I am not quite sure how all this works.  Is this the area we keep our log?

I have had so many ups and downs lately. B"H I have been talking with an accountability partner on almost a daily basis.

My YH is doing everything to cause me to despair.  The only way that I get to where I need to look at something, is if I feel like everything in life is falling apart and then I give into the addiction to escape and fantasize. 

Right now I am working hard to maintain, even though all forces in the universe are trying to bring physical, financial, spiritual, and emotional calamity down on me so that I will despair and give in.

Hashem help me.  If I can just get through this day, then I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

Need to call Elya

Dear Tuvia,

Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information…

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week… This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc… So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not…

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook

This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude

The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

May Hashem be with you!

Day 11

Zemiros, thanks so much for the encouragement.

be"H this will be a good day

that is the standard welcome 'package', put together by the admin of this site, also known as the 'Heilige Guard'

you have a lot going for you, you have a partner, you can call Elya, and you joined the forum here. many people would love to have a partner so appreciate what you have. post here as much as you feel comfortable with, read what others write, get to know the place and you will see that many share the same struggles you have and we can all use and give chizuk and ideas.

hatzlacha rabbah on your journey
zs

Hi Tuvia

I'm new here too! (been here about 2 months)

This a seriously holy place with so many people helping each other!

A few pieces of 'newbie' type advice from a fellow newbie:

1. The "Wall of Honor" area of the forum (commonly called WOH) is generally used by people to keep a log of their progress. Some people combine that with an entry in the 90-journey (http://guardyoureyes.org/woh/90day.php), although not everyone does. Either way - it's a good idea to think of things one day at a time (although having a tool that helps one keep track of progress is very helpful to many here, including myself).

2. It's a very good thing that you created a personal-log thread in the WOH area (see above ) and you should definitely post your progress here - write about your struggles and about your victories, get chizuk from others, and all that good stuff. However, I suggest you also create ANOTHER thread in the www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?board=19.0">"Introduce Yourself" area - and introduce yourself to the kehilla (maybe tell a bit of your story.. only if you're comfortable of course!). A lot of people monitor new-entries in those threads more than in this one, and I think you'll get more of your initial questions answered (as well as tons of chizuk & love all around )

3. In general, post post post - making & maintaining a connection helps break down the wall of seclusion/darkness that our problem tends to grow in.

Anyways,
have a great Shabbos, hatzlacha, and let's grow together!

Hi there - welcome!

Gut Shabbos Everyone!

Thank you so much for all the encouragement.  I started this day off feeling like I might have a fall... but, B"H, because I just read all of your very nice comments, I feel so much better and stronger.

Naftali, thanks so much for the welcome and good advice!

Much hatzlacha to everyone and a good Shabbos!

For me, posting on a consistent basis was a big help - it helped me explore the issues involved, and my emotions in response to them. Also, it helped me keep track of how I felt, on a daily basis, about my recovery, and reminded me how important it was to me.

Otherwise, sometimes the disease can make me think that recovery isn't all that important...

day 14.

SB, you are right... posting helps me out a whole lot too.

just don't go postal

continued hatzlacha!

Day 16!  B"H good so far today.

Nice. Keep it up!

Great!
thank the One above

Welcome Tuvia.

I just checked out your story.  AMAZING!  I'm very impressed.

Also, I see that you've noticed something EXTREMELY important here--when you're stressed, you tend to act out.

So, it follows, that in order to recover, we have to learn how to manage life, not just our urges.

Also, you said, "I’m ready to beat this and I can’t afford to let this destroy my life, my family, wife, conversion, or future.  So I’m ready to do anything to quite this.  I also want to help you.  Everyone on GYE.  I tell you the above (long) story so that you can help me more."

So, you realize you're dealing with something that could be very destructive, G-d forbid.

AND, you seem WILLING to do whatever it takes to get over this.

I have been on this forum for about a year and a half, and I have been in this struggle for over 20 years.

I felt like I was treading water, not getting very far, until very recently.  What made the biggest difference for me was the 12-step phone conferences offered through GYE (I have been a part of Duvid Chaim's calls).  A new cycle of this phone conference just started yesterday--it's not too late to join.

You will probably also find it very helpful.

--Eye.
 

Good luck to you, welcome and keep it up! This is the only day (that matters).