Hey MOMO, it's all said in your thread name.
That's right, "another try". That's really what it's all about.
Do you regret all the times you refrained - even though you eventually fell? No way. After the fact, you can see how amazing it is to say "NO" to him.
If someone is only motivated when he's at 20 or 30 or 85, but if theoretically he'd be at 0 or 2 or 4 - then that same person would be weak and give in, then there's something wrong with his thinking and/or method. Even if he IS at 90.
In fact, I would even venture to say that someone with the right mindset at day 1, is far better off than someone with the wrong mindset at 90.

Always remember, the reasons not to do certain things are equally as true at day 1 and at day 89.
This is just a way to get yourself to believe you can do it.

You seriously gotta hang in there.

Hope to see the good ol' "DAY ONE" post on your thread soon.

so, did He catch you yet?

were here for you.  I know you can do it!!!  Just think about it in one minute segments to start with.  Keep on trying.

Momo wrote on 31 Jan 2010 05:59:
I admitted to myself that I really didn't want to act out again and take the steps to go around it whenever it comes up again. As soon as I remember that pain of not doing/having it - like a brick wall - coming at me, I say "Tatty helf," or "G-d help me," rather calmly. I leave the anxious "screaming out in tortured pain" to the unfortunate folks who think they just have to be "fervently religious" enough to merit His help. I just trust Him to help me even though I'm a loser, period.
And He helps me get over the pain of not checking out that entertainment site, that ad in the paper, that news story about so-and-so's latest escapades, that powerful self-pity-engendering resentment, that hand-wringing over fear...I can't have those luxuries. Maybe my mother can? (Just a joke, a loke! Ha.)
Anyway, I need help from G-d mainly to get over that tremendous pain of witholding lust opportunities - of not taking little risks for lust. That's how I never get started again, and how I am sober today, I guess. Once I get over that pain, I need help to avoid trying to "kill it" - I have found that I can't smash lust "to smithereens" - it'd be way too much power for me to have, if I did! I believe I'd soon be the master over lust and consider myself "healed". No longer an addict. Just more BS, to me. And BS is deadly for me. All I can do is keep my little eyes on the little here-and-now. The next time this kind of stupid idea pops into my head again seems like it's actually in my best interest, I'll just have to calmly ask Him to help me drop it again and again ask Him for help to keep it dropped...till the next time - and that's OK. It's none of my business how fast He wants me to "get better". I don't care, really. I just want to be sober today. And it has worked so far, b"H.
Also, I have found a chevra to share these things with (SA and GYE guys in and out of the meetings) and have learned how to use the written work of the 4 step to clean my system out as needed. Through that I have accepted myself as an imperfect person who needs a lot of work, and am OK with that. I can look into the mirror at my eyes without shame and disgust.
Sorry for the dovish, but this is my insides, here, so it's very...you know...
Hope it helps, Mo.

Mo-man,

Hi. i'm back from sickbay. Sorry I didnt hear your red-letter SOS call.

I know EXACTLY what you is talkin' 'bout. Paralyzed with fear to start the plunge, cuz afraid I'm not good enough to succeed at WHATEVER it is I can't start.

At the risk of getting black-listed, I say a person can learn a LOT from cartoons. When i was too sick to do anything but mope around feeling sorry for myself, i tried to cheer myself up watching "Finding Nemo." One of the GREAT moral messages from that CG-fest is a scene where Marlin (protagonist - he's a clown fish) is holding on for dear life to the inside edge of a whale's tongue, lest he fall off and go down the whale's throat into what he expects is oblivion. His other fin is holding onto his only friend, who WANTS to let go and fall down the throat, believing with sort of an "emunah peshuto" that everything will be alright if they just let go and trust. Marlin asks her "But how do you know that something BAD won't happen?" To which she replies "I DON'T!" He then closes his eyes and lets go, and although they fall down, they are immediately blown out through the whale's blow-hole back into the world and salvation.

Sometimes we just have to jump. And yes, we don't know if something "BAD" might happen because we jump. But if we stop to think about it, not only are we powerless over our addiction, but Mo-man, WE ARE POWERLESS OVER OUR ENTIRE LIVES!! HASHEM is the only one in control!! NOT US!! And you know, I know, WE ALL KNOW that he's always right there next to us, always doing for us what is ultimately good for us. But WE HAVE TO GIVE HIM ROOM TO DO HIS "MAGIC"!! We have to develop our Emunah Peshuto that "everything will ultimately be alright." Then we have to TRUST HIM, and LET GO!

So when you and I are standing on that very thin ledge between accepting an assignment and the deadline, and we see the ledge is getting thinner, we KNOW we can not stay here - to stay is to lose. So we have little choice. But I know that if I believe Hashem WILL come to my aid BECAUSE I TRUST IN HIM, I need not fear. I daven for his aid, to save me and help me accomplish, then I JUMP by letting go and starting to work.

So it is with our work, so it is with our spiritual and sobriety goals as well. WE CAN NOT STAY ON THIS LEDGE. We must jump. But it is up to us - are we jumping into out Tatty's strong and secure arms, or are we headed toward the cold, hard floor. It's up to US to aim.

Aim well, my beloved Momo, and then let go.

Happy Landings!!

Steve wrote on 31 Jan 2010 20:45:


Now, wait a dang cotton-pickled minute!!

That was so unintelligible that it wouldn't even pass for Klingon at the Octoberfest!! And you call my drivel "dovish"?! This was hopelessly "picklish"!

OK, OK, for each his own.....i'll take five and a cold shower.

;D

Love you young people.

HEY DOVISHE -

WASSAMARRA-MIT-JEW? You got sommin' against good ol' American Family Entertainment?

And how did you know I'm a closet Trekkie? Have you been hacking into my database again?

I always thought i knew russian till i read the last few posts!! Wow dov and pickle going at it! This calls for some popcorn and soda!



And MOMO Keep on Roaring!! That last one was huge!! I loved it!! Tatty loves when we roar!!!!!!!!!

Dear Momo,

I've been gone for about a week, and I'm so sorry to see the pain you're in... the paralysis... Why don't you try to set aside one hour in the morning and one hour in the afternoon to get work done and not surf?

Once you get yourself going, success breeds success and you can get yourself back on track!!!

Momo wrote on 31 Jan 2010 12:35:


I think I found it. I sent it to the filter gabai. He'll be in touch with you.

Momo wrote on 31 Jan 2010 14:47:


I have only two letters of Chizuk left to offer you Momo:

SA

I have another 2:

DC

As I Sees it:


This quote was in today's chizuk email:





  We see it again in this post above, and we see it with Dov, and other's. What do we see?  We see that we need G-d, and only G-d ALONE can help us, and so.....we ask him HELP, help, HeLP.....!!!!  And, yet...another fall, and then another fall.

So here is der question:

  How can Dov, ask for help....and get it. And, others like him, also get it?  I think we see the pattern. When they ask for help, they really mean it. i.e they mean that they absolutely KNOW that they can NOT do it themselves, not even .00001%.,and so , they are asking Hashem from a "real" truthful place. And it is this that makes all of the difference in the world. The quote above speaks about losing one's DIGNITY. (there is no dignity when standing opposite Hashem), there can only be a "lack" of dignity. This is a key that will open the door to hashem's assistance.

The quote above spoke about finally going to meetings, and this means that once he walked through the door, and without his Purim mask, he was now publicly making a statement that,: "I am sick, and "I" "I" I I I I I  cannot help myself. His walking through that door, is what it took for he himself to FINALLY swallow that bitter pill of admitance. And, just like when a seed is planted, it must first rot in the ground, so to here, his initially bitter pill began to take on a sweet taste. This sweet taste was the taste of freedom. Freedom from his dignity which was keeping him from healing, and REALLY asking Hashem, "Hashem ONLY you can help me"!

We have seen it over,and over again. It appears that the biggest tikun of these meetings, is the public declaration that YES, I too am sick. Just walking in the door is able to make a change.

Just a reminder:

the Ezras nashim is reading and cheering you on Momo.
We believe in you even when you dont

Oy Momo....It's nice to know that I'm normal that so many struggle like me and sometimes win and sometimes fail....

At least in this beginning stage...Many times I feel like I don't deserve to be on this thread because I've failed....I feel stupid about the advice and Chizzuk I gave to others at the times I felt in control etc....and now look at me I say to myself what an arrogant bastard I was to share my (stupid) WISDOM....Thanks for being open and sharing it's helping me climb out of my own shell.