stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 07 Aug 2024 22:08:

Presuming that you want to fight, you need to prepare. 
Why don't you want to look?
What can you do to reinforce the why before and once you are in the makom nisayon?

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 07 Aug 2024 21:34:

please read the addendum to chapter 10 in the BOTG.  it will give you all the answers to the Yetzer hara

Hey, Shalom!! 

I’ve havent been around as much as I want to be, and missed a chance to give a warm welcome to a brave fighter.

Here’s a warm hand! Hope lives here! You can break free! 

Here’s a thought about some of what you’ve written:

I think it’s important to try to climb inside yourself and take a close look at what you really want.

When a guy is on the street and there’s something enjoyable to look at and thinks “I really want to look, but I know I shouldn’t do it”-  he doesn’t have such a great chance of fighting it off.

Because WANT is usually stronger than SHOULD. 

On the other hand, in a situation where a guy is faced with same “opportunity ”, but he says to himself “I really feel like looking, but it’s not what I really want”, he has a decent chance. Because WANT can be stronger than FEEL. He just has to learn how to deal with the urges, which isn’t simple, but can be done, if that’s what you want. (I will join here in encouraging you to read The Battle Of The Generation). 

How does looking or acting out make you feel? Is it bringing you joy or dissatisfaction? Does it bring you happiness? Is it something you want, except for the fact that you’re scared of Hashem and Gehenom? Or maybe you don’t really want it, just not sure how to master the urges? 

There’s a world of difference between the two…

You’re a fighter and a dreamer. Stay close to this holy place

תחזנה עינינו בשובך לציון

Looking forward to hearing from you ,
Chaim Oigen 

Thanks everyone for your kind words. The day isn't over yet (7:45 pm) to report a clean day but want to post this for accountability.
I spent a good over an hour searching for ways around my filter to find something enticing. I did find some soft soft core images but nothing I would count as a fail. At one point I almost ended up on some chat (which would have been a first) but it was taking too long and eventually I gave up and went to go eat supper. Thank god it didn't end with masturbation like it usually does.
I understand I want to be clean but there is something in me yearning for these stuff out there and I run after it. I don't know what to do something in me tells me stay good, stay clean. Another voice says live it up it's so good out there, give it a try at least. I am really mixed up with mixed emotions, I second doubt myself what is my real ratzon.
I know I mentioned this in the past and got very good answers but I still need to vent. As a bachur the physical battle is so hard as we have to shut off our sex drive our drive to look our drive to see until marriage. There isn't a time we can get it b'heter its just so hard!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know marriage has it own baggage and people may not like my vent but where I am right now it's murder. Looking at every women I can fantasizing.... Hellllllllllllllllllllllllpppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 08 Aug 2024 16:56:

Shalom Brother,
Your words made me wonder if perhaps this resource might help?

"the.guard" post=418570 date=1722958816 catid=1I strongly suggest the TaPHSiC method. app.guardyoureyes.com/toolbox/tools/the-taphsic-method

Hatzlacha!

Day 5 clean. Have a good shabbos. 

Day 6 Clean.

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 08 Aug 2024 16:56:

Hi SSSL, (love your name...)
I feel your pain.
You're a true fighter, you're amazing!!
I'm jealous of you that you're fixing your problems before you're married.
O how I wish I would have discovered GYE when I was a Bachur... (my longest clean streak as a Bachur was 3 months.)
Let me tell you something, you probably won't believe me:
My wife is Muttar for 2 weeks and Assur for 2 weeks. Sometimes Muttar for 5 months, sometimes Assur for 5 months!! Now guess when most of my falls happen?? When my wife is Muttar!!! It sounds crazy but it's true.
אבר קטן יש באדם, משביעו רעב, מרעיבו שבע
I used to think that a man needs sex/masturbation just like a hungry man needs to eat food. But now I know that this is not the reality. If a person doesn't eat, the hunger gets stronger and stronger, but if you don't masturbate, the urges become weaker and weaker... eventually they hardly come unless triggered by something you see (שמירת העניים is key..)...

My friend -  Keep fighting!! You will see tremendous סייעתא דשמיא in this battle and in everything you do!

Keep us posted,
Davening for you...

UpAndDown

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 08 Aug 2024 16:56:

Oy! Feeling your pain! 

One thing that important to understand - it pretty much impossible to maintain a ratzon to be clean while you are staring and lusting and fantasizing at women. 

If you are looking, then you are squarely in the grip of hot, sweaty lust. And if you are in lust mode, that brings up all sorts of unwholesome desires. You can white-knuckle your way to staying clean from P and M for a bit, but you’re not clean. And you won’t want to be. 

העינים רואות והלב חומד 
When you are looking and listing, your desires follow and you’re bound to lose motivation. 

So if you want to get serious about being clean, you have to be willing to take some serious steps towards Shmiras Enyaim, too. I don’t think one can work without the other.  

Of course, you have to want to make those changes, too. To desire to live without lust, not just to live without P and M. If you’re honest with yourself, that may be something to think seriously about….

But remember, a smart guy once said: 'Change will lead to insight far more often than insight will lead to change.' You may not be able to know how you’ll feel about it until you try. 

Here’s a warm hand, 
Chaim

I wish I had some advice for you, but all I can say is “wow”. I’m married now and I struggled tremendously as a bachur with porn and masturbation. You are so brave for even attempting to fix yourself! I wish I had your strength and your determination! I felt the exact same way that you did when I was a bachur. I feel you and I’m standing by your side cheering you on!!

Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom. It means a lot to me when you take your time to reply.
Day 7 Clean to masturbation. Its my longest streak since I joined and for a nice while. Thanks again for all your support.

Keep it up SSSL!!!

We're rooting for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With lots of brotherly love,
Muttel

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 12 Aug 2024 00:19:

MAZAL TOV on a week!!! Celebrate it! You earned it! (Ok, maybe not in the nine days...). 

Maybe now it's good to ask yourself,
what feelings do you feel about youself now?
Are you proud overcoming these challenges?! If yeah, why?
Why do you feel good about it? 
When you fall, you don't feel good. Is it just Jewish guilt or is it something bigger and better?!

BH you've reached a milestone. To be able to continue, one has to be real with themselves. The feelings are deep. It feels good. Because it feels good to live LIFE the way it meant to be lived.

This is the feeling of LIFE! 

KOT!

Feel free to reach out if you need clarification 

When I was a bachur in ey (less than a year ago - I'm making myself sound much older than I am lol), I would practice walking in the streets with my head down, not looking ahead more than a foot or two. This practice came with two benefits:
1. By the time something inappropriate caught my eye it was already to late to turn around and start staring. 
And 2. All those idiots that are always taking up the whole sidewalk and making you go around them Literally SCATTER out of the way of the deranged guy who's walking straight at them who looks like he has no idea where he's going.
I totally commiserate with your situation, I struggled with the same thing in my 2+ years in what they call the 'holy' land. At this point I feel like thats the only thing that's left that's actually holy...I always wished it was the winter already just so I wouldn't have to put up with all that the streets had to offer. But you should always remember that every time you look away is a very very choshuva thing.
So keep your head held high ( while looking down of course!!) and keep on trucking!! 
We're all rootin for ya!!
Inittowin.

Day 8 clean.
Everyone should have a easy and meaningful fast, and may we be zoche to build the beis hamikdash bekarov!