I'll take the money - chaval on putting it in the garbage! 

Seriously, I have an eitza for you.  Give the money to Tzedaka, but with the following conditions: it does not count as Maaser, it cannot be taken as a tax deduction, and you relinquish any and all s'char for the Mitzvah, including the s'char for being so selfless that you don't care about s'char!

well done moshe, we're all rooting for you, that is one bold step to take!

MosheF wrote on 09 Nov 2010 16:26:


Wow! That is truly inspired and inspiring! Taking something useful/valuable and making garbage out of it seems like a perfect analogy to messing up, too.

Kedusha said, give it tzedaka without counting as maaser etc. I'm on your side. Take something that COULD be going to tzedaka and COULD be doing good and instead, simply making it valueless... ought to make such a huge impact on you that you will hesitate before doing it again. Wow.

So I'm on your side: throw that money in the garbage and cry over the hungry people you've just deprived. Shkoiach!

Thanks guys.  Evenings are usually very hard for me and I have something going on tonight so that's good.

Did i mention that when I said except for shabbos and in middle of the night, nightime starts at shkia and in Kabbala Shabbos starts on Wedsesday and continious through Tuesday  .

Post 1 today.

Still sober, hope I can keep myself busy today, many challenges at work that tend to make run to the internet.

we're here for you, stay close-by. escape to us, instead of elsewhere.
I try to take a deep breath and a couple of minutes away from work, I go for a walk round the office and space out.

I feel really stupid about something that happened about an hour ago and I am finding myself going to websites to make me feel good.    Reminds me of "there is no situation where acting out would make me feel better".

try escaping to GYE...

talk to Hashem about how you feel, spill it all out to Him

I fell, the pressure was too much and I just went online and wham, it's over.  I technically posted prior to the fall so I don't know if I own anyone money, I believe I don't.  Let Kedusha decide.

oiy vey! we must have the same mazel. i have been chained to the computer since this afternoon. really planned to go to SA meeting tonight,but the YH held me hostage. Hashem Yracheim Oleinu! tomorrow is another day! u have not lost until u stop trying!!

I promised to post every day but don't have much to say, I hope to be busy today.

good for you, MosheF, for staying in the game and for posting and for being busy, all those are great things!
hatzlocha rabba!
zs

MosheF wrote on 10 Nov 2010 22:58:


I defer to Guard.

Moshe, your post contains an important point - that the pleasure is so quick and fleeting.  It seems that the y"h is getting the much better deal - putting us in misery for days, weeks, or months, for a few seconds of intense pleasure.  The funny thing is that we let him get away with it!

I fell last night.  I knew it a few hours earlier, it was not the fall that bothers me, that was inevitable once I ran away from life, but the NEED I had to run away for the entire night to run away, and give in I did, I went to my office last night to "work" and fell right through the roof.    I should have called someone a few hours earlier but didn't have the guts or even who to call.

Moshe I sent you my number. Hang in there Shabbos is coming.