Funny that WhatsApp is being discussed now. I just masturbated the first time in well over a year because of something horrible someone sent out on a group. They were immediately removed put the damage was done. I hope I can put yesterday behind and not make it a long battle, but I'm bleeding...

Grant400 wrote on 26 Apr 2021 16:30:

Sorry to hear. 
Another good reason I’m on the AntiSocial app. 
It’s free of you know what(sap)

Grant400 wrote on 26 Apr 2021 16:30:

I wonder if the fellow who posted that whatsapp has any idea what he caused.....

Grant, move on. We are all rooting for you.

Grant,

So sorry to hear. Please don't let this spiral out of control.

B"H, I'm not on social media. Thanks for reinforcing what is wrong with whatsapp.

Grant400 wrote on 26 Apr 2021 16:30:

"...but I'm bleeding..." I feel the pain coming out from the words. 

"in well over a year" That's awesome!

R Grant,
Every situation is unique so I don't possibly claim to truly understand what you are going through. However,if you look at my thread over the past few weeks I went through a rough patch after a long clean streak. It is so hard to get back up after you fall from such a high place. I feel your pain. However, I believe that you have what it takes to get past this and move on to an even stronger and more clear place. A place where you have more clarity and perhaps more of an appreciation for the struggle that appears to be our special gift from Hashem
Hatzlocha my friend

Grant400 wrote on 26 Apr 2021 16:30:

It may be your bleeding but nothing is over yet....the game has just begun to start.

With any sports game, when the sun is shining and perfect game weather it's usually a good game and all enjoy but when it starts to rain and the players start getting dirty from slipping and falling on the ground that's when the game is played on a whole different level of determination
I hope you get right back on the wagon 
Much hatzlocha!

Thank you all for your wonderful responses. Bh as of now I am doing great. I am hopeful that I am in a place where a fall doesn't mean a binge. I am only going to look forward iyh. Is it hard yes, but I'm fighting back so far.

About what HHM wrote. The guy most definitely knew. It was a spammer promoting a porn site and it had a picture attached. That was enough to do me in unfortunately. I didn't go on the site (no access), but just the picture and caption got me. It's still stuck in my brain.

Oh well.

Great attitude. A fall should never develop into a binge. It was a mistake....just move on.    As far as the picture sticking in your mind, it will iyh diminish with time, don't panic. Of course if you are like me, it will reappear when spaced out during shemona esreh…...just laugh it off.

This is real inspiration! Grant you have an amazing attitude and you didn't put yourself in a tough situation. You are tremendous just for staying strong and keeping a positive attitude! Hashem should give you the kochos to stay strong and continue to climb!!

160 days clean

Thank you Hashem for giving me the strength to hold on!

With Hashems help I hope I will have continued strength to carry on.


a reminder to myself:
1-One day at a time.
2-an urge is just an urge

wishing you'all well and much success!

164 days clean

Good Shabbos

170 days clean
Thank you Hashem for giving me the strength to come so far!

There are times that I do get overwhelmed and feel that I need to work harder on myself to make sure I never ever fall again.
apparently that is not the best mehalech to have so im trying to keep it cool and not be hyper focused on recovery in a way that may have a negative impact on me. 
Hence the fact I'm not posting as often.

I don't know if it will help much but for now we are in trail mode.

In other news:
G-D willing in 10 days from now I will be 6 months clean! 

I Don't think I ever gave up hope that one day I would be clean but I'm still grappling with the fact that it's actually happening!

I cant wait to celebrate such a huge milestone (for me) with you'all!

Wishing you all well!

Zedj wrote on 13 May 2021 05:08:

We need to "work harder" to plan properly to only access safe devices. We need to plan for when we will be traveling to triggering destinations, or will have that rare situation that one must use an unsafe device. If beneficial we spend some time on GYE, or speak with a mentor, or do other sorts of chizuk in a non obsessive or desperate fashion. 

Nobody can "make sure" they "never ever fall again". That mindset creates obsessive pressure. We daven and ask Hashem to protect us from nisyonos and to give us the seichel to make the proper choices. Other than that we are mei'siach da'as and live our lives to the fullest with simcha and menuchas hanefesh.

You are a true hero and have BH helped many as you yourself got out of this mess. Iyh you will have a very fortunate wife when the time comes. And you will be a fortunate chassan - going to the chupa with your head screwed on straight, lacking the confusion and turmoil (and predatory bedroom behaviors) many guys experience these days.

180 days clean

I can happily say I am 6 months clean!

After reaching 180 clean I got an automatic email from GYE with some tips going forward
Here is a quote:

"Don’t let your defenses down. Until you feel that your level of temptation of going back to your old behavior has reached zero , and you are fully confident about the future, it's too early to let our guard down. If you’ve taken additional precautions in order stay clean so far - keep them in place for now. Even people who are clean for a long time sometimes end up relapsing if they engage in SIDs (Seemingly Irrelevant Decisions) that become a slippery slope. "

Am I supposed to be confident? Or better yet is it even possible to have confidence in myself so much so to let my guard down at all in the future? 

it's a rhetorical question but comments are always welcome

Thank you to all the chevra here that helped me get to where I am now. 
This journey could not have been possible if not for all the constant chizuk and eitzos by you'all.

I cant thank you people anough.

Thank you GYE for giving me the opportunity to reclaim...me.

Thank you