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My Journey L'chaim Tovim
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TOPIC: My Journey L'chaim Tovim 8542 Views

Re: My Journey L'chaim Tovim 01 Aug 2022 16:19 #384198

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Lchaim Tovim wrote on 01 Aug 2022 15:40:
I've spent the past couple of days thinking reflecting  and trying to process everything.

From the time I was a kid even before puberty, I was extremely sexual. Everywhere I went there were triggers.

​I guess the reason why I took such an extreme fighting approach was that I was trying to combat my hyper-sexuality. Trying to avoid any situation where I might be triggered. Trying to avoid being tempted. Trying to fight my feelings.

I'm not going to be able to go through the rest of my life not seeing anything I shouldn't though obviously  there are certain places I shouldn't be going both in real life and virtually.

I think I have to accept the fact that I feel certain desires and learn how to deal with my feelings. It's not so much what I feel but how I deal with what I feel. If I saw something and now want to take a second look or more, I have to learn to not take that next step. If i did take another look, I don't have to think about it afterwards and fantasize or relive what I saw. If I'm turned on, that's ok, let those feelings wash over me, I don't need to take it to the next step.

Does what i'm saying make any sense?

If I can do this successfully (though I'm not sure exactly how), I hopefully won't get into the much bigger problems and red lines.

​The other night I went into bed with my wife and got extremely turned on but I knew nothing was happening. Instead of having sex with myself, I tried reading the white book. i couldn't concentrate so I just lay there telling myself, it's ok to feel this way, it will pass, trying to envision waves washing over me and eventually it did.

Everything you wrote makes a lot of sense to me...
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guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: My Journey L'chaim Tovim 01 Aug 2022 17:31 #384201

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frank.lee wrote on 31 Jul 2022 00:53:
Can you clarify, to us or to yourself in case it is not already clear, what are you stressed about for vacation?

sure. Girls (jewish and non jewish), bathing suits, daisy dukes bikinis on top, and more (don't want to get to explicit), all day every day
Last Edit: 01 Aug 2022 17:32 by lchaim tovim.

Re: My Journey L'chaim Tovim 01 Aug 2022 17:46 #384205

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ouch! why are you going there?
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: My Journey L'chaim Tovim 01 Aug 2022 17:57 #384206

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Vehkam wrote on 01 Aug 2022 17:46:
ouch! why are you going there?

Trust me, this is one of the safer (more kosher) places to go and is very popular by the frum oilam. Unfortunately, this is just the reality of most places during the summer. it could be that most people don't notice all this but g-d gave me a super sensitive radar system

Re: My Journey L'chaim Tovim 01 Aug 2022 17:58 #384207

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First of all , you brought back some memories with that song reference..... Thank you....
Secondly, From reading your posts, it seems like we might share some of the ssme issues. I can tell you from my experience, the hardest thing was and still is deciding that i CANNOT and WILLNOT go to a lot of places where others have no issue going. 
Of course i would love to go to a beach resort any day of the week, or course i would enjoy going to a water park! But long decided that wouldn't be able to live with myself and be honest to God by going anywhere i know there will be crazy triggers that i will not be able to overlook or ignore. 
So i find nice places where there hopefully no triggers and i pray there shouldn't be and i do whatever i can to avoid them. Why make it harder on yourself? For example, i had to fly a few weeks ago and i knew itll be hard for me, i took off my contacts and wore glasses even thought everyone asked me what happened, i didn't answer anyone, it was still very hard but was able to take off the glasses now and then and walked blissfully in an airport in middle of the summer with lost of scantily clad women, it was such a liberating feeling! I sometime wish i can do that all the time. 
So i sincerely hope you thought this thru and you put the safeguards in place before going on this trip. If not, you still have time to make changes. Remember, you are doing yourself the biggest favor in the worlds! 

Re: My Journey L'chaim Tovim 01 Aug 2022 18:04 #384208

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I'm not talking about going to the beach or even the pool which I will not go to this time around.

This is in the hotel lobby and hallways, amusement parks, farms and other attractions

This is why I am starting to feel that I can't just avoid everything, need to learn to live with this.
Last Edit: 01 Aug 2022 18:06 by lchaim tovim.

Re: My Journey L'chaim Tovim 01 Aug 2022 18:36 #384211

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Lchaim Tovim wrote on 01 Aug 2022 18:04:
I'm not talking about going to the beach or even the pool which I will not go to this time around.

This is in the hotel lobby and hallways, amusement parks, farms and other attractions

This is why I am starting to feel that I can't just avoid everything, need to learn to live with this.

for sure. that is definitely doable! one of the important things is to make sure that you know what to expect and how you want to react.  The hardest challenges are when you are caught by surprise.  
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: My Journey L'chaim Tovim 01 Aug 2022 19:39 #384212

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Ok thats a start.....
I usually go to a private house or to a very quite hotel. 
​Hotels are very triggering for me its not worth it for me. 
The best is a private villa or a hotel off the beaten path. If i may ask where are  you going to? i can give you some ideas. 

Re: My Journey L'chaim Tovim 01 Aug 2022 19:49 #384215

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Vehkam wrote on 01 Aug 2022 18:36:

Lchaim Tovim wrote on 01 Aug 2022 18:04:
I'm not talking about going to the beach or even the pool which I will not go to this time around.

This is in the hotel lobby and hallways, amusement parks, farms and other attractions

This is why I am starting to feel that I can't just avoid everything, need to learn to live with this.


for sure. that is definitely doable! one of the important things is to make sure that you know what to expect and how you want to react.  The hardest challenges are when you are caught by surprise.  

personally, lct, as we spoke on the phone, i think that all this planning and obsessing is wrong for you - at this time. you're going to a place where there are triggers and challenges - deal with it! you wanna walk in lobby and beach w/o your glasses, fine, decide that now and move the hell on! you wanna walk in hallway directly behind your wife holding on to her backside, also fine! wanna hang the white book on your bedpost, the bee gees' book on the bathroom towel rack and chayei olam on the fridge, so be it! for extra precaution, have the numbers from some of the fellows here on speed dial and use accordingly. [if i'm one of them, i'll answer only if you send pictures first.] now, get on with life!
i'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

if you're looking for trouble, you can email me @trouble69gye@outlook.com

Re: My Journey L'chaim Tovim 01 Aug 2022 20:16 #384217

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Ok thats a start.....
I usually go to a private house or to a very quite hotel. 

​Hotels are very triggering for me its not worth it for me. 

The best is a private villa or a hotel off the beaten path. If i may ask where are  you going to? i can give you some ideas. 


Thanx. Nothings changing...reservations are made..
Last Edit: 01 Aug 2022 20:23 by lchaim tovim.

Re: My Journey L'chaim Tovim 01 Aug 2022 20:20 #384219

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 personally, lct, as we spoke on the phone, i think that all this planning and obsessing is wrong for you - at this time. you're going to a place where there are triggers and challenges - deal with it! you wanna walk in lobby and beach w/o your glasses, fine, decide that now and move the hell on! you wanna walk in hallway directly behind your wife holding on to her backside, also fine! wanna hang the white book on your bedpost, the bee gees' book on the bathroom towel rack and chayei olam on the fridge, so be it!


I'm confused, I'm trying not to obsess plan etc. Just tryna breathe in and out  and learn to let go.


for extra precaution, have the numbers from some of the fellows here on speed dial and use accordingly. [if i'm one of them, i'll answer only if you send pictures first.] now, get on with life!


I think that's blckmail but if the only was is with pix...A mans gotta do what a mans gotta do
Last Edit: 01 Aug 2022 20:22 by lchaim tovim.

Re: My Journey L'chaim Tovim 01 Aug 2022 20:36 #384222

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Lchaim Tovim wrote on 01 Aug 2022 20:20:


 personally, lct, as we spoke on the phone, i think that all this planning and obsessing is wrong for you - at this time. you're going to a place where there are triggers and challenges - deal with it! you wanna walk in lobby and beach w/o your glasses, fine, decide that now and move the hell on! you wanna walk in hallway directly behind your wife holding on to her backside, also fine! wanna hang the white book on your bedpost, the bee gees' book on the bathroom towel rack and chayei olam on the fridge, so be it!


I'm confused, I'm trying not to obsess plan etc. Just tryna breathe in and out  and learn to let go.




breathing in and out does not involve posting here over and over; enjoy the bahamas! [try the duck tacos at the baha mar!]
i'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

if you're looking for trouble, you can email me @trouble69gye@outlook.com

Re: My Journey L'chaim Tovim 01 Aug 2022 20:51 #384223

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I have no idea what youre trying to say. I post cuz i try to make sense of the maze that is my brain.

I could get behind the idea of not obsessing and planning. but You write "you're going to a place where there are triggers and challenges - deal with it!" "Decide now and move the hell on"

This is exactly what I am trying to learn, how do I deal with it? How do I move on?  By pretending it doesn't exist till is slaps me upside the face? 

Do F2F over the next six weeks? Great but what about tomorrow, Heck, what about tonight?

Re: My Journey L'chaim Tovim 01 Aug 2022 20:56 #384224

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Lchaim Tovim wrote on 01 Aug 2022 20:51:
I have no idea what youre trying to say. I post cuz i try to make sense of the maze that is my brain.

I could get behind the idea of not obsessing and planning. but You write "you're going to a place where there are triggers and challenges - deal with it!" "Decide now and move the hell on"

This is exactly what I am trying to learn, how do I deal with it? How do I move on?  By pretending it doesn't exist till is slaps me upside the face? 

Do F2F over the next six weeks? Great but what about tomorrow, Heck, what about tonight?

guess it's time for another call.......
i'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

if you're looking for trouble, you can email me @trouble69gye@outlook.com

Re: My Journey L'chaim Tovim 01 Aug 2022 22:11 #384227

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Trouble wrote on 01 Aug 2022 20:56:

Lchaim Tovim wrote on 01 Aug 2022 20:51:
I have no idea what youre trying to say. I post cuz i try to make sense of the maze that is my brain.

I could get behind the idea of not obsessing and planning. but You write "you're going to a place where there are triggers and challenges - deal with it!" "Decide now and move the hell on"

This is exactly what I am trying to learn, how do I deal with it? How do I move on?  By pretending it doesn't exist till is slaps me upside the face? 

Do F2F over the next six weeks? Great but what about tomorrow, Heck, what about tonight?

guess it's time for another call.......

Nu....
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