I'm not saying you need a clinical diagnosis one way or another.

But in general there seems to be 2 approaches. One is the addict approach which says my life is unmanageable and I'm powerless over it. And come to recognize that even the slightest hint of anything would be dangerous for me. And I submit to hashem to help me with this and I take baby steps One Day at a time. Once an addict always an addict. It's something that is with me for life.

The other approach says that I have the power to overcome this challenge. It is possible for me to succeed at this. I will succeed at this using my power and tools available to me. Of course some of those tools include minimizing exposure to temptation. But it's not that I am powerless over my temptation and can only hope that I will not fail. Rather I am confident that it's something I can overcome. Eventually as I get a handle on this area of my life it will fall to the back burner and be on autopilot.

Interesting and definitely food for thought. I guess I get caught up in the definitions. It definitely seems like a continuum. On the one extreme we have the guy whose story was posted where the psychiatrist was thinking of prescribing drugs generally given to rapists etc, while on the other hand we have the user bardichev who seems to have fallen, did the right things and went on his merry way.

I think I'm somewhere in the middle. I know that I've tasted the forbidden fruit for a long time, and that I'm one of the curious ones and that there are life/work stresses in my life that could drive me to the above mentioned fruit.

On the other hand in this short time on this site I've had my eyes really opened to certain very important attitudinal changes like the idea that sex with your wife is optional/earned not a right or that urges come in waves.

These give me hope.

All that being said, at least at this point I believe that the idea I hang up my weapons is the day I fall at least based on prior experience. My prior post was me saying that I think there is room to wake up in the morning, say 'modeh ani' and thank the Creator for another day of fighting the YH, with this being a lifelong perspective. Not sure how much long term it goes on the back burner but definitely should be up there in my top goals...for the rest of my life.

Kavey wrote on 10 Jun 2022 17:36:

Don’t forget the end of that - rabba emunasecha - hashem, your faith in ME is great…

Vehkam wrote on 10 Jun 2022 17:44:

Wow, you made my day

There’s a thread with a lot of insight that you may find helpful. Check it out! It’s the last link in my signature

yechielmichel wrote on 10 Jun 2022 14:16:

Very well written.

Shtarkandemotional wrote on 10 Jun 2022 19:13:

Thanks!

Day 19

Was traveling today and lots on non-tznius around. Realized that with prescription glasses the problem lessens when they are off. It was worth the squinting.

Day 21

Was traveling home by plane last night and got to thinking...why should I care? I'm tired of 'doing what Hashem wants'. Maybe I should just look at other people's screens.

This happened to me before in the past and usually signifies a weakening in resolve. However this time, I caught myself and said 'you're emotionally and physically tired from running around the past few days and need to relax'. So I went and got a coke from the galley, played some silly games on the screen and slept as much as I could in an economy seat.Woke up feeling much better and amazed that I can reinvigorate myself with the proper self care.

This is a huge lesson. 90% of the time when I don't want to work on my Yiddishkeit it is because I am tired/hungry/worn down. Taking the sails down for a few hours and recharging can totally change the game. Thanks for sharing, hatzlacha!

Kavey wrote on 13 Jun 2022 15:11:

That takes a lot of Strength, but really what it means that you decided I’m not interested or looking for that thing, its major.

BTW flying is my nightmare, the airport, the seating, the siting with all types of people, and on top of that, no routine, tired, hungry, exhausted,

It’s always my dream do fly and go on like lust doesn’t exists in me.

No Mask wrote on 15 Jun 2022 19:57:

That makes alot of sense, flying is a time where your faced with pritzus from the outside, and stress etc from the inside... and it's good to be prepared for that.
I would just take out the nightmare part, how about facing it, accepting it, and knowing you have the strength to live with your urges without giving in? Its uncomfortable, and we can still be okay, what do you think? (At least a dream I can currently look forward to...)

i find that if i reserve a window seat and wear noise cancelling headphones, listen to the daf and then music when i get tired, i generally won't have any issues. i fly alot. i used to watch movies. once i got into the daf i don't really have time for the movies so it is bh not really an option. i try to be enveloped in my own world... do the same thing on the train when i go into the city....

There is a saying "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail".  Any time one has to go to the airport or stay alone in a hotel, it is very beneficial to plan in advance with a chaver how to deal with the various issues that come up. What do i keep busy with in the airport? (And if you are not a masmid, a sefer may not be the best choice - better to bring something you enjoy and can distract yourself with). How do i deal with the airplane if the seating causes triggers? What do i do with that big unrestricted TV monitor in my hotel room? How do i relieve stress when away from home/wife?    Those who plan in advance, besides setting up practical gedarim and protections, also are more mentally prepared for an imperfect situation - and won't panic and throw in the towel.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 16 Jun 2022 11:25:

Thanks. I've tried "planning" at different points with the Rav of my shul but I feel like he doesn't really get how at risk I am. There's a post where Dov says when you open up to someone it really has to be with the gory details and I think that was missing.
I'm not quite there yet in terms of asking for a mentor/partner from the site but am getting there and will probably follow Dov's advice.