Im glad to hear that suffering together makes it easier for you, it helped me too. 
thank you. 

chancy wrote on 29 Nov 2022 16:05:

Not so much the suffering together… more the fighting together! I know you two have it much harder then me and your both so strong and are fighting the fight so well I can’t be a loser I gotta fight too! Thx so much for posting last night… bh I didn’t do anything (else) from after my post…

I disassociated, my brain does that when my emotions are too overwhelming and i cant function. Basically my emotions are turned off (my negative emotions) I cant feel any of my 5 yr old feelings right now. Problem is, when i disassociate from my feelings i become what Pete Walker calls a "human doing" i need to be stimulated 24/7 in order to feel alive. I'm always up and ready to do. Its nice because it feels good to not have negative feelings and be so outgoing and exciting, but since i need to be stimulated 24/7, whenever im not stimulated i get turned on. I go straight to anything sexual. Even being on GYE makes me turned on. Im a little lost. And yes my streak doesn't make a difference to me because i feel like im on day 1 sexually. ( Im turned on the whole day)\

Lets see hoe long i can last! If i last till 110 days I'm going to buy tickets for a vaca to Florida. Yes its that hard. No amount of days makes my needing to be stimulated constantly go away, so it will be really hard.

Basically to explain it better, my sexual feelings are not the result of pleasure or desire. They are a result of needing constant stimulation. If im stimulated from morning to night i will be ok. If i go near anything that turns me on when im not stimulated---my bosy needs to be stimulated to feel alive.   I WILL GET TO MY VACA TO FLORIDA. (only the thought of exciting stimulation can make me avoid porn/masturbating in this state

96. IM already feeling a little more of my emotions. And a little less interest in going to Florida. But I'm still clean. That's what counts.

98.

Human being wrote on 02 Dec 2022 09:05:

I See You Hit Day 100! proud of you!! KEEP IT UP   

Thank you so much @emes a yid!    

1 hundo'   boyz!!!!

Human being wrote on 04 Dec 2022 04:57:

Now you're talking buddy!! Keep on driving that fast lane!!

Mazel Tov on 100. Keep it up tzaddik, and keep inspiring with thought provoking posts.

107. Thank you Hashem. I was ruminating about how my siblings are nice in appearance this Shabbos. I then had a profound thought. Look how beautiful lives we can have when the only people who we care about "rating" are our family. I was thinking to myself, imagine I walked outside evaluating how everyone passing by looked, spoke, made me feel. How are they dressed? does there face have nice features? Tall short, I was thinking. Wow thank you Hashem that I'm living a life as someone who has so so so much more time then the world around me because I don't spend half my day on my sexual desires. TYH

108. my worst day since I started my count. I have to pick myself up. i spent the last hour sexualized browsing. Im making a new count for myself of sexualized browsing /content. 
Ok today is day 0. I will beezras hasem get to 90

108.
No sexual browsing or content. (Newspapers etc..) Day 1

109 I have such a tiava to do sexualized browsing. But I will absolutely not. I cant. I will not tonight.

Damn. i gave in to my desire to sexually browse. Of course didn't get me anywhere. This is the second time in 2 days doing this. I cant use my computer past night Seder anymore. done. period. over. Even if i cant get myself to sleep. Even if I'm bored as hell. i just cant. that's step 1. ok, beezras Hashem next Monday night will be day 7 of not lusting. (even if its not porn or masturbating. I'm going to buy myself a prize when i reach day 3.

What i mean by sexually browse is, there are 2 reasons i look for "content" 1) I'm turned on, or want to get turned on to distract myself from some sort of pain/feeling. 2) boredom. When i sexually browse because I'm bored, i don't even look at the content I'm browsing through for more then a second. I just follow link after link of things which are interesting sexually, to give me a little relief from feeling shbshsbshsbshb from doing nothing.  In that case, it usually turns into lust, but bh it hasn't yet the past few days, because I'm not addicted as i was before. But i must be honest with myself. Eventually it will turn to lust. I have to stop being in a position that i feel better browsing through crap at a computer, then doing a normal schedule of the day. I will be taking a 3 day brake from computers and internet. I got to get back on track. No computer till Friday. Sorry Hashem/tatty/aba. Thursday night I fress sushi for my prize.  Moving forward.

Hatzlacha! You got this buddy!