I'm always listening  . My issue was with your flippant dismissal of going to that massause as not being an issue. And then validating it by the massage clearing up all your problems. If I was the YH I would consider that a victory. Even if I had to give you a temporary reprieve from temptation to get it.

Just sayin

About that massage and vitamin supplements...

          ....well, if you're not also taking OMEGA3, you CAN'T be serious!

--Eye.

Ok, some random comments here.
Eye., AMUSH, you're right. I've been taking Omegas for several years, in the balance of stuff (EPA, DHA, etc) designed to supplement my mood stabilizer drugs. Seem to help. I'm still working with the pharmacist to find a similar formulation that's by prescription and therefore covered by insurance.

Me3: we're gonna havta agree to disagree on this one. I know this massage therapist, and know he's not at all se*ual in his work. That's not why I went there. I suppose I can't stand on a high horse to tell you it makes no difference to me whether a guy massaging me is gay or straight. I'll confess that it does. But it's not because I'll be dreaming of him at bedtime. Trust me. And, I hope you understand that I wasn't saying this relief of physical pain means I can run away from every ounce of work I've done since I arrived, or stop doing more. No way, Jose. Beyond that, we may have to disagree... lovingly, of course.

Shmendrick: Please remember that all us guys here are simply virtual, avatar, artificial characters. Behind us are genuine people with complexities not evident on the forum. So while it might seem to you as if someone would benefit from some particular action (e.g., 12-step calls, or whatever), please keep in mind dan lkaf zchus that there may be more than simple reluctance or blindness going on. It's probably a good klal when working with anyone here. It's one I tend to forget myself from time to time. So this is a good time for me to give myself this little reminder -- we don't really know what's going on, on the other side of the curtain.

Anyhow, other than the fact that I've caught some nasty bronchitis (viral, so there's not even augmentin to help out), I'm feeling good. I mean, about my GYE work and everything.

Blessings to all of you.

massages are very therepuetic. i let my little brothers just walk up and down my back sometimes feels soooooo effing good.

it doesn't have to be s*xual i agree. just nice, tension releiving, relaxing, and goooooooooood

Briut wrote on 20 Dec 2010 23:06:


Ummm... errr... I was actually trying to be fecitious!  With all due respect, of course.

Shavua Tov,

--Eye.

Eye: fascinating.... 

[As in so much of life, sometimes the best of messages are delivered in vehicles that weren't even designed for that task in the first place. That's how most great Nobel discoveries are made, too, I think.]

Gut Voch.

Briut wrote on 26 Dec 2010 00:28:

I think that's also how Federal Express was discovered, too.

Hey, just checkin in.  thanks for what you posted on my thread.  Calmmmmmming.  thanks for the light box tip.  took your advice.

Do you use a secretarial service to help you with your voluminous posting?  I may need a job.  Just checking.

Briut wrote on 20 Dec 2010 23:06:


That's of course true.  And don't I know it, as much as anyone else here.

And I so much appreciate you and your searing honesty and forthrightness about what you are going through -- you are truly an inspiration to me and everyone else.

It is just that I really feel that you ought to try the DC call before dismissing it as "not for me".  You really don't know what you are missing, no matter who is really behind the stethoscope.

Much love to you my dear brother in this great forum

Shmendrick

OK, I guess I need to post this, just to keep myself in HonestyLand. Ouch....

Namely -- I've been exploring options (again) for that one last great final fall that many AA-niks seem to crave just before going into rehab.

I don't think I should go into details, except to say that I'm honestly thinking "just go ahead and get it over with already, so you'll see it doesn't have any real power / control / effectiveness. The energy you're spending in not looking at that 500 lb elephant on the table is just a huge distraction. You'll need better tools over the long run, but for now just let go and check it out. It won't provide what it might have done for you a year ago...."

Every step toward indulging this craving seems to bring something unfortunate happening to one of my kids (get it? zera? midah k'neged midah? oy!) but I'm not deterred. And every step seems to get messed up with some divine intervention, but I'm not listening.

So, I'm working on it. I'll probably survive this. But here I am with almost an entire year behind me here, and only two real falls (mz'l). I'd never figured I'd be in this state (wow), yet still I'm feeling I still "have one to go" before I close out the year. Oy. Sick. Sick.

I'm trying to focus on the great chessed of Hashem (and Guard-shlita, and all those listening and posting and keeping me straight (?) on the path), to bring me from where I was a year ago (what - 12 whole days clean??!) to where I am today (wow, He really wants me clean enough to sit directly by His side; after all these years; gevaldig!). The RID is building, the EGO is hurting, but I'm still tickin'.

Anyhow, just wanted to post my brutal honesty and explain to myself-in-future my reasons for not posting so much. Oy.

Briut wrote on 31 Dec 2010 15:40:


Sorry Bruit, the "one last great final fall" is only for people who are going into AA after.  But since you refuse to consider the 12-steps.  Youre just not entitled to it.  Maybe next time though.

Briut wrote on 31 Dec 2010 15:40:


No further comment, at least for now.

Thanks for the brutal honesty and hang in there (it sure beats the alternative).

Have a wonderful Shabbos

Even if your "planning" on going into the 12 Steps, planning on a last binge prior to joining often does not really work.

I have heard this type of thinking before in SA meetings.  Unfortunately after the big binge the addict mind comes up with some silly excuse not to go to the 12 Steps.  When the person does eventually show up it is then the result of a major catastrophe (eg. thrown out of their house, arrested, gave their wife a disease).  These cases are heartbreaking, the person was on the cusp of walking into the solution but didn't make it there before so much was lost.

You know what? I'm tired of rationalizing with you.

You're just a big baby.

Do what you want.

I have nothing more to say.

Me3 wrote on 31 Dec 2010 16:09:


Now that's "Brutal Honesty."

Count me in. So am I.

I'm sitting here stewing in pain and self-pity.  Upset that my wife says hurtful things and being most upset that in a week she'll come back to apologize for some ridiculously trivial thing but refuse to look at the really painful stuff she does.

Waaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Grow up Jooboy!

As I've been told "Having resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die".  It only hurts me.  So how do I get rid of it?  I've been making phone calls, journaling, praying and now I need to surrender.  The world works according to God's will.....not mine.  If He wanted me to have a wife that never said hurtful things I would have one.

God, please help me to accept your will in my life. 

Back to Briut since its his thread.  I wouldn't say anyone here is a baby.  Most of us here have problems and I don't mean porn and masturbation.  Most of us have underlying problems that drive us to porn and masturbation.  Most of us (by that I mean ME) don't look for help till the pain of acting out is greater than the pain of looking for help. 

It is sad, but recovery does not seem to work till there is sufficient pain experienced. Who's to say Briut is not correct?  Perhaps the pain resulting from one last fling is what he needs to get himself really on track?  If it worked would it not be worthwhile? 

It gives me cause to pause and recognize God's kindness in leading me to recovery before I lost what so many others have lost.  It didn't have to be that way.

Time to go write a gratitude list, change my attitude, put a smile on and get myself out of this dirty diaper