I don’t usually drink but I think I will take a swig in your honor as well!

Thank you. Maybe get yourself a schwarma as well.

Lchaim Tovim wrote on 30 Jun 2022 16:00:

Mazel Tov on 20! Even bigger mazel tov on the positive attitude - sometimes that's harder to do than getting through the days. Keep up the great work!
And if you get clarity in what you feel you've changed this time that's helping - please share.

I went boating with my wife for a few hours yesterday.

Knowing that I was entering the "lions den", I had been getting in touch with myself starting the night before reminding myself why I am doing this and psyching myself up so that I would be able to overcome the inevitable nisyonos that would be present. I also told myself that hopefully it would be a bit of teshuva for my past discretions.

BH I was 99.97% perfect and I just feel so happy that I was able to overcome. Looking back, I think I actually enjoyed this outing more than usual as I wasn't distracted and was able to really relax and experience the water and the time with my wife.

Before I went, I sprayed myself with sunscreen but unfortunately I missed one place and got a nasty sunburn. I've never been burnt there before and it's pretty painful. I got burnt on 
Karma? 

Zul Zein A Kapara

Yesterday, I went to the (Jewish) grocery to do my shopping for shabbos. In the past, this has been a major danger zone and I needed a battle plan.



I've experimented in the past with removing my glasses but I always have to put them back on to see what I am getting. I decided that I need something positive that I could focus my attention on. I put on my headphones, turned on some Carlebach and (in my head) danced through the store having a kumzitz-myself and G-d. 



 

Lchaim Tovim wrote on 05 Jul 2022 15:37:

This is so true!
When we're in the swamp, we don't even realize that we're just not enjoying life; we're constantly preoccupied searching for a sight to devour...

Kudos to you for being mindful and preparing yourself.

30 days BH BH BH!



Yesterday I want to the zoo with my family and knew there would be plenty to look at besides for the animals. Taking off my glasses and listening to something on my headphones was not an option.



I prepared myself mentally as best as I could and tried to be as focused as possible on giving my wife and kids a good time-being present and enjoying the outing with them.



I think the constant focus on my wife and kids helped me from focusing elsewhere despite the fact that there was temptation all around. It also helped that I kept on saying to myself "today is going to be day 30. I don't remember the last time I had 30 days clean but it wasn't within the past year. Don't mess it up...Don't mess it up. Yes, I see something out of the corner of my eye...Yes I got a glance of something and want to look again...But 30 days...I can't go back on the forum and restart my count." 

It's strange and it's getting me nervous.

While I have taken much stronger steps than I've ever taken before (I intend to post more about that) to be successful in battling this addiction, It's never gone as easy for me in the past as it is going this time around.

​I guess I should be thankful, but I'm not...just worried...

My first four months I was waiting for the urge tsunami. Bh it never came and I stopped looking over my shoulder

Amen Brother. I hope I'll be able to say the same.





In the past the "urge tsunami" (love the shprach) was overwhelming but it's possible I was also to focused on the urges versus riding the waves.

*edit* I just came across this line from Dov and this is what I meant when I said I was to focused on the urges. "So if somebody is seeing sex everywhere he sees a woman, perhaps the thing they need to do is stop thinking about tikun habris, tzniyus, shmiras einayim, and the yetzer hora all day long.  Nothing causes obsessing about sex like - obsessing about not thinking about sex." 

Been getting a lot of chizuk from Amber Heard recently.

I don't follow pop culture or watch most movies anymore but I did hear a good bit about her trial exposing what went on in their marriage..

I keep thinking about how the allure these folks had/have over me and my life is such a sham and that it's all one big facade behind the glitz and the glamour and the  fake smiles.

​Gotta remember this in the fight and Never back Down.

Lchaim Tovim wrote on 11 Jul 2022 16:54:

This is so relatable! I was in a similar situation recently.
The feeling of triumph I experienced after completing the "obstacle course" (as I like to view these challenges) was far superior to any sights I could've enjoyed that day.

Keep Up The Great Work! (See? I learned how to spell that out.)

32= Lev. The heart that I'm trying to use for the right thing.

Song I've been listening to today...

The whole world has gone crazy
You can see it everywhere
Every time I flip the station
Every time I smell the air

But there’s a man on the inside
Just waiting to be released
Sometimes I cannot find him
And sometimes he finds me

I’m not giving up on you…I still believe

I was talking to an old friend
Who lost all sense of pride
He’d been in and out of prison
The prison in his mind

I said maybe I could help you
Try and find the key
Then I realized I was talking
to the prisoner in me

I’m not giving up on you…I still believe

I had a dream that I was flying
I had a dream that I was free
And the whole world below me
Slowly disappeared

Everything was perfect
Yet still I needed more
Then I woke up from the nightmare
and stepped outside the door

I’m not giving up on you…I still believe

33 days, I can’t remember the last time I made it this far.


Some of the things I’ve been doing differently this time around are…


No more LinkedIn App. This is very hard as I directly make money from it but I see I don’t have a choice.


App Store is now locked so no more access to Twitter which is an absolute cesspool, and various other “innocent” and “innocuous” apps. Honestly, the App Store itself is pretty bad.


I also realize that browsing the news and listening to various podcasts has been detrimental to me as well. Some of the news/hosts is not to great for me to listen to and I usually feel down afterwards which is not good either.


All of this has been very difficult for me but to quote Cordnoy (who has completely changed my perspective on loving the wife but that’s a conversation for a different time) “The right thin’ to do and the hard thin’ to do are usually the same”

Lchaim Tovim wrote on 23 Jun 2022 01:44:

Yes, totally legit