Note: No parts of this post may be reproduced in any email, including a "chizuk" email.
If you get easily depressed - don't read this post.
I feel the need to express my emotions, in poetry.
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I am a hermit.

I am surrounded by people, yet I feel alone.
I feel the pain caused by my crushed soul.

Going through life, going through the motions.
Suppressing my almost exploding volcano of emotions.

I am an addict, trying to break free.
Wondering if the world would be any different without me.

Feeling HaShem's presence is such a difficult task.
Yet it seems to be the only answer to the questions that I ask.

How can I do it? How can I even try?
I have no other option but to learn how, until I die.

:'( That was so beautiful.Thank you momo

Wow!

You spoke right to my heart.

Momo wrote on 06 Aug 2009 09:34:

Dear sweet Momo - please see my post to a new guy, "maalin bakodesh" in a section called "vechatosi negdi tomid". I don't know how to create the link for you, tzadik. Please let me know what you think if you'd like...
I love you so much.
Dov

Hi Momo, I took all your beautiful posts of summaries from Duvid Chaim's phone calls and made you a new thread on the "Breaking Free" board over here. I made it "sticky" so it stays on top of the board always...

Please keep summarizing for us on the new thread. Your summaries are very inspiring!

dov wrote on 06 Aug 2009 17:42:


Hey Dov,

Here's the link: rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=722.msg11088#msg11088

I wish I knew how to do your advice. I feel so selfish and lustful.

Dear Momo - The way to do it (though you didn't ask ) is certainly: slowly and in very little steps. You will still feel selfish along the way, because we compare our behavior with our goal. Nu, that's a mistake, but we do need to keep the goal in mind all along the way somehow, so what do we expect. We are not geniuses and get confused sometimes. The ikkar for progress is to hang onto faith that these little tiny (still mostly selfish) steps will, in fact, lead us straight to that goal.
Hope this was and will continue to be helpful to u.
"Easy, does it"
Dov

bs"d

Momo,

your poem broke my heart  :'(,  and thank you for posting it.

Dov,

i think i need to make a book out of your posts and learn it every day chok velo yavor (b'n  )

Well, after 6 clean days I fell again.

I can't believe it. I received a triggering email that set me off to 3 hours of surfing soft p*rn, mast*** and acting out, all at work! And I'm so far behind in my work, it's really pathetic.

I am completely powerless over  my addiction.

I am ready to move on to step 3 of the 12 steps already! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:-[  >  :'(

I'm thinking of quitting my job. I simply can't handle it anymore. I'm so far behind in my work, and can't get motivated to doing it. Of course since I have no other source of income and a family, that would not be such a good idea. But then again, I'm not acting very responsibly now.

I hope I'm a "role model" to the young guys here (Uri and anyone else in their 20s). See what happens when you don't work on your addiction when you're young? You can end up like me, at work with a family but fighting the urge to surf instead of working.

I'm aware that one of the bus stops to hitting bottom is losing one's job. I think the next one is losing one's family. HaShem Yirachem!

Powerless?
Ive rarely heard something so off!!
Impilsive sometimes?maybe.but powerless?im offended that you could say such a thing about yourself
is this the momo we all know???the man whose thoughtful ponderings keep me thinking for hours???
what shtus!
so you fell
and you get up
over and over....
make a deal with yourself that you will most definetly not act out at work at least.that maybe u can do.draw a line between work and home.then youll feel you have a little more control.
were all impulsive rebbe.and youre going through the internal changes and becoming less impulsive,even if right now you dont feel that way.
six days of cleanliness!!
i dont want to hear such shtus again from you,please.
aggravation you can express.but hopelessness??be careful.
We love you momo.Dont worry.Youll be fine.I promise                
With a powerful love-uri

-- deleted --

My heart hurts so much for you Momo.
You have so much on your plate, and without simcha, the strength to change is like having to drain the ocean single handedly.

Have you tried looking for another job? True, the market is not ideal right now, but if its meant to be, Hashem can send the perfect job k'heref eiyin.

We're with you Momo. Always and forever.

Why not look, then we'll deal with the interview. Keep in mind, interviews last 1/2 hour, while unhappy jobs last 8 each day!
Im so glad to hear about your visitor. Thats no small hug from Hashem! Savor it

bs"d
7Up wrote on 11 Aug 2009 10:12:


i second that!

Tomim2B wrote on 11 Aug 2009 10:03:


Reminds me of what I wrote to Momo back in March: