

I can't even tell you how much I appreciate TB and YVY. 

Today... today I am sober because Hashem sent me two malachim.  May they both be gebenchted.

Wow - I have a few thoughts I'd like to share. First of all, fantastic that you're still clean! Rejoice in that!

You are a good person. Beating this completely on our own is impossible. If nothing else, we certainly need hashem's help, but generally, we also need some kind of support. And that's ok - realizing that you are still dong incredibly powerful and beautiful work, and that you are an amazing person...that's important.

And you're right, you need to have hakaras hatov to the two wonderful people who saved you - while realizing that you can also be someone's angel.

Also, you need to have hakaras hatov to yourself, for putting yourself in a situation where you can be saved! It's not just outside help. You did what you needed to do to be saved. And then, given the opportunity, you took it!

Keep on rocking!

SB,

Thanks for the encouragement and good points!

Thank you for the inspiration!

B"H, clean for today... that adds to 28 days.

Instead of reposting a long "Open Letter To My Wife" I wrote elsewhere just now, here is the link:

www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=3327.0

Today is day 31.

I'm just trying to make it each day without worrying about the future, but I am glad to have made it to level 4  8)

Thank you everyone for your encouragement!

Beautiful. You know, by the way, I TRY to keep in mind (without much success, mind you!) that every time I pull my wife into some emotionally challenging situation (like finding a letter in my 'drafts' folder )... I buy her a little present just to show that I'm still in love. Chicks dig flowers, cute cards with hard-written notes, even post-its on the bathroom mirror.

Sometimes it helps my wife remember that it's all worth it -- all the pain is worth having the gain of the relationship. Even with poor poor pitiful me .

It's probably not relevant, oh you sensitive one, but I figured I'd share my reaction nonetheless.

Beautiful work you're doing. Keep us posted.

Tuvia wrote on 29 Dec 2010 23:41:


Sound great.

--Eye.

Starting over again.  Day 2.

I fell yesterday early in the morning.

I was working on financial projections for my company, and was doing research online when an image popped up on the screen.  Immediately I left the site, but then my curiosity and addiction took over.  I photo searched word after word in google until something got through the filter. 

In the back of my mind, I convinced myself that there aren't any consequences.  Just a week earlier I had decided to take my wife off of being my partner for the WebChaver.  She can sometimes be OCD about checking it, and her having that much insight was causing more issues than when I was just giving into the addiction in the past.

The problem was that I didn't make sure that I had someone else to be the person checking WebChaver.  I know that the goal is as DuvidChaim says, to "have a filter on our minds."  However, I am not quite there right now... at least with the internet.


If anyone is a sponsor or knows of one... I am looking because I need one to setup to monitor webchaver.


OK, I'm back in the game.  Its just like the big book says, the addiction wants us to become DOWN about falling so that it can keep us in the addiction.  NOT FOR ME!!!  I'm back.  Humbly, with sword and shield ready.

Briut, your right.  I've done it for other thing (i.e. getting in arguments) but didn't for this... don't know why, but I'm going to go buy her flowers now!

Gut Shabbos