For goodness sake how else are you supposed to describe yourself!

I think I meant more figuratively.

I say this because from what I read, distraction from ones desire or urge is a method used.
Hence a distraction from ones own self and desires to focus on something else.

The concept of "staying away from bad and then doing good" (transliteration-sur maira, veasei tov)
I think would be in a sense applicable.
One must first remove the bad, (the focus should be removing the bad) then focus on doing good.

It's been a while since I posted.
But I'm back to update the overly inquisitive.

It's a been a tough week
I find it difficult to share another fall
but I have to share the bad and the good in my journey.

I took the past few days to once again,
reflect how I messed up,
what I can fix,
to fight or not to fight
Is this a fight I want to win
If yes..
how to proceed.
.
So today I am counting day 1
I chose to fight.

Wishing you all a great rest of the day.

Will share more details of the plan when I can.

Zedj wrote on 25 Nov 2020 19:10:

It may be very difficult to remove the bad if you don't focus on including more good at the same time. we need to fight with positive action as well for two reasons. one is that it just makes it easier because we are fighting from two angles. The second is that we need to focus on the good in ourselves and the positivity of what we are trying to do otherwise we will loose interest. It's very difficult to accomplished with just refraining, it's important to always be "doing" at the same time.

I think that you have the right understanding of this concept, just that something like a productive distraction can be aseh tov while trying to abstain without any distraction at all (or perhaps with an unproductive one) is just sur meirah. The more we increase positive actions in our day the better we will feel and the easier the fight will be. Here is a video from Rabbi YY Jacobson about this concept. 

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup

Day 3

Starting again isn't easy but I know I can pull this off.
Time and patience is key.

Reminder to myself: one day at a time.

To share what I learnt today on the Parshah:

Unlike Avraham and Yitzchok, all of Yaakov's children lived a Torah life, serving Hashem.

Avraham bore Yishmoel and Yitzchok bore Eisov as we know, they did not live a Torah life.

Yaakov grew up in a place where serving Hashem was easy. But before yaakov would be able to start the Jewish nation, he had to go to Choron (destruction), a place serving Hashem and living a Torah life was no easy feat.
It was required of yaakov to go to a place that lacked godliness, a place that undermined serving Hashem.
A place of much difficulty.
Specifically through this fashion (a way of concealment and difficulty) that enabled yaakov to establish the Jewish nation.

The lesson: It is specifically through overcoming a difficulty which one may have in serving Hashem that he will be able to establish a strong Jewish home.


It is so difficult, so difficult.
I wouldn't describe myself as emotional
But some times I feel I got this, I'm in control...other times I know I'm weak and not in control at all . Yes I have a filter and a plan in place but this fight I feel, there is a breaking point where I break down, I submit myself to hashem and plead:
Only you Hashem can help me overcome the urges, desires, fantasies and lust only you.
Oh hashem, help me fight, help me.

4 days clean

I know it is a early on the day
But I don't want to forget to post before shabbos.

Wishing you all the best.
Good shabbos

Day 5 


To sum up the last few months....
about a month before sukkos, I, finally after so many years of useing, decided it was enough. 

(Although I'm sure you'all already know I said "enough" hundreds if not thousands of times)

  I realized this life isn't right, this is not my future, I cannot live a life that is contrary to my core beliefs of living a Torah true life. 

The worst part was if I watched, then right after i had to daven mincha or maariv or sometimes even before shachris. It never was a good feeling.

  I would ask myself how is it possible to live both extremes? You can't live a life of lies and live a life of truth at the same time. 

the scariest thought for me was and is..how am I supposed to date or get married to someone (it's on the table in the next year or 2) while I am useing? How can I build a kosher home this way? 

So after falling so low watching/useing almost nightly, with sleepless nights it was time.
The question was, where do I turn to?

I started googling a around and found a number to a chabad run drug/addiction rehabilitation center and emailed them.
It was my first time reaching out.

  It was extremely difficult for me but I made the phone call. I had to, for me this was the beginning of my break free moment.

  I was suggested gye and a few other sites. The rest is history. 

I never thought I would I would have the power to get a filter,
I never thought I would be able to delete
Movie apps (More then a few)
Facebook
Instagram 
Twitter. 
I don't know if this is premature but..

I would never be able to get this far if not for the incredible chizuk everyone gives one another.
And thank you @HHM for always being there.

  I truly believe I made tremendous progress only bc of gye. 

The fight is long from over As I'm only on day 5. the far from over journey begins again. 


“That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind” 

Wish you all the best.      
Gut voch

6 days clean



Today I discovered all the shiurim and audio classes on gye. Im listening to one now and plan to listen to more when I can.



Here is a link for those that don't know yet.
I hope it works for you guys

guardyoureyes.com/tools/kosher-isle/frontpage/1

Any other pages that I should know about?
Please share them. Thank you

7 days clean.


*Patting myself on the back*

After cutting back on alot of apps, I am alot happier.

But I still have access to youtube it's filtered but I still need to be careful.
I mainly watch news.
If you guys don't follow the news, there 2 things to know
1-Trust in Hashem
2- this world is a dark place and we need moshiach.


I have also lately been spending alot more time on gye, I guess it is one of my outlets now.


Reminder to all: One day at a time.

All the best





[spoiler][/spoiler]

Zedj wrote on 01 Dec 2020 04:54:

I thing this holds true even if you do watch the news  .

Congrads on a week!

This is true.

There is so much darkness in this world.

"I can't light the world but I can brighten my path."
(Disclaimer: A middle of the night quote)

Right now gye is my flashlight.

8 days clean




The number 7 represents nature.

The number 8 represents above nature.


Who's getting high with me??
Anyone else vibeing?

All the best

Zedj wrote on 01 Dec 2020 07:28:

The pure light of one tzaddik named Zedj lights up a lot of darkness.

Zedj

Well done for your clean streak.

Porn is like sugary fast food...gives a quick fix and a temporary end to the hunger, but you soon get hungry again because you want more and more.

Instead, feed your soul with home-cooked more nutritious food.

Take things day by day, and enjoy yourself.
Do something each day that you enjoy, which is Kosher of course, but enjoyable.

Focus on that...living and enjoying life.

Try walking, exercise, reading, seeing friends (when Covid allows), painting, studying, davening etc.

I would so love a home

cooked meal right now!

[spoiler][/spoiler]