Update: Had a fall to porn and masturbation on sunday and another fall to masturbation on monday. I hope to move on.

Thank you to all you guys who gave and still give their precise time for advice and chuzuk!

Keep on fighting buddy! You got this Bezras Hashem!

Have you ever tried connecting by phone with anyone here on GYE? If not, try it. Very worth it!

Gut Moed! Cheering for you!

Today will mark day 4 clean to masturbation (and a bit more to porn).

I would like to set a goal for now to make it through the first week of the zman clean from masturbation. I hope to come back in a week from now with a good update.

Please wish me luck heading into the new zman, because I ain't too exited about it.

Have a good shabbos!

Sincerely,
A bachur struggling in Yerushalayim

May Hashemhelp you have an awesome zman of shteiging on all fronts with immense menuchas hanefesh.

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 01 Nov 2024 10:56:


I would recommend reaching out and shmoozing to the guys here. They have helped me fight the fight and win the battle. 
There's nothing like the human connection of talking to those people who have similar struggles. It takes the whole guilt and burden of your back. You aren't sick. You aren't ill. You aren't addicted. 
I am so grateful to these beautiful neshamos who have been true friends through this process. 

@odyossefchai I may not be sick, ill or addicted, I defiantly suck. Because under 2 hours after setting a weeks goal I fell to masturbation!

So today won't be day 4 clean.

I want to recommit to getting through the first week of the zman clean. If I come back in a week clean of masturbation I will iyh treat myself out (not sure with what yet).

Also starting mtz''sh I iyh will post for aacountability if I stimulated myself in the shower, which was what caused my fall today.

Good Shabbos!

PS I do speak to the amazing mentors and friends I made on the forum! I don't know what I would do without them!

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 01 Nov 2024 10:56:

Yet, you're still plodding forward, you haven't given up. You're still strategizing, fighting, setting goals, putting one foot in front of the other, even though it feels like you're taking going one step forward two steps backward. There's greatness in your fight not only when your victorious. Many people can fly high and succeed, but to continue to fight when you're not "feeling into it, is a lot harder, and is something most people can't do. It's a life skill that will serve you well further down the road in many areas of life. Keep going and inspiring with the knowledge that just because you've lost a battle, doesn't mean you've lost the war. You will overcome this beast, perhaps not today, or even in the near future, but we've got faith in you that you've got what it takes to win the long term war. Just keep doing what you're doing and you will see great things.

amevakesh wrote on 01 Nov 2024 14:10:

Thank you so much @amevakesh what chizuk to bring with me through shabbos. I wish I have a printer to print it out and haave it with me all shabbos to read!

Happy to report a self stimulation free shower!

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 01 Nov 2024 13:46:

The only thing you are sucking now is gadlus. It may taste bitter now because it's rough in the beginning, but iyh very soon it will be sweeter than all the sucking candies and pacifiers in the world.

Another self stimulation free shower!

Here I am poor like a pauper and rich like musk at the same time. I fell to masturbation after feeding my lust with not such kosher content. A big trigger was that I got around my filter and was able to watch some not good movies.

I called a dear friend after watching some content and we discussed how on my side I really need these movies both to entertain my boredom (yes, bochurim don't have much responsibilities and there can be a lot of boredom) and to feed my lust. I told him how I really am not ready to do it, like I don't have that inner-strength in me to do it. He told me he understands me and as a friend he will tell me that it isn't good for me and the right thing is to block the site.

But he had to go and I went back inside and watched a little more. I went in to the shower and let it all out. So this is why I am poor!

If your wondering why I call myself rich, after my shower I felt ready enough to block it (thanks to teva that we lose the taiva after masturbating). I contacted the filter and told them to block this site for everyone (I could have blocked it just for me but then at a time of need I can easily get it back opened). I am still waiting for them to respond and I can technically watch more but I think I can wait it out.

So I know that tomorrow or some time soon I will regret blocking this, but? I don't even know what the answer is to this.

From a dark place in Jerusalem,
StopSurvivingStartLiving

Hey friend! Have you considered webchaver? I find it's very helpful with regard to filter poking, adds an extra layer of security. For me one of the biggest struggles was knowing that I could fall, because my brain followed that with that I would fall. I found that webchaver removes the taiva to filter poke, which itself is a big relief.

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 04 Nov 2024 22:58:

What a bold step, you're an inspiration to me and everyone around here. Keep it up and keep us posted.

With love akiva 

Thank god I had a nice day. It felt really good that I was able to help someone today (nothing GYE related it just feels fulfilling). On top of that I spoke to yet another amazing GYE'er. Thanks to you and the rest of the family for being on my side.

From a dark room but light at heart in Yerushalayim,
SSSL