Momo wrote on 24 Jun 2010 06:32:


SA

Momo wrote on 24 Jun 2010 06:32:


Ask Him 

Mussar helps that. I know we dont believe that Torah itslef can help us get into recovery but it can certainly help us have a passion to serve Hashem.

I got a good deal of passion to serve Hashem once I was convinced that He isn't disgusted with me at all. Think about it...a rebbi, teacher, parent, sister, wife, store clerk, whoever....they have this look of near-puking whenever you see them looking at you.  Would you be able to summon up the brenn to give them your all? or to deal with them with 'passion'? I doubt it.

If deep inside I really believ that He "knows " that I am a damn loser, the passion ain't happening. Same goes for my wife in the relationship...kmayim haponim., etc... 

I love Momo.

Let's bring this thread back to life!

We miss you, Momo!

Well, I sent him a PM calling it to his attention.  Hopefully, it's linked to his e-mail.

Momo, did you get my PM?  Make our day - let's hear from you! 

Hi everyone.
I don't check this site anymore because I don't want to focus on my addiction, but I saw Kedusha's PM in my email. Nice to hear from you all. I hope you are doing well. Also nice to know you haven't forgotten about me. 

Thank G-d, I'm doing pretty good. I've been seeing a new therapist for about 4 months, and I find he's helping. Also, around 2 months ago I started taking medication, and that's helped me a lot. I now feel that I have bechira chofshit. I sometimes slip, but most of the time, make the right decisions. Before the medications, I really felt compelled, as if I had very little choice in the matter.

Not that we're counting    but I'm almost 11 weeks porn free and mz"l free. My previous record was 6 weeks (remember I raised a couple of buck for GYE then?). It's easier, but not easy. I am aware now when I'm about to cross (or have crossed) a line before getting to the red line. Once we cross the red line, it's almost impossible to pull back.

With the help of therapy, I've also improved (deepened) my relationship with my wife and kids. In fact, you could say that I've replaced my "virtual" fantasy relationships with internet women with my relationship with my real wife and kids. Much better for all of us! I've also been working on my relationship with my boss, and my attitude toward work in general.

It feels good working on living each day (and feeling good about myself), and not surviving through another day.

<>

A big thank you to HaShem, my family, and my therapist for helping me so far.

7UP, are you still here? Do you still read the men's side? Hope you're well. (Can you say "hi" to me?)
Habib, how's married life? Hope you're well.
And to all of my guy friends who've supported me, thank you (and of course I hope you're all well too).
And to Guard--no words can express my gratitude to you. Thank you.

Guys, keep on trucking!

Momo's back!!! (at least for one post).

:D :D :D ;D ;D ;D

Great to hear from you - glad to hear you're doing well!

Happy to see you MOMO!

Glad to hear things are going well for you.

I wonder how you're doing every so often.  Thankyou for posting.

--Eye.

Just saw this now (thanks for bringing it to my attention )

Momo; I still say you are the awesomest (sorry Rager, you can be second!)
Your post brought such a huge smile to my face. I feel like a Cheshire cat ;D
Baruch haTatty for LIFE!
Keep living it up and let us know when you some day take that trip around the world:)

Hi everyone.

I'm not back on the forum. I just thought it would be fair to post once more to let all of my friends and supporters know that yesterday was my 90th not-acting out day. A year ago I told people here that my doing 90 days would be impossible. Baruch shechiyani vekiyimani, vehigiati lazman ha-ze! Thank G-d I'm alive to live this moment!

I feel that for me, it's time to stop counting days, or weeks. Maybe stop counting at all. Just live life with the fact that p*rn isn't a good option anymore for my anxiety. I have other healthier tools to deal with anxiety (what you guys might know as R.I.D.). Going for a walk. Playing with my kids. Talking to my wife. Talking to myself. Talking to my therapist. Upping my medication dosage (just kidding, sort of). 

I sort of feel like I've passed the first level of a video game. It feels good, but you know when the screen displays "Level 2: Start" that the work has just begun. Now, I'm no longer hiding from the real issues by running to p*rn, I can work on the real issues that took me to p*rn. For example, I'm working on my anger, which is just another way of acting out from anxiety, just not sexually. Again, my point is that the p*rn isn't the problem. The anger isn't the problem. The issues that cause the anxiety that brings me to anger (and used to take me to p*rn) are the problem.

Thank G-d I'm finally living, no longer surviving. However I'll be honest, living in the "real" world IS harder than living in the "fantasy" world we create for ourselves when we surf p*rn. But, ask yourselves this: At the end of your lives, do you want to say to yourselves (and I guess to G-d) that you lived, faced challenges, and dealt with them maturely and as best you could, or do you want to say that you lived your lives in a virtual dream world, cut off from your families and from reality, and didn't face any of the challenges you were put here to face?

You might ask yourselves, that's fine after 120 years, but what's in it for me now (living a "real" life)? Here's the instant payback for us: "Real" relationships take much more work than "virtual" ones, but they are much, much more real and satisfying.

If anyone in the future wants to contact me, I'd be ticked pink. Just PM me, and I'll get it in my email. OK, I wont' lie, I'll probably check this page in a day or two to see if anyone responded to this post. 

Love you all. Thanks for your prayers and support. G-d bless.

This hardhearted soda can has tears in her eyes Momo.
Im soooo soooo happy for you.
I always knew you could do it, but nothing in the world makes me happier than hearing that YOU now believe it too.
Youve made my day.
Nah; my month!

We (I) love you Momo.

wow!
good news is just so.... good!
gevaldig! stupendous-gimongous-enormous-gigantic-supercalifragilistic

Momo, please consider posting more here when you can for the benefit of all of us here

Baruch shechiyani vekiyimani, vehigiati lazman ha-ze!

Momo, you are a true testimony to the koach of this amazing community. Even if we didn't have the resources to help you on-line (the past two years), you were able to learn here that it can be done, and that there are so many things we can do to recover. Perhaps you can share with us what helped you the most in the end? Did you end up going for therapy, medication, 12-Step groups? (or all 3?)

From your post it is clear that you have learned a lot and grown a lot.

You are saying what Dov always says, that the acting-out is only our medication that covers over "real life". And only when we stop the medicating can we start to see the "real" challenges that we had always wanted to run away from. While this is hard at first, this is what life is all about. And it's a heck of a lot more interesting and fulfilling than medicating it away!  ;D

Hillel Mechayev es Ha'aniyim. - Momo Mechayev es ha'addicts.
If Momo can do it, anyone can!

Momo, you are a GYE hero from now on!