Can someone explain what happened to me today.
U Yesterday I absolutely destroyed a strong urge and took the W like it really was on of the hardest battles I ever had 
Anyway today I had no urges but I like the real I want to watch, like I want to watch it without the urge telling me to watch

Nah, your brain is normal. 
I'll share an interesting story (in my opinion) 
My son from when he was born had a small cough. Just a slight clearing of the throat approximately once an hour. Nothing that his teachers or friends noticed. Only my wife and sometimes me. After four years of running to dozens of doctors, they discovered a massive tumor in his chest, that was blocking one of his lungs. BH he's ok now but even once that was removed, he still had a cough. We again went to many many doctors to figure out why. I remembered that I had met a Doctor a while ago who was a specialist in pulmonary pediatrics and I called him and asked if he would see us. We drove an hour to his practice and after a long consultation, he told us a chiddush. Because he had been coughing for so long, his cough was really just a habit at this point and not actually any specific problem. He gave us some pointers and BH my son has a clean bill of health and no longer coughs at all. 

The point is, many of the behaviors we do, are really just bad habits and not actual illnesses or problems. Because we teach our brain that when we are stressed or anxious we can go watch something that soothes us, that eventually becomes something we do. It's not that we are wanting to watch porn or even enjoy it. It doesn't come from a place of happiness and joy. It's when we are feeling upset at something or just from years of bad habits, we run to P or to M. We know it isn't good for us and we know it doesn't actually cure the problem but because we are so used to it, it becomes the thing we run to. 
I would imagine you are a good jew in a lot of other areas, meaning that you don't have a problem with yiras shamayim. It has nothing to do with it. It's just a bad habit. When you look at it as a bad habit, you can look for ways to cure the need to run to P every time you feel like it. 
May Hashem guide you and give you strength to learn the new way of dealing with the urges and if you continue reaching out to many of the great tzadikim on this site, I am confident you can rid yourself of this burden very soon. 

With lots of love
Odyossefchai 

My friend R' Rocky. You are certainly not a lost cause. No more than I was before I started to win. It's often not about strong urges. As has been mentioned by wise men here, you probably don't have a strong lust problem any more than a stress management problem. When you feel down, or empty, or sad or lonely, your brain says "Porn can fix this, just like last time". Porn is the habit that you've gotten deeply ingrained in your psyche. But, like all habits, it can be unlearned. So don't get down on yourself, dust yourself off and let's kick this habit together.

I appreciate that kind words but I seriously don't deserve it This is clearly untrue.
Guys I'm sick and tired of this I always think I hit a low point but then I just get lower And if you don't do anything about it you will likely continue down that path, lower and lower. The good news is you are already doing something about it.
I've lost so much because of this I forget to do my plan(probably unconsciously I forget about it)
And then I have to fast and give a lot of money to tzdaka but I always forget about this until I fall and then I instantly remember about this shvua  The recommended way of making a shvua is to include that you will only do the knas if you remember the shvua and act out anyway. Otherwise it's just a punishment. The goal is not to punish yourself - that is not a helpful thing to do. The goal is to beef up the fences before the areas of challenge. If you did not do this properly, consider being matir neder on the shvua - this is a longer discussion that should be held with someone knowledgeable about the laws of oaths and the facts of the struggle.
Now that's of course not the worst part the worst part is that I can't trust myself I tell myself no matter what even when I don't have urges no phone in the bathroom and I still bring it in I've lost trust in who I am Who you are? I'll tell you who you are. You're someone fighting a battle 90% of the world has surrendered to. You're someone who has had some impressive major victories in the battle, but now may have suffered some exceedingly minor setbacks and has lost some ground. You're someone who is determined, resolute, and bold. You are a fighter.
And even if you're not. You can still win the fight. That wasn't a pump-up speech. Just an honest assessment.

I appreciate that kind words but I seriously don't deserve it
Guys I'm sick and tired of this I always think I hit a low point but then I just get lower 
I've lost so much because of this I forget to do my plan(probably unconsciously I forget about it)
And then I have to fast and give a lot of money to tzdaka but I always forget about this until I fall and then I instantly remember about this shvua 
Now that's of course not the worst part the worst part is that I can't trust myself I tell myself no matter what even when I don't have urges no phone in the bathroom and I still bring it in I've lost trust in who I am

I'm all ears