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Kavey's Journey
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Kavey's Journey 3373 Views

Re: Kavey's Journey 26 Jul 2022 17:38 #383949

  • lchaim tovim
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56-62 days no hear from you?



What's going on? I started my 90 day journey a bit behind you and you've been a big help!

Re: Kavey's Journey 26 Jul 2022 17:49 #383952

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You got it

Day 62

Started heavy work on intimacy issues with HHM and therapist. Trying to go off the deep end in terms of 'her wants' vs 'my needs' and also working on the emotional connection.

Not easy.

Re: Kavey's Journey 26 Jul 2022 19:23 #383962

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Kavey wrote on 26 Jul 2022 17:49:
You got it

Day 62

Started heavy work on intimacy issues with HHM and therapist. Trying to go off the deep end in terms of 'her wants' vs 'my needs' and also working on the emotional connection.

Not easy.

Wow, that's heavy stuff. Hatzlocha, I hope I didn't open a can of worms...

Re: Kavey's Journey 29 Jul 2022 03:33 #384089

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Seeing your thread now.
Dude you legit rock.
You keep a cheshbon ha nefesh diary? Wow- you’re my hero man.

Keep shteiging, keep in touch. Always!

yeshivaguy

Re: Kavey's Journey 29 Jul 2022 03:40 #384091

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Lchaim Tovim wrote on 26 Jul 2022 19:23:

Kavey wrote on 26 Jul 2022 17:49:
You got it

Day 62

Started heavy work on intimacy issues with HHM and therapist. Trying to go off the deep end in terms of 'her wants' vs 'my needs' and also working on the emotional connection.

Not easy.

Wow, that's heavy stuff. Hatzlocha, I hope I didn't open a can of worms...

Not so heavy I think. I think it's related to Mikva Edition #29 though I haven't the ziss fleish to read through that one. The hard part is that it really feels like you're rewiring your brain.
Last Edit: 29 Jul 2022 03:50 by kavey.

Re: Kavey's Journey 29 Jul 2022 03:51 #384092

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 29 Jul 2022 03:33:
Seeing your thread now.
Dude you legit rock.
You keep a cheshbon ha nefesh diary? Wow- you’re my hero man.

Keep shteiging, keep in touch. Always!

yeshivaguy

It really works wonders for me. Though I think it's less intense than people think, just recording my thoughts about things I've been struggling with.

Re: Kavey's Journey 29 Jul 2022 14:38 #384108

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Kavey wrote on 29 Jul 2022 03:40:

Lchaim Tovim wrote on 26 Jul 2022 19:23:

Kavey wrote on 26 Jul 2022 17:49:
You got it

Day 62

Started heavy work on intimacy issues with HHM and therapist. Trying to go off the deep end in terms of 'her wants' vs 'my needs' and also working on the emotional connection.

Not easy.

Wow, that's heavy stuff. Hatzlocha, I hope I didn't open a can of worms...

Not so heavy I think. I think it's related to Mikva Edition #29 though I haven't the ziss fleish to read through that one. The hard part is that it really feels like you're rewiring your brain.

I'm working on that as well. It's interesting, when it comes to my wife, I feel like I'm doing internal work, trying to change my perspective and feelings. I highly recommend reading that thread completely. It really opened my eyes.

Re: Kavey's Journey 15 Aug 2022 17:16 #384711

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Day 82

Stress and confusion over the weekend that I wasn't able to resolve and I think I get the message. Early in my journey I had some real crying sessions particularly one Shabbos early on with my Tallis over my face and during Kel Adon, silent sobs to the Master of the World.

But since then my davening has been off. I think I get the message. Time to daven. Hashem wants me back.
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: Kavey's Journey 16 Aug 2022 13:54 #384728

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Day 83

I think a crucial difference between this time and other times that I've tried to deepen my connection to the Ribono Shel Olam and work on my Bitachon is that other times I would ultimately experience some cognitive dissonance from not closing my laptop and learning all day. Where is my trust in the Ribono Shel Olam? I would be asking myself.

This journey has opened my eyes to the reality that I don't live in a house with roommates in a mutually beneficial relationship but rather I have a wife and kids. Life decisions that we make truly have to be holistic. And unless it's crystal clear that sitting and learning all day is what's best for my family right now then I feel confident that it's Ratzon Hashem that I stay the course.

And there is a lot of room for Bitachon in the workplace.

- Kavey

Re: Kavey's Journey 26 Aug 2022 15:15 #385180

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Day 93

It definitely feels good. More to say but here's what I sent to GYE about my journey:

Briefly what worked for me:

Hitting a rock bottom where I knew I needed help and fast 

Therapy and encouragement by my therapist to really spend time on the forum

Initially focusing all my energy on the fight. Lots of exercise and lots of time on the forum. Also lots of time processing what I read and trying to formulate my own view.

Leveraging the stability from not running after my taavos to improve other areas in my life 

With help from a GYE mentor (HHM) trying to change my outlook on sex and intimacy and learning how to prepare for vulnerable situations like business travel.

Have a good Shabbos!

Re: Kavey's Journey 31 Aug 2022 00:23 #385331

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Day 98

Been thinking about relationship with wife. I heard from Rav Pincus that people who leave their home's for a week at a time to learn day and night (as he himself did at one point), don't just leave their wife hanging. Rather they are able to inspire their wives to such an extent  (saying things like all my Torah is yours etc.) that the inspiration lasts the whole week and the separation is that much easier that the wife doesn't really miss the husband and feel like she's left hanging.

I think that's the true pshat in the story of Rabbi Akiva leaving for 24 years. When he came back after 12 years, he realized that there was more depth to the connection he had created with his wife so went back for 12 more years. Really flips the script on the whole story IMO.

For me at my level it just reinforces the idea that we don't exist in a vacuum and we have to take our spouses/families with us on any life decisions.

Re: Kavey's Journey 27 Oct 2022 13:29 #386831

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Day 155

Still going strong, had a slip yesterday looking at some Wikipedia pages as a reminder that "Lapesach Chatas Rovetz".

Been feeling down and that always makes me want to look for escapes. The body wants what it wants and what it knows.

It's amazing though the tools we have. We have the ability with Hashem's help to sit and not follow our yetzer. We also have the ability with Hashem's help to realize that struggling is good and doesn't have to lead to frustration.

p.s. if we're being honest with ourselves we also have the ability with Hashem's help to hold on to our streak for dear life #motivation
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