yea  yea yea yea yea ....  :D :D :D

To my dear friends and brothers,

Unfortunately, I will not be able to accompany you across the finish line, as I just fell off the truck. I had one really big fall. A few hours of whatever shmutz would make it past my filters, and a MSZL. I can't believe it, I'm so ashamed. I was really really looking forward to crossing the finish line with you guys, and I never even saw the post about Steve, OL and me all having a Lchaim as we proudly carry the banner of "Omaid binisayon."

But now, all I will be able to do is cheer you guys on from the sidelines, imagining how great it could have felt.

Here is what caused it: Sometimes when I work I listen to non-Jewish music (I know, that is just one more hypocrisy in my life, I prepare Torah classes while listening to non-Jewish music, welcome to my private little island of hypocrisy...) Chazal were so right about Kol Isha... sometimes when a song by a lady would pop up on my online streaming music station, I would google her to check out what she looked like, and from there... I fell like a stone.

Chazal are so right. They mamesh understood us. YES, Kol b'isha is an erva (especially when backed up by racy photos you can easily google).

I'm so disappointed in myself. Things were going so well, my marriage was going awesome, I was sooo appreciative of my wife, and things were sailing smoothly, but I done done it agin. I done messed up royally.

OK, enough.

I will add another layer of protection with Covenant eyes which will have someone monitoring what I look at.

I will try to get back up as soon as possible. Maybe if I start a new 90 day chart right away, without taking a couple aveira days in between, it will show how sincere I am about wanting to beat this....

You guys helped me get farther than I've ever gotten in a good five years, and I'm sure you will help me rise up again...

I can't thank you enough,

and most of all, I can't thank Ha-shem enough. If He has given me such a nisayon in this area, he must really believe I have kochos to overcome them and become a gadol in this area....

I don't understand why you make it sound as if you "lost". You just had the biggest clean streak in years. You WON. Did you think it would be so easy and you were over with it? Of course not. You haven't even gotten to 90 days yet, so surely there haven't been changes in the "addiction" pattern of thinking. Yes, one small slip can make us plummet like a stone. That's the way an addict is (see Rage's piece of Principle 2 in his thread today). So the addiction got the better of you for a few hours. Don't let that get you down. The Yetzer wants you down about it, so he can KEEP you in despair and the addiction. His job is to destroy our lives. Don't give him that pleasure. You're wiser than to fall for his stupidity. Make sure to get right back up, and in that zechus, Hashem will give you the siyatta dishmaya to achieve an even LONGER streak clean this time!

P.S. Use the fall for growth, like you said, by adding another layer of protection. Accountability software on TOP of the filter is VERY IMPORTANT. (oh, and you might consider stopping to listen to goyish music, or at least the women singing ones )

YOU CAN DO IT!

FELL SHMELL

We mUst continue trucking

(get rid of google images, block it on your filter) : : : : :

be happy u pushed your self this far you will do it again

yh you are a rotten slimy pus folled scoundrel let my chaveirim alone you nasty monster!!!
i hate you yh
b

Dear my best friend, Haba.  :-* :-* :-*
thats exactly what i said to steve , let us finish the journey and just then w'll do LECHAYIM,
because i know that אין אפוטרופוס לעריות  even if we really closed to the 90. (and even after...)

now, what ??
1. you should know that you have been passing a very long streak clean - this is excellent!!! you made a lot of NACHAS RUACH  to G-d!!
2. you should know, that by your fall you gave us a big chizuk!! yea yea you read right, you gave us chizuk because now, we should admit
    that we can fall even after 80 days clean and we have to be careful sevenfold.
3. to my expirience after a big fall the next begining recovery is a bit easier particularly after very long streak clean as you did, your mind
    doesn't really need it so much, after all you cleaned your mind for a while and this is not nothing. something happend in your brain the
    last three months.
4. the last one is just to tell you that we love you, trust you and we sure that 90 days from now we gonna cheer LECHAYIM!!

you are the bomb!!!

Wow, I feel like its the morning after Purim, back when I was in Yeshiva... You wake up, you're crusty, dehydrated, pounding headache, you want to swear off drinking and say NEVER AGAIN, but there is this little voice in your head saying, "no, you know that your gonna be back here again sometime soon, it's not even worth it to try and swear it off..."

Thanks for the chizuk Reb Guard, Bardi, Yiddle and OL....

It is incredible, I really feel a kinship with you guys, it's like we're a Band of Brothers, soldiers fighting in the same battle, never leaving the wounded behind...

I want to start a new 90 days, but I have a big trip in a week and a half and the YH is putting on the pressure big time for me to just wait until after the trip to restart. Man o Man...

habaletaher wrote on 04 Mar 2010 23:04:


DON'T PUT IT OFF!!! You will not enjoy a single moment of your trip due to the guilt feelings of pushing it off.

I do know how you feel, though. Don't we all? Ever heard the words, "I"ll start my diet tomorrow?"

During my first week on the chart, I had the 'privilege ' of being in Manhattan for work purposes. Guarding my eyes was difficult. Except for a split second glance on the advertisement on the side of a bus, I left the city as clean as I entered. At a wedding that night, my joy over my success far exceeded my joy of the couple getting married. I was able to dance with real joy.

guardureyes wrote on 04 Mar 2010 09:57:


Can't agree more. Tried two different filters to no avail. It was my Covenant Eyes accountability partner who told me about this site. I"m forever indebted to him.

Fallings easy, getting up is the hard part. Please get up. If someone told u before your journey you'd make it to 90 with 1 fall would u feel bad? Why roll around in the mud for a week or two? I've been following your thread. I know u can do it.

You can get up...you WILL!!

You had a great streak, which (sorry guard) i think DOES change the addictive patterns, at least a little bit. And I think you can celebrate along with Steve and OL, you're still part of their chabura. Finish the rest with them, and keep on going!

I quoted you in the chizuk e-mail #724 . Firstly, I'd suggest getting right back up NOW or you risk losing the siyatta dishmaya for the next streak...

Secondly, the more you stay in the addiction, the less effect the 80 days clean will have on you to make it easier next time.

HABA!
It's Bards here!!

License and registration!!

Get out of the car with your hands in the air!!


What did you do?!!


You ran a stop sign!!!



Why do you need to stand outside in the cold while I write you a ticket??!!


Cause I'm the officer!!!


You say you didn't run the stop sign??


Tell it to the judge!



OK you look like a nice guy so ill give you a warning!


Get your truck back on the highway!!


And drive safe

And if your gonna drink and drive drink woodford!!!

And Be Happy and Wise and safe!!


Eat kigel and chulint!!


Buy flowers for the wife ..Yuup a dozen

Ok have a Happy shabbos!!

KEEP ON TRUCKIN''


No I don't give a darn if you fell no I don't


I said keep on truckin man keep on truckin!!!!


Youze got wax in youze eez keepontrukain!!HEH HEH!!!!!!

How can you Keep trucking over shabbos?

Very simple - as long as you're in there from before shabbos, and it just keeps going straight through, you're fine! ;D

Haba,

I am SO PROUD of you I am crying!

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HIT 80 DAYS CLEAN IN A ROW??!!

You've done the impossible! Think about where you came from! So THIS time you didn't hit 90. So WHAT?! Think there's a magic bullet at 90? Think it's LESS DANGEROUS after 90? NO WAY HOSE!! Just going NEAR a trigger on day 1090 is as dangerous as on Day 1, Day 80, ANY DING DONG DAY!!

Do you even realize the tremendous ZECHUS that is yours for what you've accomplished? And as OL said, the inspiration and Chizuk you gave us by falling and showing us how a soldier gets back up?

And GET RIGHT BACK UP you WILL!! That will SEAL THE DEAL - by jumping back up and showing Hashem that you mean business, will TURN THAT FALL INTO A MERIT (now kids, don't try this at home...). The YH KNOWS that, and he's trying to undo your zechussim by making you let your guard down during your trip. DONT GIVE IN TO HIM!!

Listen, you don't feel like it now and may not wanna join me, but i am going to take out a bottle of something special tonite after kiddish, and make a l'chaim in honor of your 80 days clean! YOU ARE MY HERO, YOU GOT THAT?! And then i'm gonna take another shot in honor of your new beginning of this next clean streak.

Please don't make me drink in vain.

I LOVE YOU!! Have a GREAT SHABBOS!!