Hi everyone,

After originally joining this forum, my first streak was the best for me (24 days). That was accompanied by almost daily posts and the chart. More important than the number of days, during this streak I really felt the Kedusha and that was an amazing feeling. I felt that I was actually getting rid of lust from within me. However, after I fell, I gave up with the forum and chart, and had smaller streaks. I make efforts to try again, however, I never reached the feeling of Kedusha during the shorter streaks (that were between 5 and 20 days). I also never felt that I was getting rid of the lustful feelings. I was just counting days until the next fall.

Anyway, I'm ready to try again with the chart and posting on the forum. I'm ready to make a REAL effort again but I've been feeling very lonely for the past few days, and I need the chizuk from this board to remind me that I'm not alone, and someone cares if I try or not.

Here's another try to feel the Kedusha and attempt to rid myself of the lust...

My first clean day was May 12, so yesterday (May 16) counts 5 clean days so far.

May HaShem help me. 

Welcome Back!!

The reason you are here, (a place of Kedusha), is because YOU chose to come back!!!

And, the fact that YOU chose to come back during the sefira of Yesod, proves the above to be true.

Another reason that you are back, is because you believe in yourself...that you can do it, otherwise you would not have returned.

So MOMO, you are looking for Kedusha...you found it! You are here!!!!

Just remember 2 things:

1) You have what it takes to finish the job.

2) The y"h is NOT happy that you have returned. It was not with his blessing, therefore you are the one with the upper hand.

Welcome Back

Dear Momo, welcome back! Major changes have happened in the GYE community since you were away. I would almost go as far to say as there are two distinct periods of GYE. One BEFORE the handbooks, and one AFTER the handbooks came out :-) Now that you have these handbooks, I truly believe you will be able to take your struggle to a whole new level of success.

The Handbooks aren't just "another" feature of our network, but rather, they lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work hopefully for years to come, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc... So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented. Particularly you, Momo, would benefit the most from the attitude handbook, because I believe you have the strength in you, you just need a little more determination, and G-d willing the Attitude handbook can help with that!

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Make sure to read them, they contain a wealth of information on beating this addiction! And I'd love to hear your feedback on them...

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not...

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

Great, I'm glad to hear!

I would particularly focus on principles #23-#30 of the Attitude handbook... That should help give some perspective so that the mistakes of last fall aren't repeated...

Always remember, it is never "all or nothing" in this struggle and that every little bit counts. And davka when we DON'T feel the Kedusha and inspiration - that is the real test, and THAT is when we grow the most, without even realizing it :-)

Momo, i know how you feel about the loneliness, just be aware that i am with you. I too am a beginner and hope that success will lead to more success till we get rid of this terrible thing. I always used to wonder, am i the only one in the world that is this way? now that i know that this is a war so many of us must fight its so much easier especially if you're fighting together with others. Keep posting and know that I am with you along with all the rest of the chevra

Please add me to the 90 day chart. My previous streak was 24 days. First clean day of current streak: May 12. Yesterday I finished my 7th clean day.
Thanks,
Momo

Welcome Back. You're on!
:D

I joined the SLAA Yahoo group. health.groups.yahoo.com/group/SLAAsupport/?yguid=397050955. When you do this, they automatically send you a lot of documentation to read regarding the 12 steps. I highly recommend everyone sign up and read the stuff they send you.

I've tried to actually go to either an SA or an SLAA meeting, but unfortunately both haven't worked out yet (basically, they've not gotten back to me regardless how many times I attempt to contact them). Anyway, to be honest, even though I think it would be great for me to attend meetings (and I really want to), on the other hand, the closest location of either of these meetings is 1.5 hours drive from my house (in each direction), so it's quite a shlep (assuming the meeting is for an hour, we're talking with travel time 4 hours total for each meeting).

So, I was wondering how can I take the literature and do the 12 steps on my own, and so, HOW?.

Even better, is there a way for us on the forum to call in once a week and have a 12-step meeting? I know there's one run by Elya in the U.S, but I'm in Israel. I've called Rabbi Shochet, but from what I understand he seems to do one-on-one calls and address an immediate need that someone has at the time of the call, but he doesn't do group therapy and walk you through the 12 steps.

Dear Momo, It's great to see how determined you are. That will ultimately assure you success!

Please read Tool #14, and even more importantly, Tool #15 of The GuardYourEyes Handbook

I think that will clarify a few things for you...

I may be able to help SA get back to you. Send me an e-mail with your phone number and I will try and pass it on to a contact I have for SA in the Jerusalem area. You may be surprised to learn they have SA groups near by where you live (not only in French Hill). They have in Town, Har Nof, Betar, and a few other places...

Momo Says,

"Even better, is there a way for us on the forum to call in once a week and have a 12-step meeting?"

How about are own Instant Messaging? Chat Rooms! with different categorize & Topics like,

1) 12 Steps
2) Daga Blev Ish Yesocheno & so on

I think someone mentioned it already & it a great idea.

Wonderful ideas... We were going to start something like this for the 12-Steps, see tool #14 of the GYE Handbook. I am still waiting for Boruch to get back to me on that...

Anybody have the technical knowledge on how to start such things? And anyone want to run them?

Sorry, I didn't get to read all the hand books for I got stuck on the forum.

I only got to read "The First Day of the rest of my life" I highly recommend everyone to read it.

I even printed out a small banner that I taped across the top of my screen that reads " Remember! Today is the First Day of the rest of your life!"

I will try Bl"n to read the other hand books I already downloaded to my GYE folder on my desktop.

I'm very sorry to admit that after 12 clean days I fell today.

Guard, please remove me from the 90 day chart.

I thought this time would be different. In the beginning I certainly felt closer to HaShem than my other attempts. However, here's how I fell today: When I was reading today's news on the Net, I saw a link to something OK, but once I went there, that page had a link to something borderline, and that triggered lust in my heart of a picture I saw around a half a year ago. So, I them found a breach in my filter and found that picture that I enjoyed before, and unfortunately enjoyed it again. It was all over after that, just a matter of time before acting out.

I see that I must stick to news sites and not click to other pages, even thought it looks OK, because a link on that page might take me to a triggering page. Beware!

I see that I haven't been able to internalize Step #3 by myself even after reading the literature. I hope once I go to SA meetings (if it ever happens, Guard, you know I'm working on it) that that will help me overcome the feelings of lust that enter my heart.

Your honesty will help you pull through in the end...

Please do me a favor and read Tool #2 and #3 in the GYE handbooks well... It will give you some good perspective on the type of tricks the Yetzer Hara plays on us in these areas... and how to protect ourselves.

We fall and we learn. And we keep learning until we stop falling.

Don't take 12 days clean lightly. That's a tremendous achievement! 12 and another 12 and another 12, and it starts to go up... to longer and longer. All in the merit of these clean streaks you are having today. Don't let the falls get you down. You are beating the Yetzer Hara by far.

We are here for you.

Guard, the most important lesson of this site is that as long as we keep trying, even though we fail sometimes, we are still not hypocrites for appearing and behaving frum, right?

The voice I'm hearing now "How can you look and pretend to be so frum and still behave like this, just drop the act?" is the Yetzer Hara, right? In the past (before discovering this site) I've lowered my religiosity level after a fall, and that never helped.

As you said, I remember saying No to the Y'H a number of times during the past 12 days. That's gotta count for something. But, the fact that I've only been able to string together bunches of clean days separated by falls, and that I can't see how I can manage to live a completely clean lifestyle, is bothering me.