Zedj wrote on 13 Nov 2020 03:36:

שהחיינו וקיימנו והגיענו לזמן הזה!

Getting a filter on ALL my devices was the best decision of my life! After so many years of struggle it was a game changer. 

The truth is - after so many year I finally HAD enough self control to say I want to be clean and get a filter to stay safe! 

Keep up the great work!!

I also used to think i want those 'urges' so that i can prove myself, untill i realised, dont we daven every day not to be in a situation of nisayon? and dont chazal tell us a number of times that in theese areas we need the most gedarim. the greatest amoraim stumbled when placed in front of high temptation, i don't quiet class myself better than them!
I do have filters & one thing i can say for sure that if placed in front of un unfiltered device i don't belive i could withhold the temptation.
wow on your decision, it takes true gevuras hanefesh.
and by the way, don't worry even with a filter one still needs to hold themselves back as no filter is perfect.
gut shabbos

It is interesting how many people are intimidated with the idea of a filter - "I have to just learn to control myself", but they would never entertain the thought of having a cabinet of treife food in their home and teaching the kids "just control yourself".

Hashem Help Me wrote on 16 Nov 2020 12:22:

I think it's their addiction (or desire or Y"H or whatever you want to call it) that's intimidated. We know that we wont be able to control ourselves and that's precisely why we don't get that filter. It's because we still thing that porn and whatever are our lifesaving drug and without it we will die. Who can get a filter knowing that it will bring upon them a slow and painful death...

I disappointed.

I lost this round.

I gave in.

It's not a joyous moment.

I will start again from day 1

I really don't want to go into details but I will say that i have a filter on my phone now and I hope I will not fail this round.
I have deleted some apps I had access to, that caused major triggers.

I am however pleased with my streak of around 35 days.
I have not been clean with a streak like that for years.

Bittersweet?

With Hashems help I will continue onward.

Dear Zedj,
unfortunately we all know that feeling, yes it's not easy. however It's amazing how your straight away starting with day one and not just giving in again. This is vital for breaking free. your in the process of reprogramming your brain that it doesn't need these pleasures when tempted, and these first 35 days have started doing that to your brain.
You ought to drink a lechaim on your achievement. 
Theese Nisyonos are not something we conquer overnight, it comes with time patience and determination.
The פך שמן טהור that's deep inside you has started to shine, and looking forward to watching it get brighter and brighter over the course of Chodesh Kislev. 
With admiration, 
Excellence.

Sweet sweet! You didn't lose the round, you won 35 days!

What's wrong with 35 days? That's huge! The only reason to be bummed out is if you had expectations, but you don't have to, just give it your all every day and you will se success.

It's all about learning to live without it and what you are doing is just that.

Hatzlachah

Day 2

Thank you for the tremendous chizuk and commenting on my fall.

It helped me realize that I can become stronger from this.

To be honest, I forgot how much it hurts to hit the floor.
It hurts alot.

I keep wondering to myself, why did I fail?
Why did I give in?
Was it worth it?*
Couldn't I have done better?

To all these questions and all that I didn't list, I answered to myself.





With Hashems help I will get to 35 and beyond.


*Answer-Its not worth it

Yes, But don't forget ODAAT!!

Agreed,

It can't be said enough.

Great attitude buddy! Guys like you get out of this mess b'ezras Hashem. And it's not just the number of days. This time around, your brain is in a healthier place than it was in the past. Keep climbing - it rewires the brain. Non invasive surgery which will iyh give you massive menuchas hanefesh.

Day 3

Clean!

I noticed I use "I" too many times when desribeng my situation when I post.

It seems alittle wrong focusing to much on "I" .
Perhaps maybe it's better to focus beyond the "I".

At the moment I can't think of any practical implications but it is a thought I had today.

day 3 is a Chazaka!

Zedj wrote on 19 Nov 2020 07:19:

Hey! We are here to work on our "I's" (eyes)! 

What's up? How you doing brother Zedj?